My daughter was violated at school

[Jenni_Pooh2]

What is the name of your state? CA

My daughter goes to a middle school (7th & 8th grades). About a month ago we had 3 incidents happen in the same week.

First, on two separate days she came home wearing her gym clothes over her tee-shirt. I asked her why and she told me that "Jesse" had thrown a bottle of water on her shirt, and because it made it see thru she put her gym shirt on. (my daughter is physically mature for only being 12) After my daughter and I talked we dismissed it as to kids playing in the water when it's hot outside as she was not the only one who got all wet.

Then a few days later she came home and to my horror she explained to me that "Jesse" had held her down and wrote "F**K Me" on her stomach. It was with permanent marker, and we had to scrub the skin off the get it off her stomach. I called the school and spoke with the vice principal and he said he would speak to "Jesse's" parents about this.

Moreover, this Jesse kid keeps calling my house and leaving stupid messages on my machine. Typical teen age stuff. He is 14 - in 8th grade.

I don't have his phone number, as it is not listed, or I would call the parents myself. It doesn’t seem that anything was done at school or any displinary actions were taken, as he is in most of my daughter’s classes. I know that school is almost out, but I feel that he should have been punished for the things he has done. I am sure that my daughter is not a perfect little angel, so no, I am not being naive. But he detained my daughter against her will and violated her by writing that on her. Is there anything I can do to be sure this kid understands that these actions are not ok and not to be repeated with anyone else?

 

[CdwJava]

I would recommend two things - (1) personal contact with the school's porincipal or vice principal, and a follow-up so you can be informed of the results of their investigation or punishment. The second act can certainly be considered a violation of school policy on a number of different levels and COULD be considered battery under CA law as well.

(2) Contact the school resource officer if there is one assigned to the school. Sometimes this has an impact on the children, and very often the SRO already knows the child or their family and can make an effective impression on them so as to keep it from happening again.

Its probably not worth pursuing in other legal venues (lawsuits, restraining orders, other criminal charges) at this point. But, I would also request that the school and/or the SRO advice the little twit that if he continues to call and leave unwanted messages that he can and will be charged with making harassing phone calls (and if you want to throw the law at them it a violation of CA Penal Code section 653m).

Carl

 

[Jenni_Pooh2]

I don't plan to press charges or anything like that, as kids will be kids. However, I do expect something to be done to prohibit this kind of thing from happening again.

There is no SRO assigned to the school - unfortunately. (small rural area)

I did contact the vice principal and he said that he would call my daughter into his office and get the story direct from her and then speak with the boy. The vice principal then called me back and told me that he has had these kinds of problem with the boy before and that he would speak to the boys parents. I guess I would just like to know what was done, if anything. But apparently I'm not privy to that information.

 

[stephenk]

"I don't plan to press charges or anything like that, as kids will be kids"

Sure, why do something now to stop Jessie. Wait till he attacks some other girl.

I ran with a pretty wild group when I was growing up. Dont recall ever attacking a girl. Oh well, I'm sure your daughter will understand your desire not to cause any waves.

 

[Jenni_Pooh2]

That's not what I meant...

I think you misunderstood me, or I said it all wrong... I am going to make sure that something was done about it at the school level, however, I'm not going to bring a law suit against his parents. I'm not looking for any money or anything out of this, just the peace of mind that it will not be repeated.

FYI - my daughter did admit to kicking him in a very delicate place, and since then he wants nothing to do with her. Maybe he did learn a lesson. If not from the school or his parents, from my daughter.

 

[stealth2]

Slightly off-topic, Jenni, but perhaps not. As the mother of both a 13yo boy and a 10yo girl, I've seen a fair number of 12yo girls who are developed beyond their years - I hope that you've taken her out to buy some bras. That should reduce the embarassment of a wet, see-through shirt significantly.

 

[Jenni_Pooh2]

But of course...

Yes, she wears a bra. Starting wearing one at 9 yo for a matter of fact, when puberity hit her head on! Even though she had the bra on - it was still embarrassing to have it seen through her tee shirt. But thanks for the heads up!

 

[stealth2]

Whew! I see all too many - even in my youngest's class - whose mothers haven't gone there.

 

[Thinblueline]

forget the bras

Forget the bras, when you take her shopping again, especially for back to school, get her a variety of pointed toe shoes!

 

[understand]

Hi,

I'm sorry that your daughter had to go through that and I'm sure that if your and your daughter report it to the prinicipal directly they will take action. I, on the other hand have the opposite problem. High school son, girl flirting with him and hanging out at school, she and her friends are always swatting or slapping each others butts. (Fully clothed, nothing erotic about it) They do this to see who does it the hardest. My son walked by and did this with the back of his hand to the girl I spoke of above. She said that the game wasn't for boys, he said sorry and kept going. Now, I know that is not right, boys need to keep their hands to themselves, I do understand that. But when she went and reported it, he was removed in handcuffs, arrested for sexual assault and can no longer report to that high school. And no, is not a troublemaker kid. A&B student, doesn't ditch,typical, imature, kid...So, yes, they will take action when you persue it, and it does sound like you should do something.

Hang in there.

 

[Jenni_Pooh2]

I guess it's over?

Well, school is out and I have not heard back from the Vice Principal as to what punishment was given to "Jesse". It doesn't sound like anything was done. However, "Jesse" hasn't called the house at all, so I am hoping that is over. It would have been nice to hear back from the VP and reassured that this kind of action would not take place again and that the boy was dealt with.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I don't plan to press charges or anything like that, as kids will be kids.

I wan't going to bother responding since you got some sound advice from others. But in reading though you post this one statement bothered me.

First of all Jenni, what kind of message are you sending your daughter when someone holds her down physically and violates her? Is it the kind of message you WANT to be sending her?

Second, it matters not one iota that school is out. The school board continues to meet. If you do not hear back from the Vice Principle after you've written a certified (RRR) letter demanding to be informed of the outcome of his 'investigation' then take your concerns to the school board.

I have two daughters 8 and 10 and last year I got called into the school office because the 10 year-old kicked a kid in the groin. When I asked her why she did it she told me "he touched me" and then pointed to where he had touched her.

Not only did the school NOT ask her why she did it, they didn't believe it.

Long story short, the boy had done this to other girls who came forward and not only was the boy transferred to another school, so was the principal.

Do NOT put up with this crap. PERIOD!

 

[Jenni_Pooh2]

Your right...

Belize - you are correct in the fact that I need to further this and not just let it go. My daughter wants me to drop it, because she is afraid that she will be teased about it next year. I told her that I don't care and that what Jesse did is wrong. I've asked her, what if he was trying to rape you or kill you? Does he think it's ok to do whatever he wants just because he has gotten away with it so far? I'll be writing and sending out a letter (certified and RRR) today to the school. Thanks for the kick in the butt.

 

[masterjester]

i understand

i read all the messages above and i am in some what of this dispute that i got to go to court on the 23rd for supposedly bumping into a girl that was in the hall way and she filed charges and put simple battery on my while in high school people bump. anyways, if you dont care what happens to the kid thats cool and you want something done to him by the school and they do nothing you can actually take the school to court because my mother wanted to take this issue to the court on the school and my lawyer said that the school did what was in her best intrest now in your case the school needs to do something to the kid because is was against her will she was pinned down that classifies as sexual assult yes and since the school did nothing for your daughter you can say that your daughter was not justified in school and you would have your self an easy case and could get rid of the VP and/ or the jessi kid.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Did you even bother to look at the date of this thread. It is 5 months old and has been resolved.

Do yourself and everyone else on this forum a favor and STOP reviving old threads.