My husband attacked me

[Skittlededoo]

Washington State

Late last night my husband and I were arguing. He started telling me to shut up and said if I left him he'd make sure I'd never see our 6yo daughter and that I'm "getting nothing" as he put it.

He then shot up out of bed and we kinda bumped each other. I put my hands up to steady myself. It's a bit blurry here. We scuffled quite a bit. A lot of grabbing.

He's 6ft and 300 something pounds and I'm 5'8" on a good day. So when he throws his weight I bounce. Then he lunged at me and got in my face again. He ended up picking me up and shoving me onto the bed.

He put his hands around my neck and squeezed. My head pounded and I was seeing speckles. Our 6yo was sleeping in the bed and I thought how he was going to kill me this time. I tried to stop him. I got a fist on his face and he let go.

I jumped up and locked him out of the room and called 911. They arrested him and took pictures of my neck and I filled out a statement.

Please, can anyone tell me how this will play out? The police officer told me sometime in the morning a prosecutor will call me and he will have a hearing.

I'm scared. What's going to happen?

 

[adjusterjack]

You make DAMNED sure that you testify against him as you wrote it here so he ends up in jail. Don't sugar coat it. Don't make excuses for him.

Write him off, no matter what. File for divorce now.

Take out a protective order. Have nothing to do with him. Don't forgive him. Don't bail him out.

Contact a local battered women agency for assistance and support.

Don't weaken.

Next time he will kill you. That's what those kind of monsters do.

 

[Zigner]

You make DAMNED sure that you testify against him as you wrote it here so he ends up in jail. Don't sugar coat it. Don't make excuses for him.

Write him off, no matter what. File for divorce now.

Take out a protective order. Have nothing to do with him. Don't forgive him. Don't bail him out.

Contact a local battered women agency for assistance and support.

Don't weaken.

Next time he will kill you. That's what those kind of monsters do.

It does not seem appropriate for me to click the "like" button on this, but I do wholeheartedly agree. This woman needs to make sure that she is NOT at the house when this man animal is released.

 

[justalayman]

Take out a protective order. Have nothing to do with him. Don't forgive him. Don't bail him out.

if the guy is charged op should check into whether the state automatically imposed a protective order. In many states it is automatic that a protective order is imposed upon any domestic violence situstion where charges are filed

If such orders are imposed by the court it would save the op the sometimes arduous task of seeking one on their own.

 

[Skittlededoo]

You make DAMNED sure that you testify against him as you wrote it here so he ends up in jail. Write him off, no matter what. File for divorce now.

Take out a protective order. Have nothing to do with him. Don't forgive him. Don't bail him out.

Contact a local battered women agency for assistance and support.

Don't weaken.

Next time he will kill you. That's what those kind of monsters do.

I'm scared because when the officers were questioning me they asked if I was hitting him too. I said I didn't think so with like a closed fist or anything but when I was writing the statement I asked the officer if it was 'he choked me' or 'he strangled me' and when I wrote it down I looked up at the officer and said, "That was when!"

I can't stop thinking about everything over and over. I'm not shaking like I was when the place came but I feel trembly and can't seem to 'feel warm' if that makes sense.

I've tried to sleep but my head is hurting so bad and swallowing feels sticky.


When they said a prosecutor is calling me this morning, what does that mean?

 

[justalayman]

The prosecutor will ask for your side of the events.

 

[Skittlededoo]

The prosecutor will ask for your side of the events.

I'm really sorry if this sounds dumb but what role does the prosector have? Is that a fact gatherer?

 

[stealth2]

I would also want to make sure any protective order includes the child, including at school.

 

[Zigner]

I'm really sorry if this sounds dumb but what role does the prosector have? Is that a fact gatherer?

The prosecutor is the attorney who will, hopefully, do his or her level best to make sure your husband faces the maximum penalty for his criminal act(s).

