krawstrong
Junior Member
What is the name of your state? WA, but father lives in VA
Divorced in 1998, had one child. Divided property. I got $420 per month child support, and got to claim child on my taxes. We both lived in NC.
Went to court for a visitation plan, the father received:
Every other weekend
Alternating Tuesdays & Thursdays one week with Wednesdays the next week
Father’s Day
2 weeks in the summer
Christmas odd years
Easter, Thanksgiving, and New Years on even years
And other times when reasonable
I remarried, so we moved to Charlotte, NC, 2 hours away. Continued every other weekend and other times, eliminated alternating Tuesdays & Thursdays with Wednesdays.
Then we moved again for husband’s job to Asheville, NC, about 4 hours away. Continued every other weekend and other times, eliminated alternating Tuesdays & Thursdays with Wednesdays.
Then the father moved to Alexandria, Virginia, about 6 hours away. Still kept visitation schedule, eliminated alternating Tuesdays & Thursdays with Wednesdays.
Then we moved to north of Baltimore, MD, about a couple of hours of a drive. Still kept visitation schedule, eliminated alternating Tuesdays & Thursdays with Wednesdays.
2003, we moved to Washington state. The child flies almost every month for a Wednesday to Sunday visit. Plus the holidays and summer vacation. We alternate months to pay.
During this time, I have worked at keeping the child on the visitation schedule, many times going above and beyond what I had to do. Example: It was father's year for Christmas, but military changed his schedule, he canceled, then they changed again, and I flew son there at the last minute, w/ last minute expenses. Another time, I flew for a death in father's family. I homeschool child and that has been the best, it has allowed him to not have his school life too upset.
Here is the problem: Child does not want to go every month to Virginia. He would like his visitation to be changed to be about every other month and he doesn’t want to spend a whole two weeks there during the summer. When he has tried to talk with his father, his father is verbally and emotionally abusive. Comments like: You don’t love us… you don’t love your family here… your mother put you up to this.... There are other emotionally draining comments that father makes to child that wear him down so he avoids talking to his father. The child doesn't want to go as often because he cannot be involved in some organized activities being gone almost a week a month... Sounds easy, but in reality, it is not easy. The child would like to be involved in some sports and is feeling lacking in that area. I do have him involved in swimming, because you can make up missed lessons.
How do we proceed? How much would this all be? Father is in the Army, so I can’t just yank him to court. We live in WA state, so it will all be expensive. I am pretty sure father doesn’t want to go to court. If I were to say how I thought it might go down, it would be something like:
Attorney writes letter on behalf of child to father... stating that he wants his visitation revised, also offering to go to court if father chooses. Either father agrees to agree out of court, or he then initiates court. But then, that also means that the child, who will be 13 in August, will have to go to court. But child is a minor, so I don’t know how it goes.
The child doesn't want to go to VA for several reasons: 1) He doesn't spend any quality time with father, step mother won't allow it -- and his siblings are a lot younger there. 2) They berate our family. 3) When he goes now, he spends a lot of time alone because siblings are in school, friends over there are in school, father is at work, and he tries to stay out of the step mother's way. 4) Father doesn't believe that son has allergies, so doesn't allow him to take over the counter allergy medicine????? 5) Father doesn't believe that son can get a headache from being hungry, so doesn't allow him to eat...
Divorced in 1998, had one child. Divided property. I got $420 per month child support, and got to claim child on my taxes. We both lived in NC.
Went to court for a visitation plan, the father received:
Every other weekend
Alternating Tuesdays & Thursdays one week with Wednesdays the next week
Father’s Day
2 weeks in the summer
Christmas odd years
Easter, Thanksgiving, and New Years on even years
And other times when reasonable
I remarried, so we moved to Charlotte, NC, 2 hours away. Continued every other weekend and other times, eliminated alternating Tuesdays & Thursdays with Wednesdays.
Then we moved again for husband’s job to Asheville, NC, about 4 hours away. Continued every other weekend and other times, eliminated alternating Tuesdays & Thursdays with Wednesdays.
Then the father moved to Alexandria, Virginia, about 6 hours away. Still kept visitation schedule, eliminated alternating Tuesdays & Thursdays with Wednesdays.
Then we moved to north of Baltimore, MD, about a couple of hours of a drive. Still kept visitation schedule, eliminated alternating Tuesdays & Thursdays with Wednesdays.
2003, we moved to Washington state. The child flies almost every month for a Wednesday to Sunday visit. Plus the holidays and summer vacation. We alternate months to pay.
During this time, I have worked at keeping the child on the visitation schedule, many times going above and beyond what I had to do. Example: It was father's year for Christmas, but military changed his schedule, he canceled, then they changed again, and I flew son there at the last minute, w/ last minute expenses. Another time, I flew for a death in father's family. I homeschool child and that has been the best, it has allowed him to not have his school life too upset.
Here is the problem: Child does not want to go every month to Virginia. He would like his visitation to be changed to be about every other month and he doesn’t want to spend a whole two weeks there during the summer. When he has tried to talk with his father, his father is verbally and emotionally abusive. Comments like: You don’t love us… you don’t love your family here… your mother put you up to this.... There are other emotionally draining comments that father makes to child that wear him down so he avoids talking to his father. The child doesn't want to go as often because he cannot be involved in some organized activities being gone almost a week a month... Sounds easy, but in reality, it is not easy. The child would like to be involved in some sports and is feeling lacking in that area. I do have him involved in swimming, because you can make up missed lessons.
How do we proceed? How much would this all be? Father is in the Army, so I can’t just yank him to court. We live in WA state, so it will all be expensive. I am pretty sure father doesn’t want to go to court. If I were to say how I thought it might go down, it would be something like:
Attorney writes letter on behalf of child to father... stating that he wants his visitation revised, also offering to go to court if father chooses. Either father agrees to agree out of court, or he then initiates court. But then, that also means that the child, who will be 13 in August, will have to go to court. But child is a minor, so I don’t know how it goes.
The child doesn't want to go to VA for several reasons: 1) He doesn't spend any quality time with father, step mother won't allow it -- and his siblings are a lot younger there. 2) They berate our family. 3) When he goes now, he spends a lot of time alone because siblings are in school, friends over there are in school, father is at work, and he tries to stay out of the step mother's way. 4) Father doesn't believe that son has allergies, so doesn't allow him to take over the counter allergy medicine????? 5) Father doesn't believe that son can get a headache from being hungry, so doesn't allow him to eat...
