Move away supervised visitation

[Sara Abrams]

Ex husband and I have joint legal, joint physical custody. But: He has had supervised visitation for almost a year due to methamphetamine addiction. We signed stipulation last year that if he could test negative he could gradually regain unsupervised visitation, but he has failed to do so. In the past year he has failed to support (8 full months of no child support or alimony). He also failed to show up for visitation for 5 straight months. Since those 5 months his visits have been sporadic, mostly one week on, one week off, and his support has been much less than he is court-ordered to pay. I'm working two jobs- at one point I was working three, but felt it was getting in the way of my relationship with my children. I am in school for nursing and am thinking about attending a nursing program several states away, as I have family there and the cost of living is much more affordable. I keep hearing that my case is an easy win- that no judge would say no to this, as he has not shown any interest in rehabilitation, and I have been providing and caring for the children on my own for nearly a year. But I'm so jaded. I fought 3 years to prove to the court that he was a danger to the kids, and it literally took something really horrible to finally get them to believe me. Any advice appreciated.

 

[Ohiogal]

How are you going to facilitate dads visitation?

 

[LdiJ]

Ex husband and I have joint legal, joint physical custody. But: He has had supervised visitation for almost a year due to methamphetamine addiction. We signed stipulation last year that if he could test negative he could gradually regain unsupervised visitation, but he has failed to do so. In the past year he has failed to support (8 full months of no child support or alimony). He also failed to show up for visitation for 5 straight months. Since those 5 months his visits have been sporadic, mostly one week on, one week off, and his support has been much less than he is court-ordered to pay. I'm working two jobs- at one point I was working three, but felt it was getting in the way of my relationship with my children. I am in school for nursing and am thinking about attending a nursing program several states away, as I have family there and the cost of living is much more affordable. I keep hearing that my case is an easy win- that no judge would say no to this, as he has not shown any interest in rehabilitation, and I have been providing and caring for the children on my own for nearly a year. But I'm so jaded. I fought 3 years to prove to the court that he was a danger to the kids, and it literally took something really horrible to finally get them to believe me. Any advice appreciated.

You need permission from the courts to relocate the children to another state, AND you need to expect that as part of that relocation that your ex will be given either unsupervised visitation (due to long distance) or visitation supervised by his own family members. You also need to be prepared to be ordered to be pay for all of the expenses of getting your children back and forth for their dad's visitation.

If you can live with the above, then you would have a shot at getting permission to relocate the children.

 

[Just Blue]

Ex husband and I have joint legal, joint physical custody. But: He has had supervised visitation for almost a year due to methamphetamine addiction. We signed stipulation last year that if he could test negative he could gradually regain unsupervised visitation, but he has failed to do so. In the past year he has failed to support (8 full months of no child support or alimony). He also failed to show up for visitation for 5 straight months. Since those 5 months his visits have been sporadic, mostly one week on, one week off, and his support has been much less than he is court-ordered to pay. I'm working two jobs- at one point I was working three, but felt it was getting in the way of my relationship with my children. I am in school for nursing and am thinking about attending a nursing program several states away, as I have family there and the cost of living is much more affordable. I keep hearing that my case is an easy win- that no judge would say no to this, as he has not shown any interest in rehabilitation, and I have been providing and caring for the children on my own for nearly a year. But I'm so jaded. I fought 3 years to prove to the court that he was a danger to the kids, and it literally took something really horrible to finally get them to believe me. Any advice appreciated.

What state are you in and where are you moving to?

 

[Just Blue]

Px Hx.

 

[stealth2]

#1. What happened with your contempt hearing?

#2. Given your unhappiness from your other thread:

I'm a strong woman and a good mother. And I don't frequent boards to kick people when they're down. I got very little advice on here, and the only attorney who chimed in was wholly unfamiliar with CA law. Good grief, if this is how you treat people who've committed such a minor infraction as I did, I can only imagine how you are to people who've made much bigger mistakes. You are sad people.

Why would you return for further advice?

 

[Sara Abrams]

How did my contempt hearing go? He dismissed it. BECAUSE IT WAS BASED ON ILLEGALLY OBTAINED EVIDENCE. I would have torn him to shreds. How will I facilitate visits? How about I volunteer to pay for his gas money to drive 3 states away. Why the F should I pay for a plane ticket? Especially when he owes me over $8,000 in child support?

