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mom messing with visitation

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WI_Dad

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI

non-mom's husband here. get to post my own question for a change. daughter's mom is messing with my visitation on thursdays again. She claims that my daughter would rather stay home with her and bake cookies than go to her horse riding lesson. I have court-ordered visitation every thursday for lessons. i got tired of it and sent the ex an email this morning and told her that this would be the last time that my daughter was not available for lessons. i told her that the next time that she does not make my daughter available i would ask her to pay the costs i still am charged even when she does not show up for the lesson. my wife says i really can't do that but what else can i do besides go back to court?

the thing that gets me the most angry is that she asks my daughter about not going to lessons before even asking me about it. i told the ex that my daughter does not have the choice to not have visitation. now i sit back and wait for the sh*t storm to start.
 


wileybunch

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WI

non-mom's husband here. get to post my own question for a change. daughter's mom is messing with my visitation on thursdays again. She claims that my daughter would rather stay home with her and bake cookies than go to her horse riding lesson. I have court-ordered visitation every thursday for lessons. i got tired of it and sent the ex an email this morning and told her that this would be the last time that my daughter was not available for lessons. i told her that the next time that she does not make my daughter available i would ask her to pay the costs i still am charged even when she does not show up for the lesson. my wife says i really can't do that but what else can i do besides go back to court?

the thing that gets me the most angry is that she asks my daughter about not going to lessons before even asking me about it. i told the ex that my daughter does not have the choice to not have visitation. now i sit back and wait for the sh*t storm to start.
You have no power to do that bolded part above, so why bother with empty threats?

However, you can say something like this:

I consider my parenting time with CHILD to be an important part of all our lives. Our current parenting time share in the DATE court order includes time from BLAH to BLAH every Thursday night. I understand that sometimes special opportunities come up for that day that may need to be discussed and I'm willing to be flexible with the schedule on a case by case basis, but I expect reasonable advance notice and reserve the "right of refusal" on all such changes in the court ordered schedule and of course compensatory time for agreed upon rearrangements to the schedule. I will be there TONIGHT/THIS THURSDAY (depending on when you send) to pick up CHILD.

P.S. -- If this continues, yes, you WILL have to go back to court. You only have the power to carry out your part of the CO and remind the other parent of court order language when they "forget". You can't enforce it yourself.
 
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Can you show up to take your daughter to lessons? You may have to go back to court on this.
So I let Dad type up his own question. Two hours later.....:p Good thing Dad had a half day off of work this morning!

OG, I was afraid that you were going to say that. In fact, I told Dad that he might have to take this back to court, or at least back to mediation.

Just talked to Dad on the phone and asked if he wanted to file a report about the denied vistation (show up at Mom's with CO and cop, etc.). But he said he has already told Mom that this instance is fine but it will be the last time. Based on that, should he still file the report or is that a moot point if he said the missed visitiaton is fine?
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
So I let Dad type up his own question. Two hours later.....:p Good thing Dad had a half day off of work this morning!

OG, I was afraid that you were going to say that. In fact, I told Dad that he might have to take this back to court, or at least back to mediation.

Just talked to Dad on the phone and asked if he wanted to file a report about the denied vistation (show up at Mom's with CO and cop, etc.). But he said he has already told Mom that this instance is fine but it will be the last time. Based on that, should he still file the report or is that a moot point if he said the missed visitiaton is fine?
he said it is fine and therefore there is no contempt. He has agreed to his daughter not seeing him this week.
 
You have no power to do that bolded part above, so why bother with empty threats?
Yeah, that might have been my fault a little. :eek: I am the one that pays for the horse and lessons and board and whatnot. When Dad told me that Mom had sent him an email about the little girl not being available for her lesson tonight, I ranted and raved about how this was the third time Mom was causing ME to pay money for another missed lesson.

I didn't realize Dad had put that in his email until I read it here. Way to go, Dad! But hey, he may have no power to demand reimbursement, but he certainly can ask, right?!?! :D
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Yeah, that might have been my fault a little. :eek: I am the one that pays for the horse and lessons and board and whatnot. When Dad told me that Mom had sent him an email about the little girl not being available for her lesson tonight, I ranted and raved about how this was the third time Mom was causing ME to pay money for another missed lesson.

