Moving 1400 miles in 30 days

[JuanitaWanita]

live in New Mexico: have physical custody for 7 years now, 3 kids. Gave 30 days notice to their Mom. She is upset and things are bad. Her character is horrible but she loves the kids. What else do I need to do to move? She has not ever worked. she gave 35 dollars in 7 years to the kids, she is on crack. She lives in a crack house but kids visit her at her Mom's. We are DEFINITELY better parents and that is no problem. We are willing to pay her fare to come visit etc none of that is a problem but what is our next step after we have notified her so we wont be detained?

 

[morning_angel]

If you have notified the mother that you will be moving (hopefully by a certified letter?), and your divorce does not specify that you <i>cannot</i> move, then you have done all you need to do. She is, of course, within her rights to seek an order from the court to stop you. You would then be required to show why it is in the best interest of the children to move with you.

The court could, at their discretion, allow you to move ONLY if you turn the children over to her (don't know how likely that is if she is living in a crack house.) Be cautious about the grandmother getting involved, since she has had regular visitation with the children, she may push her daughter to stop your move to avoid losing it.

 

[JuanitaWanita]

thanks. we sent certified and grandma is no real problem. Also we offered plane fare for her to fly. she has never flown and "never will." We offered car rental expenses. "ain't got no driver's license." We pay the grandma $300 mo for the kids for the summer visitation at her house in the projects where kids are not supposed to live with her. But then neither is her son who just got out of prison and his son. our kids eat at park across the street at free breakfast/lunch program. We took all and I mean all of their clothes/toys to grandma's etc. Mom does not sleep there because her boyfriend hates the kids and is jealous. She is still on crack but she interacts great with the kids when she come over or is not on crack.

As a parent, I feel irresponsible for allowing the kids to go there but dont need problems from not obeying parent plan which she has never kept not even one element of. We support the kids TOTALLY.

My husband, is their dad. The Parenting Plan said they have joint custody, with my hubby physical custody. If we move out of this county, we must give 30 days notice (she moved for 2 years and we did not know where she was, nor did she call but 6 times. " I did not have a phone, and the phone cards are rip offs.")

No Christmas, no birthdays, no activities, no school visits. Zilch. We did not complain. Now we want to move away from these things that have been the NORM for 7 years:

bought grandma a tv so kids wont get bored when there, plus, cable and a phone

bought $400 worth of food because grandma was completely out. She gets $550 a month Social Security, plus our $300 and feeds 5 beside our 3

bought swim pass for $150 so kids would have something to do

bought Mom's sister bus ticket to come here, so she would not take kids and Mom to her crack house in another town

bought every birthday, christmas etc every year for Mom to look good to the kids, plus, the same at our house

gave Mom a 1995 Dodge van to transport kids. She sold it.
gave Mom daily free tutoring for 6 months for her GED. She failed twice and quit.
and the list goes on and on

Sorry to dump but I am TIRED. Dont tell me we are stupid, if we did not do these things, who gets hurt?

 

[Ambr]

she might fight harder than you think to keep you from moving. it sounds as if all the free rides for her family will be gone when you leave.

 

[morning_angel]

Well, if you're still worried about how the mother can come visit the kids if you move, offer her a bus ticket to come see the kids if she cannot/will not drive or fly.

As for everything you've paid for, I wouldn't call you stupid, you are looking out for the welfare of the children while they are visiting their "other family." I would draw the line at buying them presents in the other parent's name, though. First off, it will give them a warped view of the other parent (you want them yelling that they want to go live with her when they are teenagers because you won't let them do whatever they want and she will??) Second off, you can't buy love. If their mother loves them as you say, the fact that she doesn't give them the same things that you can will not matter to the children. But that is your business, not mine.

Good Luck!

 

[MySonsMom]

You have certainly went "above and beyond". Your advice has been accurate. You have done your part, now if the Mother wants to fight the move it is up to her to make some sort of an effort.

I applaud your efforts, but I think it's time to move on with your lives and stop making life so peachy for this Mother whom makes very poor choices.

Good luck!

 

[JuanitaWanita]

just called our attorney who handled the case: we have physical custody and can move. We just had to give 30 days notice and it did not have to be certified but a good idea. Also the idea for bus ticket is GREAT as far as we are concerned. " I might not know where to get off." and "Where will I live if I come to visit?"

Our attorney advised to file with the court and get the order localized when we get to the new area. We can renegotiate visitations BUT we are willing and really open for her to see the kids and we are willing o along with anything, as long as initiated by her, we will just go and get the kids. That way, it is HER ball. Sadly, no one really wins!
The Mother has $0 money, and has never worked in her life. Her boyfriend hates the kids, is an abuser/alcoholic and although he works, he quits a lot. My honey works Civil Service and is an workaholic. Our income will be reduced to $4500 a month when we move but he will get another position. All we want is for the kids to grow up safe and happy and go to college one day and be productive adults.


My deepest, deepest fear is that the Mother who has tried suicide twice will take them out with her or herself. She threatens suicide a lot anyway to get her way. Her Mother is genuinely sad about the kids leaving. But Grandma has 6 daughters and all, I repeat ALL have lost kids via the cours with rights severed and not one time was Grandma considered as a permanent placeemnt. i never thought of this but none of her girls have ever worked, and all but one are dopers and unmarried with abusive men. None finished 8th grade. Grandma went to 2nd. My husband just finished high school which was a vocational/trade school and I have a BA in business and have my own small business and net $4500 month. We own a house which we use strictly for a guest house. We live in a high 100,000 neighborhood but live not fancy, just comfortable or as the Mother says " like rich white people. " We are Chicanos. She is Black. It is honestly not about money, or race, it is about the well being of 3 precious kids.

Thanks to you all for "listening." We have a house to sell, and we have to find another one, so you all take care.

 

[morning_angel]

Also the idea for bus ticket is GREAT as far as we are concerned. " I might not know where to get off." and "Where will I live if I come to visit?"

Umm...Juanita...try REALLY HARD not to tell her where to "get off"!!! LMAO

Seriously though, sounds as though she just wants to make excuses as to why she can't come. Her loss. If she starts with the excuses, tell her that you've offered her a bus ticket and the opportunity to see the children. The rest is up to her. You can't solve all her problems.

Good Luck!