Man vs woman and alimony prejudices

[tuffbrk]

you need a drink tonight for sure

Oh believe me - there's no liquor left in my town by the time I was done last night! My stomach is not very happy with me today!

Ginny/Bali - the way it is set up is to my disadvantage strategically. It puts all burden of proof on me. He won't have to prove he's disabled, I'll have to prove that he is not. For example, had they made it rehab alimony, it would force him to "prove" he's disabled to get it extended. But they made it permanent.

So, if I believe he's working, I would have to hire a PI to follow him, then file a motion claiming change of circumstances in that he's not disabled. They're including in the order that he has to provide me with updates from social security as to his status (they made their decision based on the presumption of permanent disability). Okay...so then if they don't say he's disabled, I have to file the motion. As he is not going to willingly give me anything, it forces me into the position of having to file contempt of court motions to attempt to obtain it. Info he was ordered by the court to provide to me in July is still not received!

See what I mean? They could've made it rehab, they could've accepted all of my documented proof of his misrepresentation to the VA, SS, Welfare as reason to be suspicious of any of his undocumented claims, they could've made it minimal until such time as proof was obtained. Or just said - look, you've lied repeatedly, you don't have any documentation, you're getting nothing. If you want something, bring the documentation and file for a change of circumstances.

Instead - they said to ME that there are just too many unknowns at this point. Pulled $5k out of the thin air as a CS credit and then selected an alimony amount. Based on absolutely nothing.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

TB - I feel for you. On the positive side, you will get him out of the house.

 

[tuffbrk]

My 14 yo can't wait for the house to be sold and us to move. Not that he dislikes his dad. More that he feels like he's always home alone because we're always locked up in our rooms and there's no family room (that's where he sleeps/lives).

But I'm wondering about the timelines of his leaving. The economic mediator draws up the contract with us and our attny's tomorrow (court ordered) then the judge signs off on Monday. Presumably, that is when alimony starts? So then you think I could get him out on Monday? It's what I'm going to ask tomorrow. I just don't know how reasonable an expectation that is?

 

[SingleAZdad]

TB - you referred to a panel several times. Was this decision made by a judge or thru some type of mediation?

I have a similar concern regarding alimony and my attorney indicated that STBX had the burden of proof to show that she could not work. Maybe AZ is different than your state.

Also, were you making any pendente lite payments prior to this final decision?

 

[tuffbrk]

In Nj, you get sent to what is called an early settlement panel. It's a team of family court attorneys that volunteer their time to review your "statement" & that of your STBX. They then allow each attorney to litigate for appr 15 minutes. The parties getting divorced are not privvy to any of this. After the attny's are done, they may be questioned, then they're released and the panel then debates among themselves and reach a decision. At that point, you're called in with your attny's and they tell you how they believe the case is to be settled.

You're advised to negotiate at this point because the judge will typically rule similarly to the panel. I was well prepared to negotiate but STBX is certainly not interested in giving up a free $20k a year, ya know?

After that, you go to an economic mediator who helps you to come closer to an agreement. If you don't hammer it out, you then go to trial. I've been told that I will need appr $36k to go to trial. I've already spent $30k on attny's, my kids are sick of it, I'm tired and I really want him to live somewhere other than with me.

 

[CJane]

I wonder, given the cash situation, if you can argue w/the economic mediator that you cannot afford to pay alimony while the house waits to be sold... and that it's in HIS best interests as well for the house not to go into foreclosure.

So offer to sign over $25K of your interest in the house in lieu of the first year of alimony... payable upon the sale of the house. Argue that w/the rest of the cash that's due him, he'll have plenty to live on and so it won't negatively impact him to wait for that lump sum payment as much as it would if you were to be forced into foreclosure.

That might give you a year to recoup some, get the house sold, get back on ground a bit more solid, etc.

I would also ask that he be OUT of the house w/in 24 hours of the judge signing off on the decree.

And, I would make sure I pointed out that you've already offered FAR MORE comparatively than he's settling for, by offering him ALL of your interest in the house... an appreciating asset.