My rights as a father

[Jackm20]

What is the name of your state? New Hampshire

So the mother of my child ( due in mid-May) Is not going to tell me when she gives birth and plans on not putting me on the birth certificate. We've had no contact for 2 months now, although I ask how she's doing everyday but can never get through because I've been blocked on everything. Before the stop in communication I insisted and still do that we need to work together as a team and put our differences aside. I want to be a good father and I want her to be a good mother. I want to be there for the birth. I want equal rights. I want to get along. I'm afraid that I'm going to get written off and it will lead to none stop court dates. I'm afraid that my child's being used as a tool against me and will be brainwashed. That's the difference, I want my child to have both parents and her mother wants to take me out of the picture. I'm not sure where to begin. Thanks and appreciate any guidance. Stay safe!

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? New Hampshire

So the mother of my child ( due in mid-May) Is not going to tell me when she gives birth and plans on not putting me on the birth certificate. We've had no contact for 2 months now, although I ask how she's doing everyday but can never get through because I've been blocked on everything. Before the stop in communication I insisted and still do that we need to work together as a team and put our differences aside. I want to be a good father and I want her to be a good mother. I want to be there for the birth. I want equal rights. I want to get along. I'm afraid that I'm going to get written off and it will lead to none stop court dates. I'm afraid that my child's being used as a tool against me and will be brainwashed. That's the difference, I want my child to have both parents and her mother wants to take me out of the picture. I'm not sure where to begin. Thanks and appreciate any guidance. Stay safe!

Is the mother in NH?
Are you and she married?

If you are not married then paternity must be established, until that is done you are not the father of her child. She can not "put you on the birth certificate" when Jr. is born. That will be done after the father is legally established through the court. I HIGHLY recommend requesting a DNA test when you file for paternity. She is also not required to have you in the room when she gives birth...and truly, if you and she are not getting along then it would be unduly stressful for her to have you there. Don't forget that in all likelihood you would not be allowed to attend the birth anyway because of the pandemic.

In mid May file in Mom's county for paternity/support/visitation and until then leave Mom alone.


Please also consider that pregnancy is stressful in the best of circumstances and right now Mom is about to give birth in a pandemic. She must be scared out of her wits. Be conscience of that.

 

[Jackm20]

We are not married and in the same state.

 

[Jackm20]

Is the mother in NH?
Are you and she married?

If you are not married then paternity must be established, until that is done you are not the father of her child. She can not "put you on the birth certificate" when Jr. is born. That will be done after the father is legally established through the court. I HIGHLY recommend requesting a DNA test when you file for paternity. She is also not required to have you in the room when she gives birth...and truly, if you and she are not getting along then it would be unduly stressful for her to have you there. Don't forget that in all likelihood you would not be allowed to attend the birth anyway because of the pandemic.

In mid May file in Mom's county for paternity/support/visitation and until then leave Mom alone.


Please also consider that pregnancy is stressful in the best of circumstances and right now Mom is about to give birth in a pandemic. She must be scared out of her wits. Be conscience of that.

 

[Just Blue]

We are not married and in the same state.

Okay....Then do as I suggest in my 1st posting to you. Also keep in mind there may (will) be a delay in court proceeding because of C-19.

 

[Jackm20]

I was under the impression that we could both sign an acknowledgement of paternity. I was hoping for that.
As far as being there in the room, you are right. It's impossible at this point but I'd like to see my child as soon as possible.
I'm gathering that unless we both can come to agreement then I'm not going to see my child until I can get the court to say so? How long do you think that would take?

 

[Just Blue]

I was under the impression that we could both sign an acknowledgement of paternity. I was hoping for that.
As far as being there in the room, you are right. It's impossible at this point but I'd like to see my child as soon as possible.
I'm gathering that unless we both can come to agreement then I'm not going to see my child until I can get the court to say so? How long do you think that would take?

You would have to be in the hospital to sign the AOP. No one should go to the hospital unless they are VERY ill or injured. We have a new reality right now and that means our wants are put on hold until it is safe.

For the well-being of the baby you should not visit until the virus has abated. A 6 week old baby in CT passed away from this virus....if the mother is smart she will keep everyone away from the child for the near future.

Perhaps she will face time so you can see the baby? Not ideal and the situation heartbreaking....but for baby's sake it is necessary to be very cautious.

ETA: The courts won't be running as normal for months (Aug? Sept?) or more.

 

[Jackm20]

You would have to be in the hospital to sign the AOP. No one should go to the hospital unless they are VERY ill or injured. We have a new reality right now and that means our wants are put on hold until it is safe.

