My SD was molested by her step-father

[Nikki74]

What is the name of your state? Missouri.

My SD is 14 and told me her Step-Father sexually Molested her when she was 9. She said she told her mom and her mom didn't believe her. She has also recently brought it up to her mom and she said, "Little girls lie". The reason she remembers being 9 is because when she was she asked me why she would have blood in her underwear and we thought she started her period. We called her mom and told her and then later she called us back and said she was told it was normal for 9 year old girls to start their period that young. That was the only time she bleed until she really started her period at age 12. She begged me not to tell anyone and I explained to her how serious this is and that he might do it to someone else or already has. Her step-father has 2 younger bio children in their home. I called the child abuse hotline and our local family services office called and told us not to return her home on sunday and not to allow contact with the step-father at all and her mom can't call her at all. If her mom does see her we have to be present and she can't discuss any of this with her. And until she goes to see someone on Monday, nobody else can discuss it with her either. DFS called her mom yesterday and explained what was going on and we had to sign some paper work. After my SD sees the counselor or whoever it is she is going to see monday, they will interview everyone: BM, Step-dad, me, BF, and their children.

I'm curious if anyone has been through this or knows someone who has? What can we expect? I truly believe my SD. Will she have to return to her mothers home and live under the same roof with her step-father?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Missouri.

My SD is 14 and told me her Step-Father sexually Molested her when she was 9. She said she told her mom and her mom didn't believe her. She has also recently brought it up to her mom and she said, "Little girls lie". The reason she remembers being 9 is because when she was she asked me why she would have blood in her underwear and we thought she started her period. We called her mom and told her and then later she called us back and said she was told it was normal for 9 year old girls to start their period that young. That was the only time she bleed until she really started her period at age 12. She begged me not to tell anyone and I explained to her how serious this is and that he might do it to someone else or already has. Her step-father has 2 younger bio children in their home. I called the child abuse hotline and our local family services office called and told us not to return her home on sunday and not to allow contact with the step-father at all and her mom can't call her at all. If her mom does see her we have to be present and she can't discuss any of this with her. And until she goes to see someone on Monday, nobody else can discuss it with her either. DFS called her mom yesterday and explained what was going on and we had to sign some paper work. After my SD sees the counselor or whoever it is she is going to see monday, they will interview everyone: BM, Step-dad, me, BF, and their children.

I'm curious if anyone has been through this or knows someone who has? What can we expect? I truly believe my SD. Will she have to return to her mothers home and live under the same roof with her step-father?

After CPS has interviewed everyone they will decide whether or not its credible that your SD was molested. (and while some children may start their period as young as nine, its definitely NOT normal to have one period and then not another for 3 more years). If they decide its credible, they will press charges against the stepfather, and most likely will remove the other children from mom's home. Mom is definitely going to be dealing with some "failure to protect" issues for blowing her child off that way, not once, but twice.

 

[George1620]

Child Molestation

Idaho, I have a question with this topic... My girlfriend told me who is almost 21 that when she was 11 her step father molested her after he got out of prison and she remembers everything like it was yesterday, she cant remember any part of her childhood except for that incident...anyways she never told anyone when she was growing up she told me that her mom wouldnt believe her...When she was 16-17 she started telling close friends and her siblings and when she was 18 she finally told her mom and her mom didnt do anything about it....She comfortable talking about it now and I know she has issues as a result of this...is there anything she can do now? Such as get the police involved and such or is it pretty much too late?

 

[Nikki74]

You better know what the hell your talking about ruining a mans life. You better know this as fact.

I thought long and hard about this and even lost sleep. I believe my step-daughter just because of the way she told me. First she was asking me questions and talking about a girl she knows that was molested by her uncle and nobody believed her then she asked about the time her step-dad put bruises on her inner thighs with (as my stepdaughter described them at the age of 5 or 6 "pinchy things"). Then with this look I've never seen before she asked me to promise not to tell anyone what she was going to tell me and I told her I couldn't promise her because I had the feeling she was going to tell me something very serious. I actually put 2 and 2 together before she had a chance to say it. I asked her if it involved her step-dad (since she was just talking about him) and I asked her if he did something to her that he shouldn't have. Both answers were yes along with many tears and pleas for me to keep it secret because she said she doesn't want her mom to go to jail and her brother and sister to go to foster care, along with her life turned upside down. I've been told that the psychologist she will see on monday will determine weather this investigation will go any further. I'm sure they specialize in being able to tell if a child is making something up or not. I know that if my step-daughter went home to her mom and said that her biological father molested her, biomom would do the same thing we did. Biomom should have done something about this 5 years ago!