 

[stealth2]

How did my contempt hearing go? He dismissed it. BECAUSE IT WAS BASED ON ILLEGALLY OBTAINED EVIDENCE. I would have torn him to shreds. How will I facilitate visits? How about I volunteer to pay for his gas money to drive 3 states away. Why the F should I pay for a plane ticket? Especially when he owes me over $8,000 in child support?

I asked about the contempt hearing because that result could be indicative of how your relocation could go. Regardless, you should still expect to cover the costs for Dad's parenting time because you are creating the burden. Whether gas money and hotel are adequate vs airfare will be up to the judge. Your attorney should be able to advise you in that regard. I do suggest you consult with your lawyer. Best of luck to your children.

 

[not2cleverRed]

How did my contempt hearing go? He dismissed it. BECAUSE IT WAS BASED ON ILLEGALLY OBTAINED EVIDENCE. I would have torn him to shreds. How will I facilitate visits? How about I volunteer to pay for his gas money to drive 3 states away. Why the F should I pay for a plane ticket? Especially when he owes me over $8,000 in child support?

*Sigh*.

I am sympathetic to your plight - having a difficult ex is bad, having a difficult drug addict ex has to be worse - but you seriously need to dial it down a notch.

1) You need to show that the move is in the best interest of the children.

2) You need to show that you will do what you can to cultivate a positive relationship between the kids and Dad.

What you need to avoid: connecting the child support arrears with kid's access to Dad. It is one thing to admit that you are financially struggling, and lack a support network where you are, but you can't come across as wanting to deny Dad parenting time because of the child support arrears.

What you need to show: that you can and will facilitate as much parenting time for the kids with Dad as they are currently getting. Dad needs to be inconvenienced as little as possible in exercising his parenting time . This means that no, gas money for the drug addict (who probably drives while impaired) is not a reasonable option. None of us know the full "awfulness" of whatever happened to get supervised visitation ordered, but I suspect that you want to do whatever is possible to keep those visitations supervised while Dad is still using.

If you have documented how regularly Dad has been exercising visitation, perhaps you can use that pattern to propose that you and the kids fly out for supervised visitation, and that should Dad be a no show with no advanced notice and no good reason, he has to reimburse you. You know he'll skip. You know he won't reimburse you. So when he does, file for contempt. Eventually, he'll be on the hook for all visitation costs.

Or Dad could surprise you and stop using. Which would be a relief, and hopefully easier to coparent with.

 

[TigerD]

How did my contempt hearing go? He dismissed it. BECAUSE IT WAS BASED ON ILLEGALLY OBTAINED EVIDENCE. I would have torn him to shreds. How will I facilitate visits? How about I volunteer to pay for his gas money to drive 3 states away. Why the F should I pay for a plane ticket? Especially when he owes me over $8,000 in child support?

You realize that your demeanor on this site reduces the likelihood that people will be willing to contribute their knowledge and valuable time too you.

TD

 

[stealth2]

You should also be aware that, as long as Dad remains in CA, CA will likely retain jurisdiction.

 

[Sara Abrams]

*Sigh*.

I am sympathetic to your plight - having a difficult ex is bad, having a difficult drug addict ex has to be worse - but you seriously need to dial it down a notch.

1) You need to show that the move is in the best interest of the children.

2) You need to show that you will do what you can to cultivate a positive relationship between the kids and Dad.

What you need to avoid: connecting the child support arrears with kid's access to Dad. It is one thing to admit that you are financially struggling, and lack a support network where you are, but you can't come across as wanting to deny Dad parenting time because of the child support arrears.

What you need to show: that you can and will facilitate as much parenting time for the kids with Dad as they are currently getting. Dad needs to be inconvenienced as little as possible in exercising his parenting time . This means that no, gas money for the drug addict (who probably drives while impaired) is not a reasonable option. None of us know the full "awfulness" of whatever happened to get supervised visitation ordered, but I suspect that you want to do whatever is possible to keep those visitations supervised while Dad is still using.

If you have documented how regularly Dad has been exercising visitation, perhaps you can use that pattern to propose that you and the kids fly out for supervised visitation, and that should Dad be a no show with no advanced notice and no good reason, he has to reimburse you. You know he'll skip. You know he won't reimburse you. So when he does, file for contempt. Eventually, he'll be on the hook for all visitation costs.

Or Dad could surprise you and stop using. Which would be a relief, and hopefully easier to coparent with.

Thank you!