legal information, please

[LillianClaire]

it's hard to be brief when relating the situation for the first time. my daughter has an 8yr. old son. she and his father never married; she did put his name on the birth certificate; she and her son lived with me for almost 3 yrs. before she moved to wisconsin; his father did not pay child support but was allowed to see his son on weekends when he'd make advance arrangements with my daughter. this situation continued for 5 years. the state of illinois did little in forcing the young man to pay child support, but rather than taking him to court over it, my daughter let him continue to have visitation (although there was never a court order on this point) because she didn't want the animosity this would certainly create. she is now living permanently in wisconsin and the system has ordered child support payments to be made. he was arrested about a month ago for nonpayment and bailed out by his father (the bail would've covered 2 months in child support payments!!) several days ago his wife and he called to tell my daughter that they want regularly scheduled biweekly weekend visitation, alternate holidays and a month in the summer with my grandson. it seems an interesting coincidence that this demand so quickly follows his weekend stay in jail.... please, help me find information relating to his legal rights to force this issue into court. his life style and my daughter's are very far apart. my grandson does not eat meat or an abundance of junk food and pop, watch violent movies or play violent video or computer games. sorry, I have certainly gone well beyond brief here. can you help!

 

[tammy8]

Not much advice here, just wanted to let you know something. Visitaiton and child support are 2 totally separate issues. A father shouldn't have to pay to see his child in any situation. I am happy to see that your daughter is doing the right thing by keeping the issues separate. I am in no way taking up for the father because he should always support his child which he is obviously not doing. I just suggest that your daughter goes through the proper channels to legally get everything settled. If the father doesn't pay, he will go to jail and your daughter should start receiving his tax refund. DO NOT KEEP THE CHILD FROM THE OTHER PARENT.

As far as judging the better parent, just because the father lives differently than your daughter will not keep the child from him, only if the father is endangering the child. Good luck and congrats on raising a wonderful Mother who knows the getting along with the other parent is important.

 

[Grandma B]

Of course the father should be allowed to see his child, and on a regular basis. He should, however, seek this right through a court of law. By doing so, a visitation schedule will be set, and must be adhered to by both parents.

 

[bethdetroit]

It sounds to me that they are doing ok(compared to other cases) as long as they continue to get along. The court will give the father visits with the son, and enforce support.
If the guy dosen't pay then he will lose his tax money. Plus now adays they just take the money right from his check so as long as he has a legal job then the court will garnish his wages. If he dosen't tell the court where he is working then most courts will run a check with his S.S.# and find out.
Also I f the guy hasn't paid for the boy in the past 8 years then the mom has a right to collect back support from the day the boy was born.
And if the boy is a vegan then the dad will just have to learn how to cook without meat.

 

[Grandma B]

Also I f the guy hasn't paid for the boy in the past 8 years then the mom has a right to collect back support from the day the boy was born.
And if the boy is a vegan then the dad will just have to learn how to cook without meat.

She doesn't have a right to collect back support from birth. She didn't name the father, nor did she file for support. It would be my guess that the reason Wisconsin went after dad is because mom and the boy are receiving assistance from the state. The state would then force her to cooperate by identifying the father.

Dad won't have to change his cooking habits at all. Mom's rules won't apply when the child has visitation with dad. The child can refuse to eat meat while there, but dad can cook and serve what he wants.

 

[bethdetroit]

The fathers name is on the birth certificate. And he knew about the boy because he was visiting him. So he is responsible for all back support sence the birth. read her post again.
And how would you like to have a hungry whiny kid around you for the whole weekend? The father will have to do something about feeding him if he won't eat meat.

 

[CMSC]

Dad won't have to change his cooking habits at all. Mom's rules won't apply when the child has visitation with dad. The child can refuse to eat meat while there, but dad can cook and serve what he wants.

I agree with Grandma B. My stepson's mom doesn't let him eat meat but when he comes to our house he eats it because he is hungry and that is what we cook. Unless it is for medical reasons that dad should adjust the diet then the kid will he what dad cooks. My stepsons mom also doesn't let him have "junk" food, good grief it doesn't kill the kids if you give it to them once in a great while...unless dad is a drug addicted child abuser or the kid is a diabetic then your daughter should find a different reason to object to dad having the child once in a while.

 

[haiku]

You can only get back child support from the time it was FILED for, so no they cannot go back to birth, unless the kid was on welfare since birth.