For the well-being of the baby you should not visit until the virus has abated. A 6 week old baby in CT passed away from this virus....if the mother is smart she will keep everyone away from the child for the near future.

Perhaps she will face time so you can see the baby? Not ideal and the situation heartbreaking....but for baby's sake it is necessary to be very cautious.

 

[Jackm20]

You're right! I hope she will be that cautious. But she has 2 roommates, I live alone. I really wish she would come to my house for a while in separate rooms for the safety of our child. But we are far from that right now. I will keep my hopes up. After all, she does talk with my father. That may be a sign that I'm not written off but she's just not ready to put things behind and move forward. Yes, I am also scared. It really sucks.
That being said, the only option at this point is wait until birth then go file for paternity with a DNA test... Thank you, stay safe!

 

[Just Blue]

You're right! I hope she will be that cautious. But she has 2 roommates, I live alone. I really wish she would come to my house for a while in separate rooms for the safety of our child. But we are far from that right now. I will keep my hopes up. After all, she does talk with my father. That may be a sign that I'm not written off but she's just not ready to put things behind and move forward. Yes, I am also scared. It really sucks.
That being said, the only option at this point is wait until birth then go file for paternity with a DNA test... Thank you, stay safe!

You stay safe as well, and Congratulations Daddy!



You could ask your Dad to extend an invitation to Mom letting her know that she is welcome to stay with you until the worse of the pandemic is over. I don't know what cause Mom to be so angry with you but it doesn't hurt to ask.

 

[Jackm20]

You're right! I hope she will be that cautious. But she has 2 roommates, I live alone. I really wish she would come to my house for a while in separate rooms for the safety of our child. But we are far from that right now. I will keep my hopes up. After all, she does talk with my father. That may be a sign that I'm not written off but she's just not ready to put things behind and move forward. Yes, I am also scared. It really sucks.
That being said, the only option at this point is wait until birth then go file for paternity with a DNA test... Thank you, stay safe!

You stay safe as well, and Congratulations Daddy!



You could ask your Dad to extend an invitation to Mom letting her know that she is welcome to stay with you until the worse of the pandemic is over. I don't know what cause Mom to be so angry with you but it doesn't hurt to ask.

I never cheated or treated her badly, she just fell out of love with me when she got pregnant. In fact it was a rollercoaster, one minute planning the future together then the next minute screaming and throwing things. Possibly hormones pushed her away, I'm not sure but we tried therapy but it went nowhere and a few days before Christmas she hit me then called the police and told them what had happened. I filed a report and moved out then. The police called her a few days later and told her they were not pressing charges as I did not. But I did file the report so it is out there. Leaving her while pregnant was the toughest decision I have ever made, I had just finished painting the nursery a few days before it happened. So now she sees it as I abandoned her and baby. But I had thought about how if she assualted me now, then what's next? Will it continue? So I left. I made the right decision.

Actually what you said was a real eye opener. I didn't really think about the risk of having 3 adults in their 30s (the roommates are not a couple, the 3 live separate lives) plus baby... Ugh scary.

Thank you! I'm very excited to be a father. I've wanted to have children for a long time now, not the ideal circumstances but still..

 

[Taxing Matters]

You would have to be in the hospital to sign the AOP.

Actually, no. While certainly it can be done in the hospital and hospital staff are supposed to ask the mother and putative father (if present) to sign the AOP, that is not the only option. NH statute section 5-C:24(IV) provides that when the AOP is not signed by both parents at the hospital they may instead go to the town/city clerk to do it.

 

[Just Blue]

Actually, no. While certainly it can be done in the hospital and hospital staff are supposed to ask the mother and putative father (if present) to sign the AOP, that is not the only option. NH statute section 5-C:24(IV) provides that when the AOP is not signed by both parents at the hospital they may instead go to the town/city clerk to do it.

You are right. But the AOP should not be signed until there is a DNA test that proves OP is the father.


Thank You for correcting me.

 

[Taxing Matters]

But the AOP should not be signed until there is a DNA test that proves OP is the father.

Quite right! I give that advice to young men all the time, and too often they ignore it. Some are then later really upset when they find out they are not really the biological father. By then, though, it can be too late to undo it.

 

[xylene]

You would have to be in the hospital to sign the AOP. No one should go to the hospital unless they are VERY ill or injured. We have a new reality right now and that means our wants are put on hold until it is safe.

For the well-being of the baby you should not visit until the virus has abated. A 6 week old baby in CT passed away from this virus....if the mother is smart she will keep everyone away from the child for the near future.

This advice is not based in medical fact or law and is beyond over the top.