My STBX is not the biodad

[starting over]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Children and I are Living in Kentucky, Husband is in Maryland


My STBX and I met 13 yrs ago. When we met, I was about 3 weeks pregnant. The bio father does not know about the child (long story). My STBX knew that I was pregnant and he decided that he wanted to be the father to my child. We put his name on our son's birth certificate & he signed the acknowledgement form. Our son carries my husband's last name from birth. We married when my son was 6 mos old. We have been married for 12 years but now are legally separated as of May. My STBX is paying child support for both children, we also have a son who is 5.

Here comes my concern. My STBX is now living with a g-friend and her 5 children (talk about out of the frying pan, into the fire). His attitude and concern for our children are not as it was, which I kind of expected would happen just because of the distance. We agreed that the children would live with me in Ky, which is where I was originally from.

Given that my oldest is not my STBX's bio child, can he just announce one day that he doesn't have to pay child support even though he is the only father our child has ever known? Im not sure that he will try this, he loves our son. But, he's not the same person I married 12 years ago.

 

[VeronicaGia]

He could try, and you'd have to prove he knew the child was not his, and then there'd be fraud on both of your parts. Paternity fraud is a big issue right now. However, I would think a judge would consider that he's been this childs father for the childs whole life and unless the real bio-dad came forward, he's likely the dad.

If you did this behind his back, I'd be reaming you right now. But it appears he went into it with his eyes wide open. Are you and he ever planning on telling the child? You aren't planning on denying his parental rights to visitation to both kids or either child, are you?

You may not agree with his lifestyle. All people have a different way of coping with loss and the break up of a marriage. Give him time and always follow the court order regarding visitation/cusotody/support.

 

[starting over]

I would never had done this behind his back. As a matter of fact, I told him that I wouldn't go out with him BECAUSE I was pregnant. He had full knowledge from the get go. This might get me some reaming, but we had decided years ago that our son would never know the "truth" But, my son came to me a week ago & said that his Dad made a comment to him about 2 years ago that implied to him that he was not his son. I called my STBX & asked him what, why, etc. He was very adamant that the conversation never took place (even though I know SOMETHING was said) His comment was, "You know how I feel about that subject" This is what started my concern about him "changing his mind"

With regard to ever denying their Dad his visitation, I would never even consider it. As a matter of fact, in June I drove them 600+ miles to spend a week with their Dad just because they missed him. My oldest called his Dad 3 days ago to try to arrange another visit, this is no problem whatsoever with me. The boys need their Dad in their life.

 

[VeronicaGia]

It sounds like you and he are working this out.

If the bio-dad comes forward and demands a DNA test (which a judge may or may not allow), I really don't think your ex could demand one on his own. Besides, it sounds like he has no desire to do this.

 

[starting over]

Thank you

Biodad is not a concern here, he doesn't even know about the child. I haven't seen or spoken to him in 13 years and we no longer live in the state that this all occurred in. Thanks again for your response.