legal options for parents of "incorrigible son"

[azmom23]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?Arizona

My 16 y/o son met a girl last October, and he stayed out all night on two occasions(later we found out he spent the nights at her house with her single mom physically present but "unaware"), ditching school, refusing to obey house rules, and curfew laws. We feel the girlfriend has been a dreadful influence on our son, and tried forbidding him from seeing her, but we couldn't "lock" him in the house. I had several conversations with the police, and they advised me against reporting him as a runaway because they said it "doesn't do anything to solve the problem". He is currently at a 4 week boarding/summer school to replace two of his F's (there were 4). My question is, what are our legal rights as his parents if he comes home and continues to be Incorrigible? I'm aware of PINS petition too. Which option should my husband and I take?
Thank you!!

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?Arizona

My 16 y/o son met a girl last October, and he stayed out all night on two occasions(later we found out he spent the nights at her house with her single mom physically present but "unaware"), ditching school, refusing to obey house rules, and curfew laws. We feel the girlfriend has been a dreadful influence on our son, and tried forbidding him from seeing her, but we couldn't "lock" him in the house. I had several conversations with the police, and they advised me against reporting him as a runaway because they said it "doesn't do anything to solve the problem". He is currently at a 4 week boarding/summer school to replace two of his F's (there were 4). My question is, what are our legal rights as his parents if he comes home and continues to be Incorrigible? I'm aware of PINS petition too. Which option should my husband and I take?
Thank you!!

I'd do one of two things: 1 ~ the Brazil treatment, or 2 ~ it's bare mattress on the floor and Salvation Army clothes time.

I'd start off with the Salvation Army approach before going the Brazil treatment route ~ it is a bit more extreme.

 

[stealth2]

Why do I suspect son was not a perfect angel prior to meeting the girl? But she is a convenient scapegoat, I suppose.

 

[Country Living]

When he comes home he should find the door to his bedroom has been removed, the computer and TV in storage, the cell phone canceled, the land line (if he has one in his room) disconnected, all clothes except the essentials in storage, one sheet and one blanket on the bed (I'd remove the bed and put in an inexpensive roll-away), remove all pillows except one, take out all light bulbs in his room, take his driver's license and the keys to his car (if he has one), and post rules for chores, grades, etc. on the wall. There is no curfew because he's not allowed out of the house unless accompanied by a parent.

He slowly starts earning back the things you removed from his room if and only if all the house rules are followed. That means you're going to have to be hands-on parents. The family has meals together. The family goes to the movies together. The family watches evening TV together. The family is a family and not just a collection of people. He's missing something in his life and is trying to figure out what it is and how to get it.

This is where all that "structure" you didn't want in place because it would hinder the young man's potential is coming back to haunt you. It's not the girl's fault. It's the values you son lacks that got him in this situation.

Unfortunately, it's more difficult now to implement the Brazil Method since a U.S. citizen must have a visa to get into the country. At least there are still military high schools where the young man can go to get some direction in his life.

 

[incorrigiblekid]

incorrigible children

I saw this post a little late, but as someone who was ruled incorrigible (by the state, in fact, not my parents) more than thirty years ago, I have personal experience, and advise the parents thus: the legal definition (incorrigible) in most states offers the parent little or no recourse, for it is not for parents that the statutes exist. In California, for example, the Youth Authority may, on its own motion, return the child to the remanding or sentencing court. It is to "expel the child" from JH, typically, claiming that the child is incapable of reformation. If you're a parent and aim to declare your child such, this is a mistake. If you're a child seeking to escape the punishment that most wayward children face, you should push for such ruling. It buys you a free ticket out in most cases (and even the most hardened kids, on discovering your status, part like "The Red Sea," whispering that you are an incorrigible). On that account, even if an attorney is a family friend, and seemingly well qualified, if they offer a parent this option, they either do not understand its ultimate and eventual affect or otherwise, aim to sever the child from you forever. If the child is under sixteen, chances are, they will leave, seek emancipation, or worse, vanish, seeking association with one or another underground organization (gangs, radicals, whomever). At that stage, you are unlikely to see the child again unharmed, or if you do, it could be many years later. I know this because the incorrigibles (so labeled by the state) "hung-out" together, and they formed an internal social group, "inside" and "beyond" their various affiliations. Thus, Crips, 18th Street, or Aryan groups - or whatever else they then associated with by virtue of imprisonment - were set aside for a closer, cross-cultural relation. For them (and for me and all those children that shared this classification with me), it meant un-touch-ability. The State would refuse, save under the most extreme circumstances, to arrest and detain us. Thus, in Hollywood, most runaways, drug couriers, or whatever these children became, would remain untouched, in the same instant that the police ran their names and discovered this classification. For, it is to save State monies that the classification exists anyway. We, therefore, could commit crimes will relative impunity, without fear of being dragged in for questioning. Unless the on-site officers had an informant nearby (whom could always be "reached" in any event), and unless they had evidence there-and-then, they would refuse to even interview us. Thus, every parent who considers this option should think thrice.

 

[stealth2]

Please do not necropost. Thank you.

 

[Country Living]

I hope the new necroposting person learns how to write succinctly and to use paragraph breaks. S/he also needs to learn rambling posts are usually not read in this forum. And ditto what Stealth said....