modifying visitation due to move

[jbowman]

What is the name of your state? CA

It has come to my attention that the NCP in my case plans to move to my neighborhood. This is a wonderful thing for my child as NCP currently lives pretty far away (not a bike ride). We have always had a EOW visitation schedule--even when NCP lived within a few miles of us--he moved about 3 years ago.

My question is: if visitation has ALWAYS been set this way, is it very likely to change because of a move closer? I also ask because I believe the move is being done partly to change visitation so CS will be lowered. I would actually be happy to have our child spend more time with NCP because it is best for my child if NCP would actually pay his share. At this point I can't even get reimbursed for medical co-pays so I am very concerned about getting 50/50 custody, getting no CS and still paying for EVERYTHING. Hey, Casa, any thoughts?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Has NCP somehow stated that they want to modify custody after the move?

Just to play devils advocate for a minute, but if 50/50 custody were to be awarded, wouldn’t the NCP then be in a position to have to pay for half of the costs of the child? My thought is that instead of worrying about the support, be glad that NCP is trying to take a more active role.

I know that in my state(MD), even with 50/50 custody, there is still going to be child support paid even if both Mom and Dad get paid the exact same amount of money, based on things like insurance, who pays daycare, etc.

Sorry for the disjointedness, but I’m feeling like that this morning…

 

[CJane]

Has NCP somehow stated that they want to modify custody after the move?

Just to play devils advocate for a minute, but if 50/50 custody were to be awarded, wouldn’t the NCP then be in a position to have to pay for half of the costs of the child?

Not necessarily.

Ex and I have a 60/40 split. The kids spend 3 nights every week with me, 2 with him, we alternate the other 2.

We each pay the cost of housing, of course, but he will not pay for a single 'extra' at all. Ever. Because he's not ordered to.

So I pay for soccer, karate, 4-H, Brownies, riding lessons, dance, etc. I pay for school lunches/breakfasts. I pay daycare (not figured into CS either). I buy school supplies. I buy the winter coats/boots. I pay for hair cuts.

He's even said "I have them 1/2 the time. Doesn't mean I have to do 1/2 the work."

 

[jbowman]

We each pay the cost of housing, of course, but he will not pay for a single 'extra' at all. Ever. Because he's not ordered to.

So I pay for soccer, karate, 4-H, Brownies, riding lessons, dance, etc. I pay for school lunches/breakfasts. I pay daycare (not figured into CS either). I buy school supplies. I buy the winter coats/boots. I pay for hair cuts.

He's even said "I have them 1/2 the time. Doesn't mean I have to do 1/2 the work."

And this is EXACTLY my concern. Right now, I do receive support but I pay for EVERY SINGLE thing. We all know how the counterpart in each relationship is. I know that NCP will NOT buy school clothes, shoes, school supplies, haircuts--NOTHING regardless of 50/50. I think it would be WONDERFUL for NCP to spend more time with child but given the fact that he has every opportunity to spend extra time with our child NOW but does NOT tells me that the reason for the move is purely financial.

If the custody arrangement has been the same for our childs ENTIRE life, is it likely to change because of a move closer if that is the only change of circumstance?

 

[nextwife]

If the custody arrangement has been the same for our childs ENTIRE life, is it likely to change because of a move closer if that is the only change of circumstance?

And how long is "the child's ENTIRE life"? How old are they?

The court WOULD be likely to entertain a schedule that would previously been impossible due to distance if the parent has gone ahead and moved close to their child. And if the child was in the NCPs home , say, 50% of the time, that is 50% less food at home, less entertainment etc that you pay for, so some of your costs WOULD be less. And maybe if dad was with his child more, he might be inclined to be more emotionally vested in the child's activities, and be more financially supportive of them, or those that he encourages.

 

[CJane]

If the custody arrangement has been the same for our childs ENTIRE life, is it likely to change because of a move closer if that is the only change of circumstance?

I think it's unlikely that a contested 50/50 would be granted JUST BECAUSE he moved back to the area... mostly because when he lived near you previously he did NOT request 50/50.

 

[nextwife]

I think it's unlikely that a contested 50/50 would be granted JUST BECAUSE he moved back to the area... mostly because when he lived near you previously he did NOT request 50/50.

Were the children infants when he lived nearby?

 

[jbowman]

And how long is "the child's ENTIRE life"? How old are they?

The court WOULD be likely to entertain a schedule that would previously been impossible due to distance if the parent has gone ahead and moved close to their child. And if the child was in the NCPs home , say, 50% of the time, that is 50% less food at home, less entertainment etc that you pay for, so some of your costs WOULD be less. And maybe if dad was with his child more, he might be inclined to be more emotionally vested in the child's activities, and be more financially supportive of them, or those that he encourages.

The child is 13 years old. We have not lived together since child was 2. Yes, 50% less food at home would save me A TREMENDOUS amount of money. Haha. Thats a good one. No offense, nextwife, I just dont think saving $80 a month is that big of a deal in the grand scheme of EVERYTHING I pay for.

I understand having a hopeful "glass half full" attitude but that just isnt the case here. Unless specifically ordered otherwise, I will stay be paying for everything.

Nothing has been impossible due to distance. NCP moved 40 miles away three years ago. Before that, NCP didnt want 50/50, didnt ask but also didnt pay the amount of support that is currently ordered--it went up recently. Suddenly after CS was just modified, NCP is moving to my area.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? CA

It has come to my attention that the NCP in my case plans to move to my neighborhood. This is a wonderful thing for my child as NCP currently lives pretty far away (not a bike ride). We have always had a EOW visitation schedule--even when NCP lived within a few miles of us--he moved about 3 years ago.

My question is: if visitation has ALWAYS been set this way, is it very likely to change because of a move closer? I also ask because I believe the move is being done partly to change visitation so CS will be lowered. I would actually be happy to have our child spend more time with NCP because it is best for my child if NCP would actually pay his share. At this point I can't even get reimbursed for medical co-pays so I am very concerned about getting 50/50 custody, getting no CS and still paying for EVERYTHING. Hey, Casa, any thoughts?

He'd have to file a modification of visitation. It wouldn't warrant a Custody Change, per say...but it's typical to ask to include 1 or 2 midweek visits when a parent moves closer. Maybe overnight Weds. or Tues & Thurs. evening visits for 3-4 hours. That's my best guess. CA doesn't like to change existing Custody. It's time/money consuming, and courts like Status Quo. 50/50 is most common coming directly out of a marriage/divorce situation where the children HAVE ALREADY been spending 50/50 with each parent & they live very close to one another.

And I ditto that in CA 50/50 does not mean there is no Child Support order.

 

[jbowman]

Were the children infants when he lived nearby?

One child, and no, why do you ask? He lived nearby from child's birth until the child was 10 years old.

 

[CJane]

One child, and no, why do you ask? He lived nearby from child's birth until the child was 10 years old.

Again, I very strongly doubt he would be successful in changing custody now - and I'm glad you reminded me that CS was recently changed, I thought I remembered that, but wasn't sure. The recent increase in CS is another reason custody is unlikely to change.

IF he filed for a modification, I would recommend responding with a parenting plan that included him being ordered to transport child to all activities she's historically been involved in, pay for all extracurriculars w/you reimbursing him a proportionate amount based on incomes (like CS is) etc. And I'd bet you $100 he'd drop his quest provided it really is about the money.