 

[Skittlededoo]

The prosecutor is the attorney who will, hopefully, do his or her level best to make sure your husband faces the maximum penalty for his criminal act(s).

Thank you for the explanation. I didn't realize one would be assigned to me automatically. Will the prosecutor tell the judge I'm scared and want to reconsider a no contact order? Will I be jailed for hitting his face when he strangled me? The police officer said I left a mark on his face.

What kind of time is he facing? I mean, does he get released and some time down the road go to court, or do they just keep him there?

 

[justalayman]

I'm really sorry if this sounds dumb but what role does the prosector have? Is that a fact gatherer?

The prosecutor is who, well, prosecutes,the case on behalf of the state. They do investigate crimes if the police report (when there is one) does not provide sufficient proof of reasonable cause to file charges. Even after thst they investigate the crime so,as to be able to present the case at trial

 

[Mass_Shyster]

Here's what happens in Massachusetts. It may or not be the similar in Washington. (I'm a court appointed defense attorney, and get appointed to men (and women) charged with domestic violence)

The client is in lockup and I meet with him. I ask about his record, ties to the community, and ability to post bail. At the bail hearing, there's a good chance that the alleged victim will show up asking for a domestic violence restraining order. The judge almost always imposes an order for the defendant to stay away from and have no contact with the alleged victim. Violating that order can cause his bail to be revoked and he can be held without bail until trial. If the victim shows up asking for a restraining order, it will almost certainly be granted. One difficulty in getting a restraining order later is having him served with notice of the order. If he's ordered to stay away, you don't know where he is. You can find out when the next court date is and have him served then.

I suggest you show up in court at his arraignment and tell the prosecutor what you want.

 

[justalayman]

Thank you for the explanation. I didn't realize one would be assigned to me automatically. Will the prosecutor tell the judge I'm scared and want to reconsider a no contact order? Will I be jailed for hitting his face when he strangled me? The police officer said I left a mark on his face.

What kind of time is he facing? I mean, does he get released and some time down the road go to court, or do they just keep him there?

The prosecutor will review the police report as well as interviewing you and determine if they believe there is a winnable case against your husband.

It is possible both parties to be charged with domestic violence although not typical. You hitting your husband when he was choking you was a defensive act. It shouldn’t be of concern to you.

What the prosecutor is going to look for is whether your husband acted in a way that meets the specifics listed in the crime charged. He will look as to whether your actions were offensive or defensive and if offensive, did they cause your husband to defend himself or were they great enough such that the prosecutor should also consider charging you with a crime as well.


How the fight started (the physical portion) isn’t clear in your description. Depending on what happened at that point, he may not have committed a crime and you may have. I am not suggesting either is the case but simply saying I don’t know.

Even if you had acted against him as the primary aggressor, when it gets to the choking, it would not be a defensive act and could be the basis for a charge regardless of anything else.

 

[Skittlededoo]

Thank you for your reply and breakdown. When is arrainment usually? I guess the better question is, will someone notify me so I can be there?

 

[justalayman]

Here's what happens in Massachusetts. It may or not be the similar in Washington. (I'm a court appointed defense attorney, and get appointed to men (and women) charged with domestic violence)

The client is in lockup and I meet with him. I ask about his record, ties to the community, and ability to post bail. At the bail hearing, there's a good chance that the alleged victim will show up asking for a domestic violence restraining order. The judge almost always imposes an order for the defendant to stay away from and have no contact with the alleged victim. Violating that order can cause his bail to be revoked and he can be held without bail until trial. If the victim shows up asking for a restraining order, it will almost certainly be granted. One difficulty in getting a restraining order later is having him served with notice of the order. If he's ordered to stay away, you don't know where he is. You can find out when the next court date is and have him served then.

I suggest you show up in court at his arraignment and tell the prosecutor what you want.

In my state the victim doesn’t usually show up until the trial. The courts impose a no contact order on their own accord. No need to request one. In fact, it’s not up to the victim and is typically imposed even if the victim requests there not be one.