 

[Veronica1228]

I thought long and hard about this and even lost sleep. I believe my step-daughter just because of the way she told me. First she was asking me questions and talking about a girl she knows that was molested by her uncle and nobody believed her then she asked about the time her step-dad put bruises on her inner thighs with (as my stepdaughter described them at the age of 5 or 6 "pinchy things"). Then with this look I've never seen before she asked me to promise not to tell anyone what she was going to tell me and I told her I couldn't promise her because I had the feeling she was going to tell me something very serious. I actually put 2 and 2 together before she had a chance to say it. I asked her if it involved her step-dad (since she was just talking about him) and I asked her if he did something to her that he shouldn't have. Both answers were yes along with many tears and pleas for me to keep it secret because she said she doesn't want her mom to go to jail and her brother and sister to go to foster care, along with her life turned upside down. I've been told that the psychologist she will see on monday will determine weather this investigation will go any further. I'm sure they specialize in being able to tell if a child is making something up or not. I know that if my step-daughter went home to her mom and said that her biological father molested her, biomom would do the same thing we did. Biomom should have done something about this 5 years ago!

I agree with you and it sounds to me like you are doing everything by the book. Just keep on with what you are doing and continue to be supportive to your step-daughter. She is going to need you and your husband to be there for her.

Good luck to all of you!

 

[casa]

I thought long and hard about this and even lost sleep. I believe my step-daughter just because of the way she told me. First she was asking me questions and talking about a girl she knows that was molested by her uncle and nobody believed her then she asked about the time her step-dad put bruises on her inner thighs with (as my stepdaughter described them at the age of 5 or 6 "pinchy things"). Then with this look I've never seen before she asked me to promise not to tell anyone what she was going to tell me and I told her I couldn't promise her because I had the feeling she was going to tell me something very serious. I actually put 2 and 2 together before she had a chance to say it. I asked her if it involved her step-dad (since she was just talking about him) and I asked her if he did something to her that he shouldn't have. Both answers were yes along with many tears and pleas for me to keep it secret because she said she doesn't want her mom to go to jail and her brother and sister to go to foster care, along with her life turned upside down. I've been told that the psychologist she will see on monday will determine weather this investigation will go any further. I'm sure they specialize in being able to tell if a child is making something up or not. I know that if my step-daughter went home to her mom and said that her biological father molested her, biomom would do the same thing we did. Biomom should have done something about this 5 years ago!

Speaking from first-hand experience working with abused children...It is a Myth that children often 'lie' & make things like this up. That is a small percentage- and usually comes down to an adult involved who is coercing the statement for vengeance.

I think you are proceeding in the correct way. It will surely come out in counseling- and the Professionals will be able to discern what happened & for how long, etc.

Sadly, many parents do not want to believe their spouses would do this and therefore practice active denial- which seriously affects their children's emotional well being.

Though time has passed, possibly making a physical diagnosis difficult to confirm....It's not unlikely she may have scarring/signs of past abuse.

Good Luck and follow through with this.

 

[Nikki74]

Thanks

Thank you everyone for responding and for the support. I realize this is going to be bumpy ride and I just have to pray that everything works out like it should. Thanks again!

 

[DsmithAsmith]

I know what you are going through (Sorry so Long)

I went through a similar situation with my SD when she was 9. My husband received custody of her because of other issues, and when she moved with us she started acting out. She wrote sexually explicit things on the bathroom wall at school; and did other things that were not common for a child of her age.

When my husband and I confronted her she would not go into detail of what happened but she did admit that a man who lived in her mother/grandmothers home had been inappropriate with her. I reported it to Child Protective Services, I told them even if it violated the court order I would not take her for her visitation I would rather go to jail than risk her being hurt. CPS closed the case because I said this: they felt I was doing a good job protecting the child. We made a report to the police department, but when my SD was interviewed she would not talk to the officer. They did not use a friendly theraputic room - they might have gotten better results if they did. They interviewed her in an interrogation room! . Luckly the cop got the perp. to admit to indecent exposure and lewed acts on a child.

