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Marine Corps husband has been making plans to cheat on me and has been lying about how much money he actually has. Now, he's getting kicked out.

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The title doesn't really sum it up probably so bear with me, this is somewhat of a sticky situation.

I've been married to my husband for two years. We fell on rough times back those two years ago and so he decided to join the marine corps so we wouldn't end up homeless because neither of us could find any work at the time. My parents agreed to pay for rent as long as he was willing to marry me and join the marine corps, because he claimed this was his dream since childhood. He also claimed that he couldn't wait to marry me. He seemed like he truly loved me. We marry, he joins, he clears and passes bootcamp, finishes the MCT training and MOS school for his job. We had already previously lived together and we were absolutely happy, our relationship was so special and caring and loving. He gets stationed on Camp pendleton and this is where we are currently now.
Everything seemed fine when I first got here, we were both extremely happy and he showed no signs of cheating or bad accountability.
Flash forward a month or two, he starts running late to work all the time. Can't seem to get up and is always making it to formation late. Then flash forward a month or two, he refused to put my name on any bank account he has here. I have no money of my own and he's aware of this.

He downplayed how bad it actually was, but to make a long story short, six months later, now, his unit is administrative seperating him and he is currently sitting in the brig on base, the military prison.

I knew he was being adsepped, he told me at the end of Jan, so we were preparing to find work and an apt to move into while he was on restriction at his barracks. I was not aware and told at the last minute that he was being put in the brig when his command showed up to our house on base. I told them that he had explained to me he was being adsepped for only being late three times and I was unaware how that could put him in the brig, that seemed pretty harsh and they acted like I was completely lost because, of course, I was. They didn't tell me anything but they gave me his cellphone and debit card, the debit card to the account he had told me had all of his money in it, about $14,000 and his extra gear he purchased himself.

I checked the debit card at an atm. $140 in his checkings and 1 cent in his savings. So he had been lying to me for about six months about how much money he actually had and how much he was spending. I begged him over and over to tell me the truth.
I went home and tried to go through his phone, I know I know, that's his phone, but he has less than three weeks before he's kicked out and I'm thrown off base with him so this was an emergency. And lo and behold, I discover he's been making plans to cheat on me since the beginning of January, he's been buying girls' nudes and sending lingerie to girls in different states, he's even tried to get his female marine coworkers to have sex with him while he's been on restriction in the barracks. He's been on dating apps but once a girl he was talking to realized he was married because his roommate on restriction sold him out, he deleted all of his social media that I previously assumed he didn't have, and the dating apps he was on. (I don't use social media.)
And that's not the only thing. I discovered he's actually getting adsepped for getting a speeding ticket, and for holding onto a rental car that was past due, so past due a police report was filed and he had to spend a night in jail. He still has a court date set for that. He lied to me about all of this. He's been NJPED(Non-judicial punishment) about three times, not one time like he told me, and even went as far as to say he was going on field ops when really he was on restriction every time he got NJPed, leaving me with no food or money for two weeks to a month and a half at a time.

I have no money to my name because he has not allowed me to open up my own bank account and has told me I don't need to find a job while he's in the military. and in less than three weeks I will be homeless with none of my belongings. He has another bank account but does not want to give me access to it. I can not talk to him in the brig until this Friday.
I am scared for my life and I have no idea what to do. Please, please help me with any advice or knowledge you might have.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
The title doesn't really sum it up probably so bear with me, this is somewhat of a sticky situation.

I've been married to my husband for two years. We fell on rough times back those two years ago and so he decided to join the marine corps so we wouldn't end up homeless because neither of us could find any work at the time. My parents agreed to pay for rent as long as he was willing to marry me and join the marine corps, because he claimed this was his dream since childhood. He also claimed that he couldn't wait to marry me. He seemed like he truly loved me. We marry, he joins, he clears and passes bootcamp, finishes the MCT training and MOS school for his job. We had already previously lived together and we were absolutely happy, our relationship was so special and caring and loving. He gets stationed on Camp pendleton and this is where we are currently now.
Everything seemed fine when I first got here, we were both extremely happy and he showed no signs of cheating or bad accountability.
Flash forward a month or two, he starts running late to work all the time. Can't seem to get up and is always making it to formation late. Then flash forward a month or two, he refused to put my name on any bank account he has here. I have no money of my own and he's aware of this.

He downplayed how bad it actually was, but to make a long story short, six months later, now, his unit is administrative seperating him and he is currently sitting in the brig on base, the military prison.

I knew he was being adsepped, he told me at the end of Jan, so we were preparing to find work and an apt to move into while he was on restriction at his barracks. I was not aware and told at the last minute that he was being put in the brig when his command showed up to our house on base. I told them that he had explained to me he was being adsepped for only being late three times and I was unaware how that could put him in the brig, that seemed pretty harsh and they acted like I was completely lost because, of course, I was. They didn't tell me anything but they gave me his cellphone and debit card, the debit card to the account he had told me had all of his money in it, about $14,000 and his extra gear he purchased himself.

