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Must I allow cell phones?

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w1nner11

Junior Member
I am CP of 7 and 8 yr olds. I have NEVER ever denied phone contact to NCP. If I ever missed a call it was returned within 2 minutes. Literally. However, my calls to NCP have gone unanswered and unreturned for 1 to 2 days at times.
Question- NCP wants to give kids cell phones but I think they are too young. Can I say go ahead but they can't have them at my house????
Thank you.:confused:
 


Okay, you are upset that your ex doesn't have the kids get back to you in a timely manner, but you don't want them to have cell phones which would ultimately allow you to have access to speak with them at all times?

If your ex is paying the cell phone bill then why wouldn't you just let them have the phones? I think they make them now where the phones can be programmed to only make calls and accept calls from certain numbers. It will allow both of you access to the kids when they are at the other parents house. Not such a bad thing.

This really isn't something to battle over. Save your energy for bigger issues.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Okay, you are upset that your ex doesn't have the kids get back to you in a timely manner, but you don't want them to have cell phones which would ultimately allow you to have access to speak with them at all times?

If your ex is paying the cell phone bill then why wouldn't you just let them have the phones? I think they make them now where the phones can be programmed to only make calls and accept calls from certain numbers. It will allow both of you access to the kids when they are at the other parents house. Not such a bad thing.

This really isn't something to battle over. Save your energy for bigger issues.
I agree with this response, however, its equally true that you don't have to allow the cell phones at your house. The kids are a bit young for them.
 

w1nner11

Junior Member
thank you for your responses.
drama- u missed the point entirely. I am not concerned about the cost of the phones. at this point i am not upset about anything. just stating that access is free and uninhibited at my home.
I am concerned about a couple of things. One, if the phones have unlimited calling, I do not believe it is safe. Two, if they don't have unlimited calling, what is the point? There is already freedom of access for the NCP via phone. Finally, I don't like the idea of getting the young children accustomed to or expecting to have cell phones at the ages of 7 and 8.

Ultimately, my greatest problem is, this is not about cell phones or access for the NCP. It is about imparting control in my home. I do speak with children at NCP house, but do it rarely. Same so far with NCP at my home. I believe their time is their time and visa versa. I believe interrupting that time with too much communication or a competition of communication will ultimately harm the children.
And about saving battles for bigger issues... this is a long and all encompassing war fought on all fronts with the ultimate goal of ncp to recapture custody.
So bottom line- given the freedom of access already, Can I say no cell phones in this home???

I see your response now ld. thank you. (newbie here)
 
Last edited:

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
You've already received the answer: Yes, you can prohibit cell phones in your home.

And, I agree...this is DEFINITELY about control
 
thank you for your responses.
drama- u missed the point entirely. I am not concerned about the cost of the phones. at this point i am not upset about anything. just stating that access is free and uninhibited at my home.
I am concerned about a couple of things. One, if the phones have unlimited calling, I do not believe it is safe. Two, if they don't have unlimited calling, what is the point? There is already freedom of access for the NCP via phone. Finally, I don't like the idea of getting the young children accustomed to or expecting to have cell phones at the ages of 7 and 8.

Ultimately, my greatest problem is, this is not about cell phones or access for the NCP. It is about imparting control in my home. I do speak with children at NCP house, but do it rarely. Same so far with NCP at my home. I believe their time is their time and visa versa. I believe interrupting that time with too much communication or a competition of communication will ultimately harm the children.
And about saving battles for bigger issues... this is a long and all encompassing war fought on all fronts with the ultimate goal of ncp to recapture custody.
So bottom line- given the freedom of access already, Can I say no cell phones in this home???

I see your response now ld. thank you. (newbie here)
That is entirely up to you. I did not miss your point, I was just stating several factors that could play into your decision. While I am not exactly all for children that young having cell phones (I have an 8 year old and he doesn't have a cell phone), I don't think it is a terrible thing if they have phones that only allow them to call or receive calls from parents. It could work in both of your favors.
I minor things like this, I am always more likely to not put up a fuss because I have learned that it is wise to choose your battles. If you make a fuss over little things, he will do the same when you want something. There has to be a give and take. But like I said, that is my opinion, based on my experience. You have every right to say no.
 
Although I was the NCP at the time, I had to deal with a lot of control issues from my ex-wife, and and I ended up prohibiting my then 10-year old daughter from having a cell phone when she was visiting me. Because there was still plenty of telephone contact between my ex-wife and my daughter via the house land line, my prohibition was not an issue when we ended up going back to court.
 

pittrocks

Member
I agree that it's your right to prohibit the cell phones in your home if the children are having regular contact with the NCP. There's a good piece of info called the "divorced children's bill of rights" which says each child has the right to regular phone contact with each parent and also has the right to uninterrupted time with each parent during visitation...also that each child has the right to express love for each parent without worrying about how it will affect the other parent. I found these things very helpful....

if you decide to allow the cell phones, you can always elect to turn them on durign set communication hours, if you do that kind of thing..make sure you let the other party know, and that way they've been informed, but they can't control the entire situation, because your time is indeed your time.
 

spider14

Member
I can top that! My 4 yr old has a cell phone from NCP. OP, this is so not an issue to become stressed about. The greater lesson you will show your kids is that Both parents are available at any time.
 

saddad2

Junior Member
Another Prospective on the Cell Phone

My Ex wife moved 3 hrs away with my 3 girls. With their activities, I am lucky to get them every other weekend. During my weekend time, my ex wife calls my girls cell phones 6-10 times per day. She says "just to check up on them" What I over hear is mostly, them giving her reports. Ex, what is new in my house, what I might have spent money on. And sometimes and hourly report of what is going on in my house. This was very intrusive to the little time we had. So, I spoke to a professional, counselor to get some advice on what to do. According to the counselor , this is a very common and destructive behavior of the custodial parent. What the custodial parent is trying to do, is relay to the child that something is wrong in the house and that they need to be checked up upon.
 

haiku

Senior Member
This is not a big deal IMO

my step children have cell phones they bring to our house. And the mother would call and text every hour. (not to mention the older one was constantly talking to her friends :) )

So my husband set rules, the phones are turned off at meal times, and during activities/events where phones are not neccesary, and in the evening.

They can turn the phone on at appropriate times to do things like say good night to thier mother or call/text thier friends if they desire.

if its a real emergency mom can call dad directly.

You are a PARENT, not a babysitter, you do get to have your own rules in your own house.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
My Ex wife moved 3 hrs away with my 3 girls. With their activities, I am lucky to get them every other weekend. During my weekend time, my ex wife calls my girls cell phones 6-10 times per day. She says "just to check up on them" What I over hear is mostly, them giving her reports. Ex, what is new in my house, what I might have spent money on. And sometimes and hourly report of what is going on in my house. This was very intrusive to the little time we had. So, I spoke to a professional, counselor to get some advice on what to do. According to the counselor , this is a very common and destructive behavior of the custodial parent. What the custodial parent is trying to do, is relay to the child that something is wrong in the house and that they need to be checked up upon.
Not always. Sometimes it indicates an extremely "needy" custodial parent who has not learned to live without their children even for temporary periods of time. That's equally bad, but its not the same.

Its also sometimes the whole "cell phone" mentality. That whole "have to be in touch with someone all the time" mentality. I see it frequently in my line of work, and I will often tell a client that I refuse to proceed with their tax return unless they turn off their cell phone. You wouldn't believe how many of them twitch and fidget because they are not getting their calls.
 

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