My wife's ex won't let us see where her kids stay

[sickntired41]

What is the name of your state? Ca

Hi my wife's kids have told us horror stories of the conditions they are in when they go with their father.. her kids have even sent us pictures of the conditions but yet every time we go get the kids from him his wife always says "next time" which needs her happens.. what can we do?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? Ca

Hi my wife's kids have told us horror stories of the conditions they are in when they go with their father.. her kids have even sent us pictures of the conditions but yet every time we go get the kids from him his wife always says "next time" which needs her happens.. what can we do?

Please have your wife, who is one of the two legal parties involved, join with her own user name and ask her questions. Thank You...Blue

 

[HRZ]

Only wife has an oar in this water

Conditions may be crowded or dirty but that's not illegal....If the conditions are so unsafe as to be unfit for habitation by some code standard, not just mom's or kids opinion, Repost with specifics.

 

[CdwJava]

What is the name of your state? Ca

Hi my wife's kids have told us horror stories of the conditions they are in when they go with their father.. her kids have even sent us pictures of the conditions but yet every time we go get the kids from him his wife always says "next time" which needs her happens.. what can we do?

You can contact CPS or the police to conduct a welfare check, but that may be to no avail. Neither agency could compel the ex to permit them to look, and absent any exigency (evidence of immediate concern for their safety), the police would be unable to compel entry or a check of the children. Even if they did see the kids, it would take a really bad living situation to result in any action by either agency.

Your wife can try and go back to court and ask that the court allow her to inspect where the children are living, but I have never seen such a condition in a court order before, so I doubt it will be entertained. Keep in mind that it may then allow the ex to come poke about your home as well, so if it IS permitted, be ready for it to go both ways.

And, as mentioned, cluttered and/or dirty does not necessarily equate to cause to forbid visitation. If your wife has an articulable belief that the children will be at imminent risk of harm by seeing the father there is a process she can follow to withhold visitation regardless of the court order. However, doing so can result in her being charged with a crime or, at least, being held in contempt by the Family Court if her fears are considered unreasonable.

 

[stealth2]

I honestly wouldn't have let my ex/his wife into my home, nor would I presume permission to enter theirs. Are your stepkids being injured? How much time do they spend with their Dad?

 

[CTU]

What is the name of your state? Ca

Hi my wife's kids have told us horror stories of the conditions they are in when they go with their father.. her kids have even sent us pictures of the conditions but yet every time we go get the kids from him his wife always says "next time" which needs her happens.. what can we do?

And you can take several steps back. Not your kids, not your legal matter, and certainly not your place to criticize the other parent of these children.

 

[CdwJava]

While it is legally the wife's matter, the OP does appear to be the husband of the mother. As a result, this IS an issue of concern for him. Only a complete ass would be oblivious and uncaring regarding his spouse's pain and legal issues. So, can we please avoid castigating the OP and seeking to denigrate him to some third class position simply because he is not a party to the Family Court paperwork?

 

[Ohiogal]

While it is legally the wife's matter, the OP does appear to be the husband of the mother. As a result, this IS an issue of concern for him. Only a complete ass would be oblivious and uncaring regarding his spouse's pain and legal issues. So, can we please avoid castigating the OP and seeking to denigrate him to some third class position simply because he is not a party to the Family Court paperwork?

Legally, no. LEGALLY, he has no right to demand anything. That is fact.

 

[cbg]

Regardless of whose issue it is, my husband's ex wants to come into my house and inspect the conditions to see if she approves of them and she gets told to come back with a court order or not at all.

 

[CdwJava]

Legally, no. LEGALLY, he has no right to demand anything. That is fact.

I never said otherwise. Legally. And I don't think anyone else has, either. But, that does not change the fact that whatever occurs they are engaged in it together ... that's a "we."

There is a nasty habit of regular posters here castigating, insulting, and demeaning step parents and significant others merely because they dare to consider themselves to be partners of their spouse or loved one. [sarcasm] Of all the unmitigated gall! [/sarcasm]

 

[CTU]

I never said otherwise. Legally. And I don't think anyone else has, either. But, that does not change the fact that whatever occurs they are engaged in it together ... that's a "we."

There is a nasty habit of regular posters here castigating, insulting, and demeaning step parents and significant others merely because they dare to consider themselves to be partners of their spouse or loved one. [sarcasm] Of all the unmitigated gall! [/sarcasm]

I do hope you feel better for that.

 

[Just Blue]

I never said otherwise. Legally. And I don't think anyone else has, either. But, that does not change the fact that whatever occurs they are engaged in it together ... that's a "we."

There is a nasty habit of regular posters here castigating, insulting, and demeaning step parents and significant others merely because they dare to consider themselves to be partners of their spouse or loved one. [sarcasm] Of all the unmitigated gall! [/sarcasm]

I nicely told the OP to have his wife join and ask her questions. That way we are dealing with one of the legal parties and are not getting second hand info. I don't understand why you think that is rude.

 

[CdwJava]

It's the regular derision too many here offer to spouses and partners of loved ones with difficulties. The dismissive comments, the relegation to 2nd class citizens or non-entities, of these partners of people who are attempting to aid their loved ones that twists my chain. Some of us have spouses that are either technologically ignorant, inarticulate, or too shy to post online so we would have to do it for them (my wife could never negotiate this environment, and she's a well-educated woman). It's easy enough to say that the party involved has to return to court to make things happen without telling the poster that they are irrelevant or a non-entity which has been a common historic response to many step parents or current partners of people having trouble. Help CAN be provided without demeaning the contributions or efforts of the partners.

 

[stealth2]

I never said otherwise. Legally. And I don't think anyone else has, either. But, that does not change the fact that whatever occurs they are engaged in it together ... that's a "we."

There is a nasty habit of regular posters here castigating, insulting, and demeaning step parents and significant others merely because they dare to consider themselves to be partners of their spouse or loved one. [sarcasm] Of all the unmitigated gall! [/sarcasm]

I generally try to ask politely for the parent to post, simply because (a) the actual party tends to have the required details and (b) their involvement shows an actual investment in whatever issue is at hand. I'll admit that it doesn't always work - some posters do have a way of inadvertently (or not) pushing buttons...