mother is abusing child

[rogerv]

What is the name of your state? california
The mother of my daughter continually tells my daughter that I do not love her, that I am a drunk and abusive. She is also punishing my daughter for talking to a CPS worker. Tells my daughter that she is not allowed to refer to my mother as grandma because that is not her grandmother. Has told my daughter that she is crazy like her father and both of us need help. Besides counseling is there anything that can be done to fix this problem. I am currently trying to obtain custody of my daughter but it seems the courts are not helping because they do not want to remove the child from the mother and it seems that they do not want to allow my daughter to testify against her mother.
Any suggestions that would help I would be grateful for.

 

[Zephyr]

does your child have a guardian ad litem?

 

[stealth2]

they do not want to allow my daughter to testify against her mother.

How old is the child? And what proof do you have (except what you hear from your child) of what Mom says?

 

[ceara19]

Just curious, are you an abusive drunk? Not that it would make it OK for mom to tell the child even if it IS true.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What are the terms of your custody and visitation.
How old is the child.
Tell us more about this CPS business?
have you petitioned the court for a GAL?
Mediation?
Do you have an attorney?
WHat are the terms of your parenting agrement re disparaging remarks re the other parent?
What county are you in? Is this the same as where the child lives?

 

[rogerv]

There is no appointed GAL nor have I requested one. I have been seeking an attorny but am having trouble finding one that I can afford. We did go through mediation but the mother made more false allegations against me with no proof and the courts believed it. CPS was called on the mother because of the living conditions and when I would bring my daughter home from visitation the mother would be drunk and I would have to bring my daughter back home with me. I reside in San Diego and so does the child who is 8, no I do not drink.

 

[CJane]

CPS was called on the mother because of the living conditions and when I would bring my daughter home from visitation the mother would be drunk and I would have to bring my daughter back home with me. I reside in San Diego and so does the child who is 8, no I do not drink.

The bolded part might be a problem for you.

 

[Ohiogal]

There is no appointed GAL nor have I requested one. I have been seeking an attorny but am having trouble finding one that I can afford. We did go through mediation but the mother made more false allegations against me with no proof and the courts believed it. CPS was called on the mother because of the living conditions and when I would bring my daughter home from visitation the mother would be drunk and I would have to bring my daughter back home with me. I reside in San Diego and so does the child who is 8, no I do not drink.

You need to request one be appointed then. If you are that worried about your child then you need to come up with the money to do something about it. Who called CPS? If CPS is called during an ongoing custody battle it looks bad. abuse is a very easy thing to bring up as a "reason" during contested custody of why one parent doesn't deserve custody.
You need proof and the words of your child are NOT enough.

 

[casa]

There is no appointed GAL nor have I requested one. I have been seeking an attorny but am having trouble finding one that I can afford. We did go through mediation but the mother made more false allegations against me with no proof and the courts believed it. CPS was called on the mother because of the living conditions and when I would bring my daughter home from visitation the mother would be drunk and I would have to bring my daughter back home with me. I reside in San Diego and so does the child who is 8, no I do not drink.

San Diego County mediators cannot consider any allegations w/out evidence or documentation- and are privy to the entire court file...So how is it the mother made false allegations & FCS 'believed it'? What did the Mediator's recommendation state re; custody/visitation? Do you have a hearing coming up?

You can challenge the mediator's recommendation...but this is something you definately need an attorney to do competently. If issues of drug or alcohol abuse are brought up, it's fairly typical for the mediator to write in their recommendations that neither parent should consume alcohol in the presence of the child or within 12 hours of their Parenting Time...without challenging the recommendation- it's highly likely the judge would adopt the recommendation as part of the court's order.

What was CPS's finding? Did you, or a 3rd party contact CPS?

If you ever return the child & mother is drunk~ You need to contact law enforcement & ask that they file a report...THEN you will have evidence/documentation of Mom's drinking problem.

Courts in Southern California DO NOT like to have children 'testify'. You can request a GAL or CASA or Minor's Attorney be appointed to the child. These professionals will see & speak with your child to determine what the actual living conditions are like....and the court will put more weight on their opinions.

Aside from requesting a GAL etc., & hiring an attorney~ What is your legal custody? Counseling for the child might be in order if you can get consent from Mom...this would be another 'professional' who's opinion would weigh in court.

 

[rogerv]

I discovered that not only did I contact CPS but there were 2 other calls made by someone other than myself. CPS discussed with me that when they have tried to contact the mother is takes anywhere from 2-3 days for her to respond. As for mediation she claimed that I have held her hostage one night and that I tried to run her over with my vehicle and that I hit her. Yet there are no police reports nor was I ever arrested. Somehow the mediator bought these alligations and put it in the report. The last situation was when I returned my daughter home she called the police after I left and claimed that I tried to rape her. Now I have a restraining order and my visitation was altered and the police found no evidence to arrest me and I was not even notified of this until 5 days before the court date. So now I have even new matters to deal with. How do I make this stop?