Mom needs help with teen daughter

[nichmom]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? TX
Last year my 14 year old daughter began seeing a 17 year old boy. Although I thought he was too old for her I allowed her to see him at our house only, he was not allowed to pick her up and go anywhere alone with him. (I figured it wouldn't last very long as most teenage romances don't.) To try and shorten this story she snuck around and found ways to have him pick her up anyway, things got awful, he graduated, joined the military, the relationship ended. I recently discovered that he (now 18) has been in contact with my daughter (now 15) again. (He will turn 19 in less than 2 months,and my daughter will turn 16 in 7 months- not quite 4 years apart in age) So far all they have done is talk on the phone and email each other but he will be here on leave in less than a month and I am scared to death of history repeating itself. She swears up and down they are "just friends" but I don't believe that, I know they were sexually active when they were together. My first question, is there anything I can do to stop this relationship even though he doesn't really live in our area anymore and will only be down here when he's on leave. (He's still in the same state.) Also after everything we went through last year part of me says just forget about it let her make her own mistakes and deal with the consequences. Which comes to my second question, since I know they are in contact, if I choose to ignore it am I responsible for some type of child abuse for not protecting my child from this "man"? Please help me, I'm so confused.

 

[jpritchett81]

Why would you want to give up on her? She's 16 for crying out loud!! She's not an adult yet.......you need to get more involved in her life. Otherwise, she'll encounter emotional issues, possible teen pregnancy, std's, drug use and the list goes on. Morally you should want to be there for your child.

When I was a teen my mother was the same way with me.....very nonchalant about my activities. Please don't give up on her.............

 

[stealth2]

Also after everything we went through last year part of me says just forget about it let her make her own mistakes and deal with the consequences.

You're joking, right? The relationship is no more appropriate when she's 16 than it was when she was 14. Which of you is the parent?

 

[OhBullship]

I agree with the other posters. Your child needs you. Is it possible, since you appear unconcerned, that she is looking for limits?

I do not know if it would be considered child abuse, but I hope it is. You KNOW your child is doing things she should not, and you are on the internet looking for sympathyt for an easy way out of your obligation to her. If it is not considered abuse legally, it is abuse in my estimation.

 

[nichmom]

Please understand, that I was venting about a difficult situation, I would NEVER give up on my daughter, I lover her more than anything in this world. I just didn't know what my options were since there has not been any physical contact just phone/email contact but I'm sure that will change when he's here in November. I have no doubt that he will seek her out as soon as he arrives. The only place he will be able to see her will be at school because I will never allow anything else. I've even thought about visiting the principal and see if it was possible for him to deny him as a visitor to the school. However, that would not stop him from pulling up to the school during my daughters lunch hour and her running out to meet him. The high school is a closed campus but this is what I caught them doing last year. This man has a way of making her do things that she knows is not right. Even thought I have called him and warned him that if he comes anywhere near my daughter or tries to take her anywere alone that I would take him down, I would contact his parents, the police, the military whatever it took.
Maybe its dumb, but my fear is that my daughter will hate me. Howver, everyone is right, I am the parent, I make the decisions, not her.

 

[djohnson]

You have to put trust in the morals and values that you have installed in her up to this point. You can't teach them now. Because he is military you have more options than others may. Make it clear you will contact his 1st Sgt. Find that number (most posts offer a post locator that will tell you that information). To give you hope, I always dated older guys. When I was 15 I was dating a 23 year old. We dated for a couple of years. Thrilled or not, My mom gave me the same rules and limits and didn't hold it against us because of the age. I'm now mid thirties, my husband is 7 years older than me. We have three kids and a wonderful life. I wouldn't change a thing, but then again a lot is all in how it is handled. The more you refuse to let her see him, the more she is going to want to. She has already showed you she will find away. Try talking to her as a friend instead of a parent and try to find a reasonable solution. If you treat her like an adult, chances are she is going to act more like one.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

The sexual contact is an offense and more than just being friends. I suggest you get a restraining order, notify JAG. Then you will have the bases covered and both of them will know you mean business.

 

[OHNnurse]

Tell him, not your daughter, that you will contact his sgt. and let him know what he is doing. The military will not look kindly on this. Tell him to stay away from your daughter. Yes she will probably get mad but she will get over it and probably thank you some day. You cannot treat her as a friend you are the parent and must act like the parent. She is not an adult and is really to young to make adult decisions. Tell her that she cannot see this man without you present and if she does you will contact his sgt. and he will get in a lot of trouble. This may be enough to keep her from sneaking and seeing him. She probably will not want to get him in trouble with the military. You are going to have to put strict rules on her and punish her when she breaks them. Do this now while she is still young. Good luck!