Mom's in hospital, Uncooperative sibling using his healthcare proxy authority

[NeonMoon]

Mom's legal address is in NY, in hospital/rehab in NJ

Mom is in the hospital with mild covid (89 y/o) / Hospital delirium has set in. My brother has health care proxy and I am the alternate. He has made all of the decision without consulting with me and this is not what my mother wants. He is supposed to consult with me on all decisions. He is taking full advantage and not keeping me in the loop with any decisions. Is there anything I can do legally. Can I get a court order to reverse this. My brother is making stuff up telling everyone she has dementia when she hasn't even been medically evaluated by her PCP. I am seriously concerned about my mother and her well being and the outcome of this. I almost feel like he is trying to get her put into a home.

 

[LdiJ]

Mom's legal address is in NY, in hospital/rehab in NJ

Mom is in the hospital with mild covid (89 y/o) / Hospital delirium has set in. My brother has health care proxy and I am the alternate. He has made all of the decision without consulting with me and this is not what my mother wants. He is supposed to consult with me on all decisions. He is taking full advantage and not keeping me in the loop with any decisions. Is there anything I can do legally. Can I get a court order to reverse this. My brother is making stuff up telling everyone she has dementia when she hasn't even been medically evaluated by her PCP. I am seriously concerned about my mother and her well being and the outcome of this. I almost feel like he is trying to get her put into a home.

Where are you located at this time? Have you seen your mother recently? Have you seen her since she has been in the hospital?

 

[NeonMoon]

Where are you located at this time? Have you seen your mother recently? Have you seen her since she has been in the hospital?

Yes, I have seen her 3x this week already, she was admitted on Sunday. She is being transferred to rehab today

 

[Zigner]

Does the health care proxy require him to consult with you?

 

[commentator]

She is 89. Dementia is a possibility. I am going to hazard a guess she wanted to go home instead of to a rehab facility. You can bet on it, dementia or not, that's going to be the thing she "wishes." Believe me, if her medical team did not think she needed to be in more care, he would not be able to put her "in a home." So you go out and hire an attorney. You sue to take over medical power of attorney. This will cost you. This is not something they do for free. It will be a while before any case can be heard. You and your brother are in armed warfare.

In the meantime, your mother is evaluated by her primary care doctor and determined to have dementia. Now what? Her health declines further. Or you are not given the power of attorney. They think your brother was doing an okay job. Your mother, in the meantime, has passed away. What have you accomplished? You've spent money, created a lot of trouble, and concentrated on something besides caring for your mother and making her days pleasant. I suspect that your mother, in her right mind, is someone who tries to go along with both of you, you when you are there, him when he is there. In checking your past posts, it appears that she has cooperated with him a lot in the past.

Reality here. It is probably going to be impossible for your mother to be at home much longer. There is not much chance of her improving from her "hospital delerium" to a large extent. There have been many people pushed over the functional/non-functional border by even a brief stay in the hospital. Are you going to move your mother in with you? Are you going to move in with her? It sounds like, at least for now, this is the type of care she needs.

 

[zddoodah]

My brother has health care proxy and I am the alternate. He has made all of the decision without consulting with me and this is not what my mother wants.

The part I highlighted appears to contradict the first part of this sentence. If the POA designated your brother as the proxy, then your mother wanted him (at the time of execution of the POA) to make the decisions. If she wanted him to have to consult with you, then she'd have put such a requirement into the POA. If she changed her mind subsequent to the execution of the POA and failed to change the POA to reflect her changed desire, then that's unfortunate but not legally relevant. Your status as alternate proxy is also legally irrelevant.

He is supposed to consult with me on all decisions.

Says who? Does the POA require consultation?

Is there anything I can do legally.

You are free to petition the court for a conservatorship/adult guardianship. However, the existence of the POA will likely doom your efforts. Nevertheless, feel free to consult with a local attorney who handles elder law matters.

My brother is making stuff up telling everyone she has dementia when she hasn't even been medically evaluated by her PCP.

"Everyone"? That's obviously not true, so whom exactly are you referring to?

I almost feel like he is trying to get her put into a home.

Ok...and? She's certainly of an age where being in "a home" is hardly unreasonable.

 

[stealth2]

Ditto @commentator 's response. There is truth in every word (from experience).

My brother is making stuff up telling everyone she has dementia when she hasn't even been medically evaluated by her PCP.

This, in particular, tingled a few neck hairs... Prior to her hospitalization. how frequently would you see Mom? How about your brother (seeing Mom, not you two seeing one another)? Your brother may be seeing behaviors that you don't - and that could be regardless of how much time either of you spend with Mom. I know that my Mom (dx'd with dementia) could behave differently depending on which of us she was with. And, too... dx'd or not... it's sometimes hard to accept the reality, and one turns a blind eye.

Think long and hard before starting a fight that won't end gently.

 

[stealth2]

You are free to petition the court for a conservatorship/adult guardianship.

Be aware that this is neither a simple nor inexpensive process.