modification turned to custody battle

[mom5]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma
I consulted my attorney for modification of child support and to change visitation days of 15 a month to standard visitation.
I have had full custody of my child for 7 years. I only requested a modification because He was only paying 46.80 a month and never would help with any additional expenses. Example, I ask him to pay half (10.00) a month for a rental of a musical instrument. He said no, he did not have the money. After a computation was made his new amount of child support was 495.00. Furious, he then manipulated our daughter, made promises to her, made her lie to me, encouraged her to run away. All to get custody of her. Because he did not want to pay the above amount of child support. Ironically, I cannot prove any illegal activity from him. I agreed to her changing residence with her. Only because I knew I had no control over the situation. I have 4 other children and her actions have disrupted the entire family. Her father has convinced her that I have commented physical and mental abuse, now changed to verbal and mental abuse. This has commented slander on to me and my family.
This has been an emotional distress. I have not only lost my daughter physically but emotionally. I have only seen her 5 hours after a month. The legal issues have become overwhelming, I am confused with such matters. He has stated he wants no child support. My attorney recommends that I pay 149.02. I do not work. I feel I should not have to pay anything, due to I have had the financially burden for years, or should I say my current husband. If my ex husband agrees to deny child suppport, shouldn't I not pay? If I should pay, I feel it should be the same amount I received from him. (46.80). I also am requesting joint legal custody and giving him full physical custody. Is this possible? Also, I have been told by my attorney that I can only get standard visitation. I am just wanting a bit more. Actually I just want it to be stated alternating holidays and school holidays and 6 weeks in the summer.
I am frustrated in understanding my legal rights verses what is right and wrong. The simple fact is that I have had my daughter taken away from me and I am wanting to have as many parental rights as possible. I feel in my heart I should fight the custody in the first place, however, I have been adviced that my daughter will get what she request. So confused, needing advice and any suggestions. Thank you for your time.

 

[stealth2]

I'm not certain how 15 days a month visitation translates to full custody for you - and that would be one reason why his CS was calculated at that amount. If he was routinely not taking the time alloted, you could (and should) have taken it back for a modification much sooner - assuming you documented the time he took/didn't.

The reason your lawyer feels you should pay support is actually quite simple. A parent is not generally allowed to waive the support their child is entitled to. The court WILL order support - if the two of you reach an agreement where you pay and he reimburses, the court won't do anything about it - but they will not permit you to not pay support. I am assuuming that you're not working and that the other 4 children are not your ex's. In most states, that's not an excuse to not support a child. $150/mo is most likely based on an imputed income based on minimum wage, and your having standard visitation. What was in the past with his order is moot. And having additional children is not likely to gain you much of a decrease in support. Sorry.

 

[Cookie97128]

Why are you giving up so easily?
Do you not want your daughter with you?
How old is your daughter?
The judge can see right through what your ex is doing... It happens often enough.
A cp (mom or dad) files for mod of support and teh NCP files for full custody.

Does your ex currently have custody? If not, go get your daughter and TALK to her. Take her to a moderator or counslor. What he's done to her is PAS against YOU. Parental Allienation Syndrome. People bitch and moan that CP do this against the NCP all the time, yet here it is in reverse.

Stand up for your daughter. Don't ALLOW her to be minipulated by your EX.

Good Luck.

 

[stealth2]

curious, cookie - does "minipulation" make one a smaller person?

(sorry, OP - couldn't resist)

 

[mom5]

Well I just talked to my Attorney. On the legal end of it. I should be able to get what I am wanting, especially wanting joint legal custody. The child support issue was a miss communication it is the same 46.80.
The reason there was 15 days a month granted to NCP was he was under the impression he was getting joint custody. However, visitation was not done in accordance. It has always been similiar to a standard visitation. His main objective was to pay the least amount child support. And yes this should had been done a long time ago. However, I was not ever concerned over the financial part. My main concern was with my daughters well being. And having her father a part of her life. Which I practiced faithfully these past 7 years. I held on my differences aside concerning him and his family. Just to keep the peace so to speak. I find his recent behaivor not normal. He has never been a bad father. Just cheap.
I am not giving up on my daughter, I have tried to speak with her and get her to counsling, however, she has become so agressive and malicious to all of us. I feel in my "head" it is in the best interest of the rest of my family. To let her go live with her father.
She is 13 years old. And yes, I agree, I think the judge would see right through it. However, the wear and tear that the rest of my family would have to go through would be unbearable. And I don't want her to resent me.
I feel that so much has happen now that I have to stand back and first try to get my family through the legal matters and keep constant contact with my daughter. I know in my heart that she will one day see through all this and know that I have only given her the truth, unlike her father. His promises will start dimenishing and his wife and my daughter will soon have conflict. I just have to be there for her. And always let her know she has a family here.
Thanks for the comments and suggestions. This has been the most trying time of my life.
And I will keep it in mind about the reference to Parent Allienation Syndrome. I never had heard of that. I knew that it was going on I am now knowing there is a word to go with it.
Thanks again.

 

[Cookie97128]

curious, cookie - does "minipulation" make one a smaller person?

(sorry, OP - couldn't resist)

Very funny...
( I didn't have time to look it up... to make sure all my spelling is correct. I don't have that dang much time on my hands like you... )