As a semi vegetarian in a family of vegetarian, (and vegan is a bit different than vegertarian-there are many forms of vegetarianism)
the child should learn at a young age that everyones eating habits are different, and to eat what he can while at others homes, and be polite about it. there are usually enough non meat items in a meat eating home to satisfy anyone, it would be ridiculous to demand dad follow his special deit unless it was fo rmedical purposes. I can listen to my own daughter and skids whine all day when there is at least SOMETHING on the dinner table they will eat!

as far as dads influences, well he is dad, and what he does in his home with his child is his busines, and I really doubt it will have that much affect on him during the times he is with him. The important thing is the dad wants to spend time with his son, and that they are working things out to do that. The court will take care of the fact he owes support to care for the child, but dont mix the 2 together becuase the only one it really "punishes" is a little boy who doesnt want to be in the middle of an arguement, or forced to call one of his parents (or grandparents) a bad guy.

 

[Grandma B]

Thanks to ryry's mom and Haiku for the confirmations.

While vegetarian diets are great for those knowledgeable in nutrition, they can be potentially harmful if proper nutrition is not ensured, especially to a growing child. It's not normal for an 8-year-old child to eschew meat, so it's most likely mom's idea, not his. He just might enjoy visitation which includes steaks, hamburgers, etc.

Your support from birth comments are right on. Mom, of course, had a right to petition for support at birth, but the original post sounded like no petition for support was ever filed and mom and grandma supported child for the first 5 years. Her loss for failing to do so. Wisconsin would have had no reason to suddenly file for support if mom was not receiving assistance.

One additional comment. A mother putting a father's name on a birth certificate means nothing without a signed declaration of paternity from the father or a test to prove paternity. If all one had to do was select a person to put on the certificate, I think most young women would pick much better candidates than the deadbeats they choose.

 

[haiku]

One additional comment. A mother putting a father's name on a birth certificate means nothing without a signed declaration of paternity from the father or a test to prove paternity. If all one had to do was select a person to put on the certificate, I think most young women would pick much better candidates than the deadbeats they choose.

think of how many children Brad Pitt would be the father of! LOL

 

[Grandma B]

You read my mind!!

 

[bethdetroit]

I sopose the laws are diffrent in your states because here in MI they don't have to have a paternity test to get support started, The court will go on what the mother says and they will make an order of filiation. It is then up to the presumed dad to prove he is not the father. Also is MI you can go back to the date of birth even if there wasn't a support order untill years later.
I susgest that the mom talk to CSE or FOC which ever is in her state and find out what laws they have pertaning to her situation.
If she is on state assistance they will help her out with getting info.
hope it helps, beth.

 

[LillianClaire]

thank you all very much for your thoughts. to clarify a few points - my daughter filed in Il for child support soon after the child was born. Il., however, has had more than a few problems with this system and others, like bribery for driver's licsence scandal, etc. so it wasn't too surprising that she was unsuccessful in receiving support payments. the young man rarely worked at any job above minimum salry ones, like pizza delivery, etc. she has never denied a visit with the child's father for any reason other than illness. many times his half-sisters were ill during a visit and he would come home with whatever they had. he has been able to have the boy with him for all holidays (either the day before or after the actual date) and birthdays. her main concern with the child spending more than every third weekend in his father's home is that they both smoke & the step-mother is a chain smoker who refuses to smoke outside, saying that her smoking hasn't harmed her own two little girls and she won't do it for the boy. there are other concerns besides the vegetarian one, in fact that's minor, since as you truly pointed out he can choose what to eat or avoid at his age. i was hoping to be directed to a website that might give me legal info on the father's chances to to demand and get the exact visitation he asking for i.e., every other weekend, every other holiday and one month in the summer. if you might know where i might find this legal information, it would be great. again, thanks for your thoughts and help.....

 

[haiku]

well we did give you legal information, and by typing your state into a search engine, it would be possible to find your states visitation guidelines there. -Try your states homepage. Also this websites has many questions and answers pertaining to visitation right on the home page.


the smoking isue, has been used successfully in other visitation issues in other states, but it is rare, and unless the child already has major health concerns yo uare no tlikely to get any where with it. You would need to discuss that issue with a lawyer, and even then the most that would happen would be a clause that the parents are not to smoke around the kids. this is a really a case of if you are that anti smoking, you should not have had a child with a smoker! (I personally am anti smoking-so no I am not showing any bias here) I would reccomend a personal discussion with an actual lawyer in your state to explain these things in better detail to you.

As far as the other children being sick, that is also NOT a big deal, might as well keep him home from school too, as he will be exposed to even more kids there! My daughter is not in school yet, but my skids are, and believe me during the school year my daughter catches more colds immediately after thier visits than any other time. It is just a fact of life, and not a good reason to deny visitation!

what your daughters ex is asking for is standard visitation in most states-no more, no less. he will very likely get it.

your daughter should continue pushing for her sons rightful support, but dont hurt the child to get it!

 

[LillianClaire]

I appreciate you all taking the time to reply to my inquiry. I'll be checking around for a law office that may do pro bono work on cases like this, my daughter is also trying to find more information online in Wisconsin. I suggested that they all get together with a mediator (counselor) to try to come to an agreement without going to court. So, we'll see how this plays out. Thanks again.