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Long Distance Visitation for Three Year Old

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starrsh1ne

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

Hello. I am the mother and custodial parent of a three year old girl. Her father lives in Oregon, where she was born. He left us here two years ago and filed for divorce. Original judgment was in Oregon but I filed and had the jurisdiction moved to California. We went to court in September. Instead of going in front of the judge we tried to agree. We came up with a temporary plan of 4 nights for two months in Oregon, then six nights for the next two months and then back to mediation in January. Initially we were trying to agree to her going out there every month until she starts preschool. He changed his mind and wants that to continue until she starts kindergarten.

I wanted to compromise of one week out there every other month and him coming down here the other month (he does not work currently I believe, although he will not tell me for sure.) Then a longer time in the summer months. He got very upset with me and said he will be taking me back to court unless I agree with him exactly. I then went up to how about 11 days every other month, he again said no. We are in agreement of the holiday schedule once she starts school except he wants the entire summer once she turns 8 and I would like two weeks to be able to take her somewhere.

I am trying to avoid going to court at all costs because I am honestly terrified. This arrangement seems like a lot for a three year old and I am in no way happy. He expects me to do half the travel and pay for half. I need advice on what a judge might think of this. I want to avoid court but he is not compromising and is very bitter and angry at me. Any input is welcome

Thank you,

Nicole
 


I'mTheFather

Senior Member
Why not 6 days every month if you're willing to do 11 days every other month?

So, he moved back to Oregon before the divorce?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Getting court orders will actually protect all three of you. That said.... You both should really be looking at long distance plans that will not need to be changed in 2 years when she starts school. Personally, I think it would be very difficult for the child to spend 2 years split between the both of you, to then suddenly lose so much time with one or the other of you (you should understand that it is possible that he would end up as the custodial parent).

We wnt with the kids staying with me for the school yeare, with one w/e a month with their Dad, holidays & school year breaks alternated, with them spending all but two weeks of the summer with Dad. And we split the cost of transportation. Ideal? Not really, but the best option for us/our kids.

Spend some time googling LD parenting plans and see what might work for you all over the long term.
 

starrsh1ne

Junior Member
He left us in California without a car and agreed to us stayin here. We have lived apart for two years. I don't want the 11 nights I'm just trying to avoid court.

How would he end up with custody?

We live 700 miles apart about 11 hour drive
 

starrsh1ne

Junior Member
I have spent many hours looking through plans but California is so vague and he is unwilling to do a holiday type schedule.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
The part where he gets all of summer break once she turns 8 is unrealistic. The custodial parent can usually get a couple of weeks in the summer also.

It isn't all bad to go back to court. It can show a judge which party is the unrealistic one.

Someone questioned why not go every month - I think the expense of it all is where you were looking, right?
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
Also, consider things like virtual parenting time to fill in some gaps. Address things like:
* phone calls
* emailing
* instant messaging
* skype
* whatever else can happen

Specified times/ number of times per week with both parents so that you aren't left with no communication all summer.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
How would he end up with custody?
I'm not saying he would, but anything is possible.

Expand your thinking past CA parenting plans. There is a wealth of info out there, lots of different ideas - deltabravo has some ideas. See what works for your child's situation. And remember - it is all about what is best for her, not you/Dad.
 

KoalaGirl

Junior Member
If you already have a judge I'd suggest getting an attorney who is familiar with the way that judge rules. Don't be afraid of court... You have to stand up for your daughter because she can't.

With a long distance visitation I would make sure the plan includes weeknight Skype time and as she gets older he can read her bedtime stories, play games together and even help her with homework. The technology these days allows a distant parent a lot more opportunities to take part and be present. This should also be put in the plan for you while she is away visiting him.

A summer and holiday break visit to him with options to visit her anytime seems fair. After all... He chose to stay where he is after dropping you both in CA.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
If you already have a judge I'd suggest getting an attorney who is familiar with the way that judge rules. Don't be afraid of court... You have to stand up for your daughter because she can't.

With a long distance visitation I would make sure the plan includes weeknight Skype time and as she gets older he can read her bedtime stories, play games together and even help her with homework. The technology these days allows a distant parent a lot more opportunities to take part and be present. This should also be put in the plan for you while she is away visiting him.

A summer and holiday break visit to him with options to visit her anytime seems fair. After all... He chose to stay where he is after dropping you both in CA.


It seems that they ALL lived in Oregon, and Dad "left" Mom in CA.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
It seems that they ALL lived in Oregon, and Dad "left" Mom in CA.
Huh? That wasn't my take on it. My take was that they all lived in Oregon, dad moved them to CA, and then dad left them and moved back to Oregon. I guess I cannot be certain that my take is any more accurate than yours, but I am pretty sure that they were all in CA when dad left them, or mom wouldn't have been able to get jurisdiction changed to CA.
 

starrsh1ne

Junior Member
Huh? That wasn't my take on it. My take was that they all lived in Oregon, dad moved them to CA, and then dad left them and moved back to Oregon. I guess I cannot be certain that my take is any more accurate than yours, but I am pretty sure that they were all in CA when dad left them, or mom wouldn't have been able to get jurisdiction changed to CA.
That's right. We all lived in Oregon together and he left us here for a Christmas holiday and came back with divorce paperwork and my daughter's belongings. He had a paralegal draw up the documents and we never went to court at that point. I never really thought about getting permission of the court to move here because I didn't know any of the legalities.
 

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