We went to court and got the visitation order changed, honestly the judge was not very willing to change it. He said there was no evidence the mother knew anything about the molest-even though this SAME man had been invesigated for molesting one of her other children 10 years prior. He gave her weekend visits that were suposed to be supervised by the grandmother. I was furious since the molest took place in the home of the grandmothers-obviously she could not protect the child. By the grace of god - next time we went to court the grandmother REFUSED to supervise the visits because the mother would not abstain from drinking while at the visits so the judge ordered them to be supervise at a center. Once the man who molested my SD was released from jail, he moved back into the grandmothers house. When my SD was on the phone with her BM one day she put the man on the phone and he told my SD he was masturbating. Needless to say she does not speak with ANY of them on the phone anymore

I know this is hard for you-and although this might not be legally correct advice-it is moral; You are a mother, if in your gut you know that this child has been injured by this man you do what ever you have to so the child is safe. It breaks my heart when the child's own parent won't protect them. When I asked my SD why she never told her BM, she said "she would not have done anything anyway." SD and I now have a special trust-she knows I will not let anything happen to her.

Keep fighting for your SD-no child deserves to be hurt. You are doing the right thing-hang in there and don't give up. She is depending on you to protect her. She knows you will; that is why she chose to tell you and not someone else.

 

[Nikki74]

Interview Yesterday

My SD was interviewed yesterday, she was so nervous. They had a camera on her and 3 people behind a mirror. She did great. The case worker said when she talked to BM and told her there are allegations of sexual abuse, BM didn't even ask what they are, which is a HUGE red flag on her part. That proved to the case worker that BM was told by my SD that she was molested by her step-dad. The case worker recommended we get an attorney and get full custody of my SD. I have no idea where we are going to get the money to do this.

Does anyone know how we can get started on our own or in the cheapest possible way?

My husband and I have to be interview later this week in front of law enforcement and the case worker. Then I assume BM and Step-dad will follow. I can tell my SD is having lots of regrets about telling me about this. She keeps saying that her step-dad has changed since this happens and she doesn't think he is doing it to anyone else. She is feeling real guilty. I'm sure this is normal...I hope. Thanks for all the support and responses.

 

[casa]

My SD was interviewed yesterday, she was so nervous. They had a camera on her and 3 people behind a mirror. She did great. The case worker said when she talked to BM and told her there are allegations of sexual abuse, BM didn't even ask what they are, which is a HUGE red flag on her part. That proved to the case worker that BM was told by my SD that she was molested by her step-dad. The case worker recommended we get an attorney and get full custody of my SD. I have no idea where we are going to get the money to do this.

Does anyone know how we can get started on our own or in the cheapest possible way?

My husband and I have to be interview later this week in front of law enforcement and the case worker. Then I assume BM and Step-dad will follow. I can tell my SD is having lots of regrets about telling me about this. She keeps saying that her step-dad has changed since this happens and she doesn't think he is doing it to anyone else. She is feeling real guilty. I'm sure this is normal...I hope. Thanks for all the support and responses.

I would recommend continuing therapy for her. There are some great books for children who survived molest/abuse also.

Contact Legal Aid and some Pro Bono attorneys in your county- Also check for Victim's Assistance Programs....A case like this takes priority for volunteer lawyers etc.

If you cannot find any representation- With the documentation and the caseworker standing behind you...It is possible to do this yourself in court. Difficult, but not impossible. You can also ask about the courts appointing a Guardian Ad Litem/CASA/Minor's Attorney to represent your SD in court. Check with your court clerk, because there are sometimes programs available when you are low income and cannot afford these services.

If/When the SD is in continuing counseling- You may want to approach the therapist about how to explain to SD that these types of offenders VERY RARELY stop. (They just get smarter and sneakier).

Good Luck to your family- Keep Fighting.

 

[Nikki74]

I would recommend continuing therapy for her. There are some great books for children who survived molest/abuse also.

Contact Legal Aid and some Pro Bono attorneys in your county- Also check for Victim's Assistance Programs....A case like this takes priority for volunteer lawyers etc.

If you cannot find any representation- With the documentation and the caseworker standing behind you...It is possible to do this yourself in court. Difficult, but not impossible. You can also ask about the courts appointing a Guardian Ad Litem/CASA/Minor's Attorney to represent your SD in court. Check with your court clerk, because there are sometimes programs available when you are low income and cannot afford these services.

If/When the SD is in continuing counseling- You may want to approach the therapist about how to explain to SD that these types of offenders VERY RARELY stop. (They just get smarter and sneakier).

Good Luck to your family- Keep Fighting.

Thank you so much for this information!!!