Missed visits

[buka]

I know that one of the grounds for modifying a visitation order is frequent noncompliance with the schedule.
NCP has started skipping e/o visit (so visits are only occuring once a month at this point) with no explanation. I'm just wondering how long this type of behavior must go on before a judge would consider it grounds to restrict/decrease visitation? 6 months? A year?

 

[Grandma B]

Sounds like he's effectively decreased the visitation himself. It's probably not worth spending your time and money to have it changed by the court. Just continue to keep those records in case you do end up there.

 

[buka]

The reason I would want to have the court reduce the visits is that it would alleviate the anxiety on the child if there were less visits to be missed.

 

[Grandma B]

That thought had entered my mind also. Is he simply standing the child up when he misses visits? Not giving notice that he's not picking them up? That's traumatic for the child. Maybe you could try talking to him about it. Explain that it's harmful to your child expecting him to come, then he doesn't show. Tell him you're willing to have the visitations once a month if that's what he wants, but that the child needs to know when to count on his coming. If he's resistant, then tell him you're going to ask for a decrease in court.

If you know that the matter can't be discussed civilly, you could ask your attorney to write him a letter stating that either he stop disappointing the child or you're going to file for a modification to the visitation.

 

[buka]

Thank you for the replies.
I know the matter can't be discussed civilly, I've tried. Before I threaten to go back to court, I want to make sure I've got enough to back up my argument. Visitation has always been an issue, but the skipping e/o visit thing is relatively new, which is why I was wondering how long I need to let it go on before a judge would consider my request reasonable. (And in answer to your question, there is never an explanation or advance warning given when a visit is missed.)

 

[smh33]

I'm voting with Grandma B. Document and go with if it is set. If implies visit will happen and then just stands up child...try to suggest an agreement of new terms even if just temporary. Maybe ex is afraid you won't agree so doesn't ask. If no chance that way...I have found a simple letter from lawyer suggesting change and mutual agreement to such in order to avoid court...can sometimes produce results and avoid cost/hassle of court. In my state if both parties agree...lawyer can present to judge without either party having to be present, that is if you want to change it permanantly. Ex may be reluctant to this for fear of how hard to get back in future, temporary change may be easier...especially if ex possibly has some external reason for missing, some other temp circumstance. I only question going with nothing on paper because it might leave you vunerable down the road to ex showing up unexpected and demanding child per his visitation. Probably just do not need scene like that, if on paper..even just witnessed/notarized at lawyer's, ex has bounderies. I do not know, but have never seen or heard of a minium/maximum standard to determine non compliance. My guess would be courts view once as non compliance, 2,3 times...that's a strike. Good Luck