Maitenance Dilemma

[latie]

What is the name of your state? NY

My sister's husband has filed for divorce and asked for maitenance from her. After going to court to show cause the judge decreed that she has to pay him maitenance and his lawyers fees. They haven't gone to trial yet. He is an addictive gambler but that doesn't seem to matter to the judge. The problem: If she pays what the judge ordered her to pay then she can't pay the mortgage and other bills. What option does she have? My sister had seriously injured herself and had to work in spite of her injury just to keep a roof over their heads. She is also on the verge of a nervous breakdown. They have been married for twenty years, have no children and he is 20 years older than she, who is in her 50s. She is talking about quiting her job, letting the house go, and leaving the state. Would this be an option? If not, what other options does she have? Any info appreciated. Thanks!

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? NY

My sister's husband has filed for divorce and asked for maitenance from her. After going to court to show cause the judge decreed that she has to pay him maitenance and his lawyers fees. They haven't gone to trial yet. He is an addictive gambler but that doesn't seem to matter to the judge. The problem: If she pays what the judge ordered her to pay then she can't pay the mortgage and other bills.

Where was her attorney? She can appeal the temporary orders and ask for a stay while the matter is being appealed to the judge. But that depends how long ago the judge signed the temporary order.You have a limited amount of time. And she cannot introduce new information (unless it was unknown at the time of the the hearing) so she has to find a mistake of law. Which there may not be based on the rest of the information in this post.

What option does she have?

Appeal or pay the order.If she doesn't pay she will be in contempt. She can also get a second job.

My sister had seriously injured herself and had to work in spite of her injury just to keep a roof over their heads. She is also on the verge of a nervous breakdown. They have been married for twenty years, have no children and he is 20 years older than she, who is in her 50s.

Guess what? She will be paying for a while. He is at retirement age and she isn't. It was a long term marriage. he is just as entitled as if the situation were flipped.

She is talking about quiting her job,

She will have to pay the order anyway. They will not reduce it.

letting the house go,

If she purposely allows it to go to foreclosure, he can sue her for what his value in the house would have been had the house continued being paid. And the judge will ding her for being irresponsible.

and leaving the state.

And that won't change anything.

Would this be an option?

Only if she wants to be found in contempt and if she does do all of that and doesn't show up then they can issue a warrant for her arrest and then she could go to jail. So its an option but not a good one.
If not, what other options does she have? Any info appreciated. Thanks!

She has a problem because she has a court ordered responsibility. She has to live up to it. She cannot quit her job (because she will have to pay spousal support at the same rate she is paying now). She cannot let the house go to rot or she would be in trouble for dissipation of marital assets (assuming the house is a marital asset). She cannot sell the house without an order of the court. And leaving the state -- well she could do that but it does not get rid of her responsibilities under the court order. Sis is going to have to get another job.

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state? NY

My sister's husband has filed for divorce and asked for maitenance from her. After going to court to show cause the judge decreed that she has to pay him maitenance and his lawyers fees. They haven't gone to trial yet. He is an addictive gambler but that doesn't seem to matter to the judge. The problem: If she pays what the judge ordered her to pay then she can't pay the mortgage and other bills. What option does she have? My sister had seriously injured herself and had to work in spite of her injury just to keep a roof over their heads. She is also on the verge of a nervous breakdown. They have been married for twenty years, have no children and he is 20 years older than she, who is in her 50s. She is talking about quiting her job, letting the house go, and leaving the state. Would this be an option? If not, what other options does she have? Any info appreciated. Thanks!

I really feel sorry for your sister. It's just not fair that she pay money to someone who is just going to gamble it away.

The orders are temporary and perhaps they will be removed when the divorce is final.

 

[latie]

Thanks for responding. There are two errors. The first is that they have her making 10,000 a year more than she actually makes. The second is that the date of her marriage is wrong. Her husband stated on his affidavit that they were married on one date when they were actually married on another date. If the court can't even get the date of their marriage straight, in spite of the fact that she supplied a copy of their license, then how can the court be expected to get any thing else right?
As far as my sister getting another job, she already has three and has even gone to work with a broken leg, against the express orders of her doctor. She has no choice - she's trying to keep a roof over her head. Also, through no fault of her own she has been forced to be the main bread winner because her husband couldn't be trusted to pay the bills. Too many times they had creditors come after them because her husband lied to her and told her he paid certain bills only for her later to find out that he had used the money intended to pay bills on gambling.
Ohiogal, we're wondering the same thing -Where is her lawyer???

