modification of soon to be school aged visitations

[Jelloo23]

What is the name of your state? Indiana (ordered in MI after I had already moved to IN)

My divorce states for visitation that my sons father (who lives in Michigan and is approx. 320 miles away) gets him the second week of every month (sunday to sunday) (I provide transportation) He may also have him for another weekend if he so chooses but that he must provide half of the transportation. He does not wish to do that because of the driving, so we came to an agreement that instead of sunday to sunday the week of his visitation he would instead get him saturday morning through the following sunday, giving him the extra time he wants and saving him the driving. It also states that we share every other holiday, but it does not state who does the driving during this time. So far I have provide all of the driving to and from those visitations as well. Including fathers day visitations and making efforts for our son to spend time with his father on his fathers birthday. The divorce papers also state that once our son reaches school age (he will be turning 5 in August) that his visitations will be half of all school breaks but not more than 2 weeks in a row. The divorce papers never stated anything else as to what other visitation he will recieve aside from school breaks. I have asked him about visitation once our son is in school. He wants him every other weekend but is unwilling to do any of the driving. I offered him 1 weekend a month and that I would do all of the driving. We have joint custody but I have physical custody of our son and he has lived with me in the state of Indiana for over 3 years now. I was wondering if I would be able to file in Indiana now for changes to visitation since we have been residence so long. I have tried to work with him on things throughout this whole thing. I even went so far as to lower his child support when he got laid off and even kept it lowered once he found another job because he wasnt making as much money. He is suppose to keep medical on our son, but for over a year now, my husband has been providing medical insurance for him instead. Plus now with our son getting ready to start school and I am having to find a job, I cant do the traveling that I have done in the past. Any advice or wisedom at all would be greatly appreciated because I am just at a loss as to what to do anymore. I am in no way trying to keep father and son from spending time together, but without help on my ex's part its getting harder and harder.

 

[fried eggs]

It is time for you to stop doing your X's share of long distance parenting tasks. If he wants to see his child, tell him to come get him. You go pick the child up. That way you don't get stuck with X having you deliver child and then telling you to come back and get him. This is, of course, as long as the court orders do not state otherwise.

What I have gleaned from your post is that you have been willing to do all the work to make sure they had a relationship. Your Ex has been willing to let you do all the work. He doesn't want to now have to help out with what you've been doing on your own for years. That is his problem, not yours.

I understand it will be your child's as well, but, unfortunately, you can't make certain people want to be a parent. Now, if your ex really does want to be a parent, he will start doing his share when he realizes you aren't going to be manipulated via your child's emotions into it. If he doesn't, well, there is heartache ahead no matter what you do now.

Take care and good luck with it!

 

[stealth2]

Actually, it would be best to have the transportation specified through the courts. Because you moved - it is entirely possible that you will be held responsible for 100% of the transportation.

You can play hardball, and make him take you back to court if he wants anything beyond the ordered 1/2 school holidays. That may or may not backfire on you - it will all depend on the judge and whether or not s/he decides you were trying to withhold the child.

You can play it a little softer and insist on the 1 w/e a month w/you driving, or he can take you to court (this will look better on you).

Or you can do whatever he wants you to do.

Since Dad still lives in MI, that's likely where jurisdiction will remain.

 

[tigger22472]

Let me help a little bit here... The OP is a friend of mine and I told her to post here It could even be my fault it's not specific enough.. damn... screwed up again...

OP moved to Indiana from MI before the final divorce hearing... actually I believe it was even before the inital divorce hearing... yes I know.. and she took the child.. However, the child is 4 now.. the order states she provides all transportation for NCP to have one full week a month.. She complies. The court order also states that IF the NCP would like an extra weekend a month he is to provide HALF the transportation. In order to not cause a fight with NCP and keep a relationship with the child OP has been taking child up on Sat. morning instead of Sun. evening for the week visitation giving dad the extra time without him having to pay expenses. The court order does not say anything about transportation on holidays. The OP has bent over backwards for NCP going as far as paying for medical when NCP was ordered to, has even agreed for him to pay a lower amount of support then the order due to hardship without NCP having to go to court and yet he still continues to harrass her and accuse her of not fostering a relationship between him and his child. ALSO, her order states that once he starts school that NCP gets HALF of all school vacations not to exceed 2 weeks. NCP also wants EOW but if we read the court order right he doesn't technically get it. He wants EOW but doesn't want to do transportation. She offered him ONE weekend a month and she'd pay but he wouldn't accept that.

Unlike some of the posts we see here where a CP is trying to stop visitation or prevent a relationship this OP isn't like that. She bends over backwards for this man and he takes advantage of that. I have advised her to go STRICTLY by the court order and let him threaten whatever he would like but she wants to make sure she follows it right. We found a place that says she CAN transfer it to Indiana since residency has changed. It says IN would go by the MI order but they could also alter it.

She's just very concerned that her ex could cause more problems.