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My son's mother won't allow me to pick him up.

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greensunezra

Guest
What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I have a son who will be three years old this month. His name is Amaru Nadir Williams. His mother (Akia) and I aren't together. I wasn't the greatest boyfriend. I was often very unsympathetic to her emotional needs. I didn't know how to deal with my own emotions so it was very hard dealing with hers. My attraction for her was mostly intellectual. We broke up while she was pregnant with Amaru. I also thought I had another child on the way after he was born (I later found out it wasn't true). I hurt her feelings alot. I was very emotionally immature during that time. I began visiting Amaru on the weekends. I was very inconsistent, though, i'll admit. I would feel attacked everytime I went over there. I was made to feel so inadequate and guilty. I felt she was justified for feeling hurt. I understood the reasons why she felt the way she did. But, it made it extremely hard for us to communicate about Amaru's needs without our problems being projected. I stopped visiting for a while. Last year, I began dating a young woman by the name of Melissa. She has a three year old son name Tyrique (he'll be four this month). We began to develop into a serious relationship. I moved in with her and began helping to raise Tyrique. I told her about my situation with Akia and Amaru. I had become very depressed about not seeing Amaru. My family and friends had rarely seen him. It hurted so much (and still does) when someone would comment about never seeing him with me. I told her I wanted to change that situation and become more involved in Amaru's life. She said she would support me totally. I called Akia one day and expressed to her my feelings on desiring to be more involved in our son's life. She appeared to be very angry at the fact that I hadn't been involved early in Amaru's life and now that i'm involved in raising someone else's child, I now want to be involved in our child's life. I understood how she could feel that way. But, I also told her that I felt that Amaru deserved to have a father in his life consistently and I was ready to "step up to the plate" and assume my responsibility of his father. She said that everything would be on her terms-the time I come over, when he's able to spend time with me alone (which would'nt happen for a couple of years), etc. and I'll just have to deal with it until she's healed of the stuff I put her through. I submitted because I wanted to start seeing my son more often and I wanted him to get to know me and for me to get to know him and develop a loving father and son relationship (something me and Akia didn't have). I began to visit every weekend consistently. I began to buy him stuff such as books and clothes. If I was able to help Akia financially, I did. I tried to be very understanding and considerate. But, the issue of me picking up Amaru and spending time with him or having him spend the night over my house was (and is) a huge problem with me. She said she has to be with him wherever he's at, which means, if she's busy, I can't spend time with him until she's not busy anymore. Also, I have to travel to see him in Clairton, which is located outside of Pittsburgh. I have to use public transportation because I don't have a licence. My wife (Melissa and I got married on March 28th this year) has a car, so she'll take me over there whenever she's able to (that's a problem for Akia as well). Akia has brought Amaru over my mother's house once. We tried another time but got over there too late and my mother left. She says if I want to have him over my side of town, I have to let her know at least two weeks in advance. Recently, everytime I attempt to have her bring him over my way, she tells me they have plans. It's getting very frustrating because i'm really trying to develop a relationship with our son, but her emotional turbulance gets in the way. I've apologized for hurting her in the past. I've gotten involved in a father's program and recently found a job. I've been reading books on fathering and relationships in an effort to learn more about my responsibilities and how to handle problems parenting him and how to work out problems that may develop between me and his mother. I've been visiting him consistently as much as I can and going along with her views, but I feel that some of my rights as a father are being denied. Recently, my step-son celebrated his birthday. I told her two weeks before and asked her would she mind bringing Amaru. She said she would think about it. Well, the next week, Melissa changed the day of his party to the upcoming Sunday instead of the original day of next Saturday. I tell Akia about it approximately three or four days before. She says she'll think about it. Sunday comes and I call her and she says she can't because she's broke and she doesn't have a present for Tyrique. After I tell her that it's not necessary, she says it is and that she had other plans as well. Everytime I try to get him over my way, she has some excuse why she can't. I can't see why I can't just pick him up and bring him back home after the party. She won't allow that. Does she have the right to do that? My friends think I should take her to court for joint custody. I've tried to avoid court. I've tried talking to her. But, she doesn't seem like she wants me totally involved in Amaru's life. She doesn't mind me being there, but not involved. What should I do?
 


Grace_Adler

Senior Member
You're going to have to take her to court for joint custody and visitation. But if paternity hasn't been established yet, meaning you didn't sign an Affadavit of Paternity, you're going to have to have it established before you can file.
 
Look in the phone book under attorney's. Look for someone that deals in Family Law. Call several and ask if they offer a free consultation. Go see a few, get the advice they offer. If you just started working, then I guess you couldn't afford to hire one. If you can GREAT!!! Your set, if not, keep reading.

Have your current wife take you to the court house, pick up the paperwork for custody and visitation. Fill it out with the help of a law clerk, attorney, or who ever you can get to help you and understand the paper work.
FILE for joint custody.
FILE for visitation.
GET IT DONE.
It is WRONG of her to do this.

You will also be paying child support once this goes to court.

Good Luck.
Keep us updated.
 
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greensunezra

Guest
Pennsylvania

Thank you very much for your replies. They are very helpful. In regards to the affadavit of paternity and child support, I was paying child support for a while until I lost my job. I'm employed now and i'll be able to start paying child support again. If i'm paying child support, doesn't that mean paternity has been established?
 

ellencee

Senior Member
I seem to recall this question from PA only a short time ago. I also seem to recall PA General Statutes accept voluntary admission of paternity by the father if he admits to being the father and, or pays support and such support is accepted without a challenge to the paternity.
You may already have some rights under PA law because of those conditions.
do a search for General Statutes of PA; then go the family law section of those statutes and look for establishment of paternity and rights of each parent.
I may have saved this particular part of the PA general statutes and if I did, I'll post them for you; but if you find and read them for yourself, you may find other aspects that also apply to your circumstances.
 
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greensunezra

Guest
Thank you very much for the info regarding the statutes...so many of us fathers (especially young fathers-i'm 25) are so uneducated about our rights. I'm not trying to create drama for my son's mother. I just want to the loving right to share love with our son. I love him so much and I choose for him to know that he has a mother and a father who loves him. Thank you very much.:)
 
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Lil Miss Smarty Panties

Guest
just wanted to add something...

you may want to go back and edit your original post and take out the names and I think even your city was mentioned. Just to keep your privacy. If your ex or someone that knows her happens to come across this site it would cause you a lot of problems with her.


Good luck to you. you deserve to be in your childs life and he yours. She shouldn't be allowed to hold your son hostage because she has issues with the way things went between the 2 of you. unfortunately, too many women get away with it. Get a good lawyer and fight for your rights.
 

karma1

Senior Member
agree about the name thing....

some people like to use this info to, oh, let's say, follow you around on the internet....
try going to this site
www.deltabravo.net
great site with lots of info for NCP's-articles, parent time tracker, etc...
best wishes
 

CMSC

Senior Member
Re: agree about the name thing....

lovingwife said:
some people like to use this info to, oh, let's say, follow you around on the internet....
try going to this site
www.deltabravo.net
great site with lots of info for NCP's-articles, parent time tracker, etc...
best wishes
:D :D
 

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