Also Ohio, I'd rather see my sister split then wind up killing herself. The stress is really taking it's toll on this poor girl. I'm really afraid for her. She is only one person. The only mistake she made was letting her heart rule her head by marrying this bum to begin with. He has been married once before, with two children, and was a deadbeat who never supported his former wife or children. Even when ordered by the court he never paid child support. Now his children are adults and want nothing to do with him. Can anyone blame them??? I certainly can't. I wonder if my sister can use the fact that he was a deadbeat in his former marriage as evidence in this case???

 

[Ohiogal]

If your sister received findings of fact and the order and those errors are listed in the findings of fact, she can appeal it IF she is doing so in timely fashion. When did she receive the findings of fact?

 

[latie]

Ohiogal, I'm sorry, but I don't know legalese. What I do know is that she supplied proof of income from all her jobs and and on the determination that she received from the judge there is a 10,000 error. According to the court she makes 10,000 more than she actually makes. This discrepancy was an error on the courts part. So I don't know if that what finding of fact means. Will my sister be able to have the error corrected? Also, my brother-in-law has all his needs met. He has a roof over his head in a well maintained home. All the bills are paid solely by my sister. He has his full retirement check to use on gambling and now the court has ordered my sister to double that and pay his lawyers fees, yet she had to take a loan to pay her lawyer, use a credit card to pay for gas to get back and forth to work, and take peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to work for lunch and drink the free coffee that's available there. Where is the justice in that? Technically, she's an indigent worker. Can she make a hardship appeal??? Because, the bottom line is that she can only do so much. If she follows the court order then she can't make the mortgage payment.
She just received the information from the court from her lawyer on 7/18 and she has an appointment with her lawyer this coming Monday. According to the legal secretary at her lawyer's office she has 30 days to appeal the order. Is this true? Is that what you mean by a timely manner? Thanks for your advice and concern. Latie

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal, I'm sorry, but I don't know legalese. What I do know is that she supplied proof of income from all her jobs and and on the determination that she received from the judge there is a 10,000 error. According to the court she makes 10,000 more than she actually makes. This discrepancy was an error on the courts part. So I don't know if that what finding of fact means. Will my sister be able to have the error corrected? Also, my brother-in-law has all his needs met. He has a roof over his head in a well maintained home. All the bills are paid solely by my sister. He has his full retirement check to use on gambling and now the court has ordered my sister to double that and pay his lawyers fees, yet she had to take a loan to pay her lawyer, use a credit card to pay for gas to get back and forth to work, and take peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to work for lunch and drink the free coffee that's available there. Where is the justice in that? Technically, she's an indigent worker. Can she make a hardship appeal??? Because, the bottom line is that she can only do so much. If she follows the court order then she can't make the mortgage payment.
She just received the information from the court from her lawyer on 7/18 and she has an appointment with her lawyer this coming Monday. According to the legal secretary at her lawyer's office she has 30 days to appeal the order. Is this true? Is that what you mean by a timely manner? Thanks for your advice and concern. Latie

Yes that is what I mean. She should appeal it within the 30 days but if she has an attorney she needs to be talking to him/her because her attorney will know the whole story and be able to help.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? NY

My sister's husband has filed for divorce and asked for maitenance from her. After going to court to show cause the judge decreed that she has to pay him maitenance and his lawyers fees. They haven't gone to trial yet. He is an addictive gambler but that doesn't seem to matter to the judge. The problem: If she pays what the judge ordered her to pay then she can't pay the mortgage and other bills. What option does she have? My sister had seriously injured herself and had to work in spite of her injury just to keep a roof over their heads. She is also on the verge of a nervous breakdown. They have been married for twenty years, have no children and he is 20 years older than she, who is in her 50s. She is talking about quiting her job, letting the house go, and leaving the state. Would this be an option? If not, what other options does she have? Any info appreciated. Thanks!

From a purely logical financial perspective the house needs to be sold. It would be incredibly foolish to "let it go". If she can't afford it and still be able to pay the maintenance that has been ordered then she needs to downsize.

Don't let her walk away from the equity in the home just because she is stressed. Divorce brings major change....and one major change for her, that is POSITIVE, is that she will be separating herself financially (other than the maintenance) from an addicted gambler.

The house should be sold and the proceeds used to pay off the marital debt...and split whatever is left. She can rent or buy something small for herself, and will probably be a lot better off than she is now.

 

[latie]

Thanks Ohio!
Ldij - thanks for the info. I know that my sister will be a lot better without this man than with him. He has changed her life so much for the worse that being without him will bring enormous improvement. As far as division of property, I understand that NYS is an equitable distribution state. Since my sister has been the sole contributer to the relationship, she shouuld get at least 75% of the assets. Let's hope anyway!