make up visitation time?

[karma1]

We went round and round with husbands ex about court ordered Christmas visitation-started way back in June when she first got the order from court. After many many arguements and complete poisoning of kids about this and the airline tragedies, we decided to pass on the visit this year. This also includes the fact that the twins told dad they were too scared to get on a plane and we totally understand that. They live too far away to travel by car/train and dad cannot take time off to go to them to visit because it is the busiest time of the year.
Anyway, should hubby present ex with some make-up time ideas, like an extra week or two in the summer?
My thinking is that she will try to prevent the summer visit, too and may even get kids before a judge to say they don't want to come-this has been her arguement and brainwashing since June on the kids. very sad.
Ideas?

 

[buka]

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to request a make-up visit. That doesn't mean that the ex has to grant it. If you agreed to give up the Xmas visit, then she technically doesn't "owe" you anything.
Does your husband already have summer visitation? If so, perhaps requesting a make-up visit over spring break would be better so the ex can't argue that she doesn't want you to take the children for an extended period over the summer. Just an idea.
I don't know how old your kids are, but it's unlikely that mom could legally take away your visits unless she has a better reason than the kids are afraid to fly.

 

[yim-yim]

As far as I know, unless she feels like being "nice", she doesn't "have" to agree to make-up time. Kinda like, you snooze you loose no matter how justifiable the situation.

You didn't state the ages of the children but I can tell you this. If you relent to her brainwashing now, it will only get worse.

Have a lawyer type up a letter for her reinforcing the custody agreement and reminding her that it is not up to her, you or the children to determ visitation, it is up to a court of law and they have already made their determination.

As for transportation. The amount you will save by getting train/bus tickets, you should be able to afford an extra ticket and hire an escort. There has to be some friend or family memeber who can do this. (someone the children know not a stranger) Perhaps you yourself if he can't. You stated they were too young to travel this way but not with an escort. Plus since i have traveled by plane, bus and train, if my children are old enough to fly alone, they are old enough to ride a bus! What is the distance?

Remember the old adage...... give em an inch, they take a mile.

 

[Grandma B]

Plus since i have traveled by plane, bus and train, if my children are old enough to fly alone, they are old enough to ride a bus! What is the distance?
[/B]

I don't think I can agree with this. When a child travels as an unaccompanied minor on a plane, there are very strict rules and they are under the care of attendants until handed off to a previously identified person at the end of the trip. I doubt buses have the capability to follow these procedures. Putting them on a plane for a trip of a few hours is much different than putting them on a bus for a trip that could take a full day or more.

Your hubby should be commended for giving up his Christmas visit due to the girls' fear of flying right now. It's still close to the time of the tragedy. Hopefully by next summer things will have settled down a bit. For now, he could let her know that this is one-time sacrifice and that he fully expects to exercise his summer visitation rights when the time comes.

 

[karma1]

We gave up on the Christmas visit because when this all started in June (when the court order was issued), there was nothing but excuses from the mother-"I can't drive on ice and snow(I contacted the streets dept. in her town and they told me it was never a problem)", "kids will hate you if you make them come", "kids have family here", etc.. the list goes on-this we told her was a court order and she would be in contempt and end up back in court-
Then Sept. 11 happened-dad told kids, at first, he would not make them fly-then got reassured by the airlines that everything was far safer now than ever before-so, dad said they needed to come-
Then the last airline crash-daughter called and said she was too afraid-so we gave up on this one.
Kids are 13 and have flown many times-
They live in OR we live in CA-too far to travel for 7 day visit unless by plane.
My thinking now is that mom will try and get them before a judge and try to halt summer visit-I told hubby to expect that last summer may have been the last time he actually sees them until they are of age. Mom is very vindictive and needs some serious help, but what can we do?
Mom has school counselors involved and has told many lies about dad-unknown to her, though, dad has also been in contact with counselors and got to set some things straight-counselor was very understanding. (Mom got kids into counseling at school because, SUPPOSEDLY, kids were traumatized at the thought of visiting dad for Christmas-mom even stated she got a letter from the counselor saying just that-when dad contacted counselor about this letter-NONE was written-lier.)
Anyway-thanks for the input-it's very sad that my husband has to go through all this just to see his kids-

 

[yim-yim]

My meaning behind the plane/train thing was WITH someone accompanying them, I couldn't see it being a problem if they were old enough to fly by plane alone. For instance, I wouldn't go by bus for a day with a 2 year old (NIGHTMARE CITY!) nor would I send the child unaccomnied on a plane! However, I would send my 10 year old on a bus WITH an adult and I "may" send him on a plane. Just to clarify.

I asked the distance for the reason you stated, travel time, versus vistitation time and is it worthwhile.

I would seriously consider the ramifications of your choices though because they may very well set a path in motion that you don't want to follow. Unfortunatly, Sept 11th happened. The question is, is it truly safe to fly or not? If you believe it is, I understand empathizing with the childrens fears, however, you don't want to reinforce those fears by agreeing. Understand? I feel as if you would almost be saying to the kids, "Your right, it isn't safe". And looking at the long haul here, obviously you live a distance where future visitations WILL require plane travel. Every few months there is a major plane crash somewhere. And I am sure, from the sounds of it, each one will only serve to add to that fear of flying as well as offer another excuse for the bio-mom. Truth be told, the risk of flying was ALWAYS there, we are just more aware of it now. And the risk of flying or terrorists isn't going to lesson in the future. So you are faced with a question BEYOND this custody. A question most of the nation has been faced with. Do you feel flying is safe? If you don't, you should obviously never have your child (stepchild) do something that you don't feel is safe and your going to have to completly re-evaluate this situation. OR you feel it IS safe to fly and then you must exercise your best judgement.

I just know the fate of an ill intended parent and they will continue getting away with as much as possible. As long as they find someone gullible enough to believe their lies, they will continue to tell them. As long as you backdown, they'll continue to control the situation. A fathers rights of visitation are his RIGHTS, plain and simple. Whatever you do, do it because it is what you feel is best for the twins and NOT because the mother wanted it that way.

God Bless and Good Luck