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Multiple violations of visitation

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HarleyLove81

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

First the details:
Custody order currently on file states that the father shall have the three kids every other weekend, Friday after school, or at 4:00 when not in school, until Sunday at 3:00. He shall also have the day before any holiday and the children's birthdays from 4:00pm to 8:00pm.
Kids are to be delivered and picked up at the grandfather's (father's dad) house by the mother. (This was due to the father's lacking driver's licence and him not having a permanent place of his own at the time of the order [over a year ago].)

Yep, it's that short and sweet.

In August the father established a permanent residence in a family friendly home and has access to alternate transportation.

The problem is that the mother has not provided the children on the father weekends since June except once in July and on Thanksgiving weekend. Of these we (me, the new wife, and the father) have filled out a police report with the local officer on six of the last seven father weekends. As the children and their mother reside in another town, our local officers cannot go directly to their house. On Christmas eve, she brought them late to the grandfather's house and threatened to pick them up early as they were actually at the father's residence not the grandfather's house. A local officer was asked to review the court order and he agreed that there was nothing stating that they had to stay at the grandfather's residence and no violation was in progress. The mother also did not deliver them on New Year's Eve. Each of these were recorded with the local authorities.

The mother does not respond to text messages asking about the weekends. She does not answer phone calls. She frequently would use the 14-year old as a relay messenger, but now even the 14-year old is not answering calls or texts. We do not use the children as messengers as that is inappropriate.

As the order says the mother is to bring the children to and from the father's visitation, we are hesitant to go to their residence as that would in itself violate the order. Per the advice of the local authorities, we have [in writing] suggested to meet at the police station to leave the grandfather out of the drama. We have also offered to assist with the transportation.

We have requested time in front of the judge, but are at the mercy of the courts for a date. So, now we sit and wait - without the kids. This week we will miss a birthday. My husband is very upset about not spending time with his kids. We are not sure what else we can do other than wait and play the paper-pushing game.

Any advice would be appreciated.
 


Silverplum

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

First the details:
Custody order currently on file states that the father shall have the three kids every other weekend, Friday after school, or at 4:00 when not in school, until Sunday at 3:00. He shall also have the day before any holiday and the children's birthdays from 4:00pm to 8:00pm.
Kids are to be delivered and picked up at the grandfather's (father's dad) house by the mother. (This was due to the father's lacking driver's licence and him not having a permanent place of his own at the time of the order [over a year ago].)

Yep, it's that short and sweet.

In August the father established a permanent residence in a family friendly home and has access to alternate transportation.

The problem is that the mother has not provided the children on the father weekends since June except once in July and on Thanksgiving weekend. Of these we (me, the new wife, and the father) have filled out a police report with the local officer on six of the last seven father weekends. As the children and their mother reside in another town, our local officers cannot go directly to their house. On Christmas eve, she brought them late to the grandfather's house and threatened to pick them up early as they were actually at the father's residence not the grandfather's house. A local officer was asked to review the court order and he agreed that there was nothing stating that they had to stay at the grandfather's residence and no violation was in progress. The mother also did not deliver them on New Year's Eve. Each of these were recorded with the local authorities.

The mother does not respond to text messages asking about the weekends. She does not answer phone calls. She frequently would use the 14-year old as a relay messenger, but now even the 14-year old is not answering calls or texts. We do not use the children as messengers as that is inappropriate.

As the order says the mother is to bring the children to and from the father's visitation, we are hesitant to go to their residence as that would in itself violate the order. Per the advice of the local authorities, we have [in writing] suggested to meet at the police station to leave the grandfather out of the drama. We have also offered to assist with the transportation.

We have requested time in front of the judge, but are at the mercy of the courts for a date. So, now we sit and wait - without the kids. This week we will miss a birthday. My husband is very upset about not spending time with his kids. We are not sure what else we can do other than wait and play the paper-pushing game.

Any advice would be appreciated.
And I will be the first to tell you that, legally, there is no "WE" in this matter. You can be supportive, but do not insert yourself into his legal proceedings.

Nothing to do but wait for Dad's court date.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
If mutually agreed upon, how would picking the kids up for visitation violate the order? :rolleyes::rolleyes:
 

HarleyLove81

Junior Member
If mutually agreed upon, how would picking the kids up for visitation violate the order? :rolleyes::rolleyes:
We cannot get the mother to respond to requests or communications; therefore, there is no 'mutually agreed upon' variation from the "mother brings them to grandpa's" statement in the current custody order.
So if we show up at their house, it would cause a scene and she would undoubtedly call the cops on trespassing or something stupid. No one wants that in front of the kids. (Sadly, at least if we did cause a scene, it would show the kids we really do want them as the mother has been lying to them that the father does not - 11 & 13-year olds told us on Christmas Eve.)
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
We cannot get the mother to respond to requests or communications; therefore, there is no 'mutually agreed upon' variation from the "mother brings them to grandpa's" statement in the current custody order.
So if we show up at their house, it would cause a scene and she would undoubtedly call the cops on trespassing or something stupid. No one wants that in front of the kids. (Sadly, at least if we did cause a scene, it would show the kids we really do want them as the mother has been lying to them that the father does not - 11 & 13-year olds told us on Christmas Eve.)
There is no "we" - I don't blame mom at all since you seem to want to be so inserted in to this situation. Back off.
 

