my son wants to come back, what can I do ???

[Rogelio Castro]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? California

I have been separated for two years, legaly divorced one.
my two children leave with with the mother, my son of 15 and my dougther of 10, I have been payin child suport and alimony as agreed in court.
at the begining of the divorced my son was staying with me and after I stared a new relation chip he moved back with his mother, and I have been leaving with my new girl and her two children.
this weekend my son told me that he wants to move back with me, there is one big problem, his mother won't let him do that, Actualy I already talked to her and she don't want him to leave with me, for my part, I'll be the happies father there is if my son comes back.
when his mother came to pick him up this weekend, he started crying like a little boy, bacause he didn't want to go with his mother, that broke my hart, and I told him that I would do everything I could to have him back, as sonn as posible hofully before xmas.
can someone please tell me what do I need to do, to legaly have him with me even if the mother don't agree.
do I still have to pay her child support even if he leaves with me ??

 

[Zephyr]

well it's not going to happen before xmas, that's for sure.

you need to hire an attorney to file for modification of the current order, without some sort of change in circumstance you may be fighting a losing battle though.

 

[Rogelio Castro]

what do you mean change in circustances ??
besides that he is 15 years old and wants to come back ?
what is it that I need to help our chances ?

please I need advise to help my son !!!!!!!!
he is miserable with his Mother, she don't understand him and can't control him either.
he tells me that she wants him to stay home and not to go out with his friends, she only wants him to visit her side of the family and not his own friends.
with me he has all he need's, I understand him, get along with him, we have the same interet and share a lot of common activities, his mother don't.

he have had fights with his mother and one time he almost hit her, which I don't approve but that's goes to show that she has no control over him and she is not doing anything to get his respect.

pleeease help.

 

[stealth2]

At 15, his wishes may carry some weight. But he's going to need a pretty good reason. Honestly? It sounds like your son has learned quite nicely how to play the both of you the way he's being allowed to move around. Time for both you and your ex to put a stop to it.

 

[Zephyr]

what do you mean change in circustances ??
besides that he is 15 years old and wants to come back ?
what is it that I need to help our chances ?

please I need advise to help my son !!!!!!!!
he is miserable with his Mother, she don't understand him and can't control him either.
he tells me that she wants him to stay home and not to go out with his friends, she only wants him to visit her side of the family and not his own friends.
with me he has all he need's, I understand him, get along with him, we have the same interet and share a lot of common activities, his mother don't.

he have had fights with his mother and one time he almost hit her, which I don't approve but that's goes to show that she has no control over him and she is not doing anything to get his respect.

pleeease help.

a change in circumstance would be something like the child is suddenly failing in school, the mother moving, the child or mother getting in trouble with the law etc. are you and mom geographically close enough that you could do a 50/50 split?

 

[stealth2]

I'd tell your son that when he learns to treat his mother with respect, you'll talk about a change in living arrangements - but you won't reward his poor behavior.

 

[Zephyr]

I'd tell your son that when he learns to treat his mother with respect, you'll talk about a change in living arrangements - but you won't reward his poor behavior.

totally agree with this, almost hitting his mother?! and did he tell you that or did mom? because if it was him, maybe he's pulling your strings...

 

[Rogelio Castro]

his mother was the one that told me that.
I agree I don't want to do this and make it appear like his is getting reward for what he did.
one thing you should know is that his mother is the type of person that can make anyone try to hit her.
that is one of the reasons I divorce her because she would pull her adittud and before it got worse I decided to separate.

back to my son, since the separation and since she is been with him the majory of the time, his grtades defenatly when down.
she can not supervise him while he is out and he definatly takes advantage of that, bacause she will not go out and get him or drop him of where he is going to be.

unfurtunatly after the divorce she moved 2 hours away from were we used to leave, I remained in the same city and that is one of the reason of my son wanted to come back, he misses his school and friends and all the activities that him and I used to do, now we only see each other every other weekend.

 

[stealth2]

I would suggest that you find a way to work with Mom to get this kid back on track. He's playing the both of you.

 

[Rogelio Castro]

honestly, I don't think he is playing any one.
he was originaly leaving with me, until I got involved with someone else, he was so mad at that that he moved with his mom.
I think he finaly accepted the fact that I have move on in life and not going back with his mother.
I know that it was my fault for starting a new relationship, but I didn't think it was going to cause him to move out.

I know that I can help him to be a better person in life and to get his grades upto speed.
I think is not to late and we have to do it before he gets worse with in highschool.
I have ways to disipline him and he likes the way I manage him, his Mom only use yelling and screeming to getting to do his obligations, nobody likes that, I can not blame him for wanting to leave his Mom, after all is the same reason why I left.
I just need advise on how to handle the legal part, I don't have to much money to spare and a lawyer may want a big deposit for tha case.


please help