Mother's rights

[bamagirl5]

What is the name of your state? Alabama
My ex-husband is currently trying to get custody of our son who is 15 now. In the past he has never actively participated in anything in his life. He never even came around much until this year. We have always had joint custody with me having physical custody but he has never exercised any of his rights until this year. Now he constantly talks to my son saying he wants him to come live with him. My son even says at times he wants to go and then when he doesn't see his dad for a couple of days he changes his mind. My ex-husband even got a lawyer and told a bunch of lies and got temporary physical custody. We had to go to court and now I am waiting to hear what the judge decides. I am going crazy with worry. I have always been there to raise him, take care of him, etc. And his dad has not. We also have a 16 yr old daughter but he does not fight for her at all and she doesn't want to go. I don't want the kids seperated! Our son is an A-B student until lately and even quit participating in sports. I have allowed extra visitation with his dad lately because he was showing an interest in his life and it seemed to mean a lot to our son. Now he seems confused and withdrawn. Any advice?

 

[BL]

What were the allegations that awarded him Temp. physical custody ?

 

[sirxamiel]

What is the name of your state? Alabama
My ex-husband is currently trying to get custody of our son who is 15 now. In the past he has never actively participated in anything in his life. He never even came around much until this year. We have always had joint custody with me having physical custody but he has never exercised any of his rights until this year. Now he constantly talks to my son saying he wants him to come live with him. My son even says at times he wants to go and then when he doesn't see his dad for a couple of days he changes his mind. My ex-husband even got a lawyer and told a bunch of lies and got temporary physical custody. We had to go to court and now I am waiting to hear what the judge decides. I am going crazy with worry. I have always been there to raise him, take care of him, etc. And his dad has not. We also have a 16 yr old daughter but he does not fight for her at all and she doesn't want to go. I don't want the kids seperated! Our son is an A-B student until lately and even quit participating in sports. I have allowed extra visitation with his dad lately because he was showing an interest in his life and it seemed to mean a lot to our son. Now he seems confused and withdrawn. Any advice?

I would encourage the new relationship at this point. You said the son is excited of the relationship. The reason he feels discouraged and dissappointed could be because he sees you not happy that him and the father are trying to establish a relationship. That could be why he has mentioned he wants to go live with his father. What you need to do is stand back and let them build a relationship. You need to also let the father know that you want them two to have a relationship together. Let him know you forgive him for the bad in the past, and that you want him to know his son. I promise you, that if you show kindness and encouragement to both of them, the father will be nice to you. Also, if this goes to court, the son is of legal age to decide where he wants to go, and he could decide to go live with his father. And that will hurt you more than it would if you just stand back and let them be together. Typically, your not going to lose your sons love, but you need to allow your son to love his father. Besides, a boy who is 15 is turning into a man, and he needs a man to look up to. What better person to look up to than his father.

 

[stealth2]

I promise you, that if you show kindness and encouragement to both of them, the father will be nice to you.

Well, it doesn't always work that way. Some people are simply nasty and vindictive. I was married to one - once you get on their sh*t list, you're there for good.

Also, if this goes to court, the son is of legal age to decide where he wants to go, and he could decide to go live with his father.

NO! Only one state allows a child to decide where s/he wants to live - and that is Georgia at 14. In all other states, a child MAY be permitted to express their desire, but it is a JUDGE that decides.

 

[sirxamiel]

Well, it doesn't always work that way. Some people are simply nasty and vindictive. I was married to one - once you get on their sh*t list, you're there for good.




NO! Only one state allows a child to decide where s/he wants to live - and that is Georgia at 14. In all other states, a child MAY be permitted to express their desire, but it is a JUDGE that decides.

True there stealth. I meant usually. Yes there are people who are simply nasty. But kindness kills the bitter beast. And you are right, a judge ALWAYS makes the final decision. But a judge will usually take into consideration what a 15 year old wants to do then he would a 7 or 8 year old. It could work either way. But just remember, dont play into his game if he wants to be nasty to you. But reassure the child that you want him to have a relationship. You dont want to show the child you are against it, as you may wind up turning the child against you.

 

[casa]

Well, it doesn't always work that way. Some people are simply nasty and vindictive. I was married to one - once you get on their sh*t list, you're there for good..

That's for sure (Says the person going through year #4 of harrassment via the child and endless court hearings and professionals)

They say you catch more bees with honey~ But sometimes only smoke can keep 'em away!