I checked the debit card at an atm. $140 in his checkings and 1 cent in his savings. So he had been lying to me for about six months about how much money he actually had and how much he was spending. I begged him over and over to tell me the truth.
I went home and tried to go through his phone, I know I know, that's his phone, but he has less than three weeks before he's kicked out and I'm thrown off base with him so this was an emergency. And lo and behold, I discover he's been making plans to cheat on me since the beginning of January, he's been buying girls' nudes and sending lingerie to girls in different states, he's even tried to get his female marine coworkers to have sex with him while he's been on restriction in the barracks. He's been on dating apps but once a girl he was talking to realized he was married because his roommate on restriction sold him out, he deleted all of his social media that I previously assumed he didn't have, and the dating apps he was on. (I don't use social media.)
And that's not the only thing. I discovered he's actually getting adsepped for getting a speeding ticket, and for holding onto a rental car that was past due, so past due a police report was filed and he had to spend a night in jail. He still has a court date set for that. He lied to me about all of this. He's been NJPED(Non-judicial punishment) about three times, not one time like he told me, and even went as far as to say he was going on field ops when really he was on restriction every time he got NJPed, leaving me with no food or money for two weeks to a month and a half at a time.

I have no money to my name because he has not allowed me to open up my own bank account and has told me I don't need to find a job while he's in the military. and in less than three weeks I will be homeless with none of my belongings. He has another bank account but does not want to give me access to it. I can not talk to him in the brig until this Friday.
I am scared for my life and I have no idea what to do. Please, please help me with any advice or knowledge you might have.
If I were in your position, I would call my parents, explain to them what is going on and ask for help to move back home.
 
If I were in your position, I would call my parents, explain to them what is going on and ask for help to move back home.
Unfortunately they have retired and moved to a different state. They are on a fixed income and can't afford to help me.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Unfortunately they have retired and moved to a different state. They are on a fixed income and can't afford to help me.
Then I would try to find someone else to help me. What about his parents? You are in a situation that won't be resolved without some cash.
 
Then I would try to find someone else to help me. What about his parents? You are in a situation that won't be resolved without some cash.
I contacted his parents and let them know the situation but they acted as if there was nothing they could do to help me and just told me to keep them updated.
 

Taxing Matters

Overtaxed Member
I am scared for my life and I have no idea what to do. Please, please help me with any advice or knowledge you might have.
There's not some great revelation I can give you that will solve your problems here. The guy turned out to be a poor choice of a life partner. He's broke, in the brig, and about to get kicked out of the military, and when he does get kicked out his military pay and benefits end. That background doesn't suggest that he's going to have much success any time soon in find any kind of stable employment in the near future, let alone anything that pays well. He's consistently lied to you and is looking for sex on the side, so he's not faithful. I think you already know you need to end this relationship and move on. Seek help from friends and family to do it. Contact legal aid organizations to see what help they can provide. You may qualify for some government assistance, too, while you get back on your feet without him. There are also support organizations out there that can help you, too, including at least one that focuses on providing information and support for spouses divorcing military members. File for divorce and put this guy behind you. Divorce should not be a terribly difficult deal here when there are no children and no assets to fight over. Unfortunately it doesn't look like you'll be able to count on getting anything from him to help you.
 

bcr229

Active Member
https://installations.militaryonesource.mil/military-installation/camp-pendleton/legal/legal-assistance
Even if they can't help you, ask if they can refer you to a local attorney or organization that will provide low-cost legal services. This can't be the first time they've seen this kind of situation.

Also get a credit report on yourself to ensure that unbeknownst to you, your husband has not opened joint any joint accounts to cover his expenses. It's free and you can do it online. https://www.transunion.com/annual-credit-report
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Also, see if you can get an appointment to talk to his command. There may be resources available to help you that his command could steer you towards.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
You have received some excellent suggestions. File for divorce and don't dwell the details of what he has been doing. Yes, he frittered away marital assets wastefully, but there's nothing left to divide and his job prospects are slim. You would have to spend much more in legal fees than you'd ever be reimbursed. Just walk away with your head held high.

If you are a member of a faith community, whatever the religion, also reach out to them. (It certainly can't hurt.) Sometimes clergy are given some $ to, at their discretion, perform charitable acts.

If you have made any friends, no matter how casual, reach out to them.

You already started packing. Split the boxes into 3 piles: unambiguously yours, unambiguously his, and jointly/marital.

Put your stuff in storage (or sell). Try to store the other stuff in storage, rather than abandoning it.

Seek employment.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
You have received some excellent suggestions. File for divorce and don't dwell the details of what he has been doing. Yes, he frittered away marital assets wastefully, but there's nothing left to divide and his job prospects are slim. You would have to spend much more in legal fees than you'd ever be reimbursed. Just walk away with your head held high.

If you are a member of a faith community, whatever the religion, also reach out to them. (It certainly can't hurt.) Sometimes clergy are given some $ to, at their discretion, perform charitable acts.

If you have made any friends, no matter how casual, reach out to them.

You already started packing. Split the boxes into 3 piles: unambiguously yours, unambiguously his, and jointly/marital.

Put your stuff in storage (or sell). Try to store the other stuff in storage, rather than abandoning it.

Seek employment.
Excellent advice, Red.
 

Shadowbunny

Queen of the Not-Rights
Unfortunately, there isn't much base legal can do for you, except give you a list of attorneys in your area who are familiar with military issues. And given that your husband will soon be out of the military, I'm not sure how that will help you.

However, the base Family Advocacy Office may be able to give you info as to local shelters and other resources. Because if you're going to be homeless, getting shelter is first priority.

Lastly, please know that your dirt-bag of a husband isn't getting thrown into military prison for the minor offenses he's committed. And you may never know the extent of his illegal activities.
 

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