HarleyLove81

Junior Member
And I will be the first to tell you that, legally, there is no "WE" in this matter. You can be supportive, but do not insert yourself into his legal proceedings.

Nothing to do but wait for Dad's court date.
I completely understand that I have no legal standing in this matter. I have also been advised that I would not be the best to complete a written witness/recommendation statement to accompany the father into court as I am too close to the father and would be considered a bias witness.

But the father has a writing/comprehension deficiency which can be worsened by stress/nerves, so I am his scribe and have been allowed in legal proceedings to be his interpreter towards the judicial speech/terminology.
 

RRevak

Senior Member
I completely understand that I have no legal standing in this matter. I have also been advised that I would not be the best to complete a written witness/recommendation statement to accompany the father into court as I am too close to the father and would be considered a bias witness.

But the father has a writing/comprehension deficiency which can be worsened by stress/nerves, so I am his scribe and have been allowed in legal proceedings to be his interpreter towards the judicial speech/terminology.
The bolded is what people pay attorneys for. Time to get one.


To add: Actually, the entirety of this is what attorneys are paid for.
 

HarleyLove81

Junior Member
There is no "we" - I don't blame mom at all since you seem to want to be so inserted in to this situation. Back off.
I'm sorry I seems to have touched a nerve. Please see my response to Silverplum in regards to my involvement.

The father's battle with visitation started before I became a significant part of the family dynamic. As I family, I commonly refer to us as a we. "We" are the ones dealing with the unknown of each weekend. "We" are the ones taking time out of our days to get with the court system. "We" are the ones explaining to the other siblings why the other kids are not joining us again for that special event. My apologies for the slip of the fingers.

My only involvement is support for what the father needs to see his children. It is saddening to see someone so dedicated to kids (a scout leader, a wrestling dad, a step dad in cooperation with their dad) being drug through this when all he wants is to be part of their lives.
 

HarleyLove81

Junior Member
The bolded is what people pay attorneys for. Time to get one.


To add: Actually, the entirety of this is what attorneys are paid for.
Thanks. We are working toward that; hence, the court date request. The state Healthcare and Family Services department will most likely pick up the case once it is assigned to a courtroom. We have already been in contact with them.
I was hoping we could do something before then.
Sadly, I think waiting might be our only option.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
But the father has a writing/comprehension deficiency which can be worsened by stress/nerves, so I am his scribe and have been allowed in legal proceedings to be his interpreter towards the judicial speech/terminology.
You're missing the point. YOU cannot do what you say you are doing. I don't believe for a second that you have gone in to his court hearings to act as his attorney. It's possible you've been allowed in to mediation, but not court.

If you HAVE been in actual hearings in the capacity that you have indicated, then you are breaking the law (Unauthorized Practice of Law): http://www.isba.org/resources/upl
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Thanks. We are working toward that; hence, the court date request. The state Healthcare and Family Services department will most likely pick up the case once it is assigned to a courtroom. We have already been in contact with them.
I was hoping we could do something before then.
Sadly, I think waiting might be our only option.
There is no WE or OUR. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I completely understand that I have no legal standing in this matter. I have also been advised that I would not be the best to complete a written witness/recommendation statement to accompany the father into court as I am too close to the father and would be considered a bias witness.

But the father has a writing/comprehension deficiency which can be worsened by stress/nerves, so I am his scribe and have been allowed in legal proceedings to be his interpreter towards the judicial speech/terminology.
Unless you are an attorney, you should not be allowed to be his interpreter towards the judicial speech/terminology. You are quite frankly practicing law without a license to be "interpreting" such things. Your written witness/recommendation statement would be meaningless. If mom gets even smarter, she can file a complaint against your actions and you could find yourself in legal hot water.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
There is no WE or OUR. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
This OP is clueless. She doesn't understand that LEGALLY she is NO ONE. LEGALLY, she is overstepping. LEGALLY, she has no right to contact anyone or anything regarding dad's case. LEGALLY, she is going to harm dad more than help him because of her interference.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
I'm sorry I seems to have touched a nerve. Please see my response to Silverplum in regards to my involvement.

The father's battle with visitation started before I became a significant part of the family dynamic. As I family, I commonly refer to us as a we. "We" are the ones dealing with the unknown of each weekend. "We" are the ones taking time out of our days to get with the court system. "We" are the ones explaining to the other siblings why the other kids are not joining us again for that special event. My apologies for the slip of the fingers.

My only involvement is support for what the father needs to see his children. It is saddening to see someone so dedicated to kids (a scout leader, a wrestling dad, a step dad in cooperation with their dad) being drug through this when all he wants is to be part of their lives.
We all have families. We know what "we" means. Legally, though, it's a different matter. Learn it or regret it. :cool:

If HE wanted to be part of his children's lives, he would do it. He would hire an attorney and quit fooling around with coaching other people's children. He would focus on his children, instead of making new families.
 

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