I didn't realize Dad had put that in his email until I read it here. Way to go, Dad! But hey, he may have no power to demand reimbursement, but he certainly can ask, right?!?! :D
Yep he can ask. And if she pays great. If not, he really doesn't have a leg to stand on though he does have a horse to ride apparently.
 

txmom512

Member
Why would you keep sd in lessons if she's not interested?

My dd has been taking lessons since she was 7. She's 12 now and is a camp counselor at the stables, works there all day every Saturday, is riding/training a greenish horse (which is wonderful - it's like leasing a horse w/out having to pay for the lease because they practically beg her to come out and work w/ him as much as possible), and helping with beginner lessons. She practically lives out there these days.

She (and I) can tell you from experience, if you're not really into it, it's Really not fun. You can tell the kids that aren't as intrested in riding as maybe someone else wants them to be, or as they used to be.... It also may be something else - like a not so good instructor, etc, that can ruin it.

Forcing her to go when she doesn't really want to will just make it worse. if she's not interested in riding, dad and she should explore other things that she may be interested in that they can do on Thursdays....
 
Why would you keep sd in lessons if she's not interested?

My dd has been taking lessons since she was 7. She's 12 now and is a camp counselor at the stables, works there all day every Saturday, is riding/training a greenish horse (which is wonderful - it's like leasing a horse w/out having to pay for the lease because they practically beg her to come out and work w/ him as much as possible), and helping with beginner lessons. She practically lives out there these days.

She (and I) can tell you from experience, if you're not really into it, it's Really not fun. You can tell the kids that aren't as intrested in riding as maybe someone else wants them to be, or as they used to be.... It also may be something else - like a not so good instructor, etc, that can ruin it.

Forcing her to go when she doesn't really want to will just make it worse. if she's not interested in riding, dad and she should explore other things that she may be interested in that they can do on Thursdays....
Uhhh yeah. How 'bout you spend a little time around here and read some of my other posts giving advice. :rolleyes: That way I wouldn't have to explain how dead wrong your advice is for my situation. Thanks, though!
 

mommyof4

Senior Member
Uhhh yeah. How 'bout you spend a little time around here and read some of my other posts giving advice. :rolleyes: That way I wouldn't have to explain how dead wrong your advice is for my situation. Thanks, though!
Your response is a bit out of line and I have read all of your many posts.

Actually, I was going to ask if you and Dad are sure that his daughter is still interested in lessons, but I guess I won't.

And is there a legitimate reason DAD can't finish asking the questions on one of the few threads he actually started? :cool:
 

txmom512

Member
Uhhh yeah. How 'bout you spend a little time around here and read some of my other posts giving advice. :rolleyes: That way I wouldn't have to explain how dead wrong your advice is for my situation. Thanks, though!
What are you even talking about? The fact that I don't reply to posts because I usually leave that to others with more experience, and prefer to watch and listen and learn, doesn't mean I don't read what's going on.... I have ready your posts.

Obviously she's not that interestedif she'd rather stay home w/ mom than go to her lesson.

I also know that your sd may have lost interest right now because of the cold - riding in the cold can be downright painful physically. It rarely gets too cold down here to ride, but I can tell you that when it Is cold, that is about the only time my dd would not jump at the chance to ride...

Like I said - if she's not interested, maybe she and dad can look into doing something else on Thursdays that she IS interested in doing...
 
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My point is that just because Mom says SD wants to stay home doesn't mean that SD actually wants to stay home.

In the interest of not airing a bunch of drama, I wasn't going to bring up the fact that SD called me from school during her lunch today. She was crying because she DIDN'T want to miss her lesson and tried to tell Mom that. According to SD, Mom got mad at her for wanting to go to her lesson as scheduled instead of baking cookies. SD wanted me to call Mom and explain that SD wanted to go to her lesson. Yeah, that wasn't going to happen!

I called Dad on his break at work and told him about SD calling me. So Dad called Mom, and they were able to compromise. SD will go to her lesson for only half of the normally scheduled time, and then Dad will bring her to Mom's sister's house where they are baking cookies. Sure, it means that I am paying for a full hour with the trainer when SD will only be there for a half hour and that Dad has to drive SD to Mom's sister's house in another town. But hey, at least it keeps SD happy...and Mom not angry at SD!
 
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