Legal dad a stranger and now wants immediate visitation

[mom6399]

What is the name of your state? GA

I posted in the past regarding possible termination of parental rights...a path I've not gone down. NCP has been physically absent from our 7 year olds life for three years (3 phone calls and a few gifts, but not seen).

Out of the blue a few months ago I got a small CS payment, just enough to for the NCP to pay the purge and get his license back. And now, I have received a visitation schedule from the NCP for three consecutive weekends, on off then an every other weekend visitation starting week after next. I have not responded to the request, will be leaving that up to an attorney.

This child does not know the NCP. His absence has been of his own choice. I have sole custody with "visitation agreed upon" (at the time of the decree every other weekend), but at my consideration due to the NCPs past behavior and history of long periods of absence from the child, substance abuse issues, etc... My attorney told me the order, from another state, was not enforceable in GA.

Has anyone dealt with this before? Do I ask for a temporary visitation order with no visitation? Supervised? A re-integration period? How do you prepare a child for this kind of dramatic change in their lives?

This is not the first disappearance for long periods of time, as state in previous posts. I suspect it will be an ongoing pattern, a pattern that is not healthy for the child. Is it possible to terminate visitation, without terminating parental rights? If visitation is revisited in the original order, can a judge also revisit custody? The NCP agreed not to contest custody to have CS arrears forgiven at the time of the judgment, signed by the judge in the divorce proceedings.

I want what is best for the child I have been raising for the past 6 years.

Thank you for any input.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state? GA

I posted in the past regarding possible termination of parental rights...a path I've not gone down. NCP has been physically absent from our 7 year olds life for three years (3 phone calls and a few gifts, but not seen).

Out of the blue a few months ago I got a small CS payment, just enough to for the NCP to pay the purge and get his license back. And now, I have received a visitation schedule from the NCP for three consecutive weekends, on off then an every other weekend visitation starting week after next. I have not responded to the request, will be leaving that up to an attorney.

This child does not know the NCP. His absence has been of his own choice. I have sole custody with "visitation agreed upon" (at the time of the decree every other weekend), but at my consideration due to the NCPs past behavior and history of long periods of absence from the child, substance abuse issues, etc... My attorney told me the order, from another state, was not enforceable in GA.

Has anyone dealt with this before? Do I ask for a temporary visitation order with no visitation? Supervised? A re-integration period? How do you prepare a child for this kind of dramatic change in their lives?

This is not the first disappearance for long periods of time, as state in previous posts. I suspect it will be an ongoing pattern, a pattern that is not healthy for the child. Is it possible to terminate visitation, without terminating parental rights? If visitation is revisited in the original order, can a judge also revisit custody? The NCP agreed not to contest custody to have CS arrears forgiven at the time of the judgment, signed by the judge in the divorce proceedings.

I want what is best for the child I have been raising for the past 6 years.

Thank you for any input.

You really should ask your attorney more questions...
What are you going to do when the ex gets custody due to your interference and contempt of court? You must follow the existing court order until such time as it is changed (by the court).

 

[justalayman]

You really should ask your attorney more questions...
What are you going to do when the ex gets custody due to your interference and contempt of court? You must follow the existing court order until such time as it is changed (by the court).

in other words, you need to get into court ASAP to limit any visitation due to the fact of the extremely long absence. The courts are supposed to have the well being of the child as the greatest importance. Of course if the absence ws that long, it would not be a good idea, or healthy for the father to have visitation as it was originally spelled out. There needs to be a familiarization period. Your lawyer should be directing you as to what action to take.

 

[mom6399]

Thank you for your responses.

I am not and have not been in contempt. Nor have I interfered. I do not know where the NCP lives, mail I have encouraged the child to send has often been returned from the addresses has provided–so I have sent correspondence, photos at least twice a year, etc...to his family to get to him. I have dialed his cell, the only number I have for him for the child to call. He has never returned the calls. I paid for family counseling, the NCP showed up once, told the therapist it was BS and walked out. I keep a photo of him holding her next to her bed. I tell her he loves her when she does bring him up, usually in a negative context. We have been through re-integration TWICE already in almost 6 years. So with a three year absence at this point, and periods of long absence in the past he has been present in her life far less than half of it. When he did see her, he was regularly invited to our home, to her extracurricular events and so on. It's not easy for a parent to gain sole custody. This pattern of behavior and lack of care and concern is well documented in lengthy court documents in a long divorce proceeding. While I know it is a separate issue, the NCP is well into 5 digits in arrears in CS. I have emails saying he's not paying because he is mad at me. He was forgiven CS arrears (didn't pay a dime in 2 years during divorce proceedings). Paid for a while then stopped seeing the child. Came back, started seeing the child for a while and paid when he was choosing to see her. When he pays, he wants to visit, when he doesn't pay, she has been ignored. So, please don't accuse me of interference when I have done just about all I can to encourage a relationship between the child and her truly absent parent. At the same time, father or not, I don't see how it can be in the best interest of the child to be forced to go with a person they do not even know...?

I will go through this through the courts to protect the child and myself. Thank you justalayman for your advice to ask the attorney more questions and for your agreement that it would not be in the child's best interest to start into visitation without some sort of re-integration. I wonder how many more times we are going to have to go through this? Arghh!

 

[Ohiogal]

I will go through this through the courts to protect the child and myself. Thank you justalayman for your advice to ask the attorney more questions and for your agreement that it would not be in the child's best interest to start into visitation without some sort of re-integration. I wonder how many more times we are going to have to go through this? Arghh!

As many times as necessary until A) the child turns 18 or B) you get remarried, are in a stable relationship and your husband wants to adopt your daughter and your ex's rights are terminated when the adoption is finalized.

 

[mom6399]

Single anyone?

Thanks, Ohiogal.

As difficult and costly as it is, I am prepared...it is sad for a child to be put through this kind of stuff for their entire childhood. Fortunately, she is pretty stable at this point.

Thank you!