Mom needs help

[Momto4girls]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina
My husband and i split up in may of 2008 and i moved to NM. I met someone and ended up pregnant with the other persons child in May of 2009. I am currently 30 wks pregnant with this child. I recently moved back to South Carolina (where i am from) in Oct 2009. The biologoical father moved here with me and then decided to move to Iowa and leave us. the only time he contacts me is if i initate it. He refuses to be in the state when she is born. My husband and I are now working things out and doing very well and are back together. Our divorce was never complete and we are not going to complete it. The biological father is now trying to tell me that he wants to take custody of her. I have never tried to keep him from being apart of the pregnancy and have no intentions to keep him away from her when she arrives. I have never asked for anything (child support and such) but i do think it is important that she know her real father. I have 3 other daughters that are my husbands and my husband is more than happy to have this one coming. I do know that i cannot put the real father down on the BC due to south carolina laws but now i need to know if i am goingto be looking at a hard fight or not. Can he really take me to court and take her away? I want her raised with her sisters but i also want her to know him and i do not want to fight with him.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina
My husband and i split up in may of 2008 and i moved to NM. I met someone and ended up pregnant with the other persons child in May of 2009. I am currently 30 wks pregnant with this child. I recently moved back to South Carolina (where i am from) in Oct 2009. The biologoical father moved here with me and then decided to move to Iowa and leave us. the only time he contacts me is if i initate it. He refuses to be in the state when she is born. My husband and I are now working things out and doing very well and are back together. Our divorce was never complete and we are not going to complete it. The biological father is now trying to tell me that he wants to take custody of her. I have never tried to keep him from being apart of the pregnancy and have no intentions to keep him away from her when she arrives. I have never asked for anything (child support and such) but i do think it is important that she know her real father. I have 3 other daughters that are my husbands and my husband is more than happy to have this one coming. I do know that i cannot put the real father down on the BC due to south carolina laws but now i need to know if i am goingto be looking at a hard fight or not. Can he really take me to court and take her away? I want her raised with her sisters but i also want her to know him and i do not want to fight with him.

by law, the child you are pregnant with, is the child of your husband's once the child was born.

your ex boyfriend, has no child. legally, at this point.

once the child is born, the ex boyfriend is well within his right to establish paternity of the child.

however, at this point, he cannot "take" the child anywhere. he will be granted visitation. possibly an introduction period, then eventually take the child to his state for long distance parenting visitation schedule.

 

[Ohiogal]

by law, the child you are pregnant with, is the child of your husband's once the child was born.

your ex boyfriend, has no child. legally, at this point.

once the child is born, the ex boyfriend is well within his right to establish paternity of the child.

however, at this point, he cannot "take" the child anywhere. he will be granted visitation. possibly an introduction period, then eventually take the child to his state for long distance parenting visitation schedule.

Boyfriend can also get joint custody of the child -- not just visitation. He can't take the child anywhere as the child is not born. He will be able to take the child if mom lets him OR when he gets a court order.

 

[Momto4girls]

I appreciate the advice you guys have given. I am worried about him taking her there just because he lives with his sister who is under investagations because of her son. I am hoping that we can get it so that she will be older when he does take her up there or him agreeing to me taking her up there to visit. I dont by any means want this to get nasty or bad for my child and she has every right to know his side of the family. However, i am not sure about the joint custody laws in this state. I know that some states will not let there be joint custody unless the parents live in the same county. Is it really possible for him to get joint custody in the state of SC when he lives in IA? And from what i understand the state of IA cannot do anything about the case because the child will be legal resident of SC.

 

[cyjeff]

As has been said often, the time to assess the father's ability to parent was BEFORE you decided to do the mambo.

Yet, here we are.

Unless HE is unfit, he will be getting some sort of visitation if he establishes paternity and files for it.

 

[Momto4girls]

I am not questioning his parenting ability...i am questioning the fact that he will be taking my daughter around someone who is under investagation for not taking care of her child. I have 3 older children so you are not talking to someone that has never been thru being a parent. Thats not to say i wont worry about her while she is there. For he has no experience with babies or small children but that comes with the territory of being a mother that loves her children deeply. So before you conclude anything make sure you understand what is being said. All I want to do is make sure that he cannot take my baby away from me. I do not wish to keep him away from her and do wish that we could settle this on our own but he wnats to take it to the next step and fight for her. She has every right to know both sides of her family and know that no matter what both sides love her very much.

 

[cyjeff]

I am not questioning his parenting ability...i am questioning the fact that he will be taking my daughter around someone who is under investagation for not taking care of her child. I have 3 older children so you are not talking to someone that has never been thru being a parent. Thats not to say i wont worry about her while she is there. For he has no experience with babies or small children but that comes with the territory of being a mother that loves her children deeply. So before you conclude anything make sure you understand what is being said. All I want to do is make sure that he cannot take my baby away from me. I do not wish to keep him away from her and do wish that we could settle this on our own but he wnats to take it to the next step and fight for her. She has every right to know both sides of her family and know that no matter what both sides love her very much.

If he goes through the process outlined above, you cannot prevent him from whatever visitation the court orders.

I doubt he will "take her from you" but visitation is, again, not out of the question.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

As you've been told, he would have to file AFTER the child is born to disestablish your husband as daddy and himself as daddy. Because he's not been there for the day-to-day upbringing of this child, he'll be most likely given a graduated parenting schedule for infants. You have status quo on your side. He would have to find you an unfit parent to "take" custody from you. Remember that the wheels of justice can move quite slowly.

 

[CJane]

I'd like to suggest that you consult with a local family law attorney prior to the child's birth, if possible.

I can't find a provision in SC law for disestablishment of paternity in this situation. In some states, if the mother is married and remains married (as is this poster's plan) then the potential biological father cannot ever file to assert his rights, as that can only be done during a divorce case.