My Wife's Financial Irresponsibility....

[rjhery]

What is the name of your state? California

I have been married for several years now and have come to find that my wife is not financially responsible. She doesn't pay her bills, hides them when they come in the mail, and is receiving calls from creditors several times a day. After figuring out that she had spent $2000 out of our family account for her online business (since she didn't have the money in her business account), I recently opened my own checking account, one that she does not have access to, and closed our joint account in order to protect our family from going broke. She has very little income from her Internet business and is at risk for having her car repossed, her school loans in default, and just in general being in a really bad financial spot. We have been to counselling to discuss it, I have tried to "take ownership" of her bills, but none of these things have worked. She just keeps doing to same things over and over again. Obviously, I love my wife and I have no plans on leaving her, but she can't handle money and is putting MY financial future at risk. I simply want to let her make her own mistakes. If that means getting her car repossessed, then fine. I want her to be responsibile (and liable!) for her own finances.

Am I legally and financially liable for any of the debts that she incurres while we are married? What about the one's she incurred before we were married? If I am liable, is there something I can do to protect myself from the liability (file court papers or whatever)? What can I do to protect myself?

Thanks!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? California

I have been married for several years now and have come to find that my wife is not financially responsible. She doesn't pay her bills, hides them when they come in the mail, and is receiving calls from creditors several times a day. After figuring out that she had spent $2000 out of our family account for her online business (since she didn't have the money in her business account), I recently opened my own checking account, one that she does not have access to, and closed our joint account in order to protect our family from going broke. She has very little income from her Internet business and is at risk for having her car repossed, her school loans in default, and just in general being in a really bad financial spot. We have been to counselling to discuss it, I have tried to "take ownership" of her bills, but none of these things have worked. She just keeps doing to same things over and over again. Obviously, I love my wife and I have no plans on leaving her, but she can't handle money and is putting MY financial future at risk. I simply want to let her make her own mistakes. If that means getting her car repossessed, then fine. I want her to be responsibile (and liable!) for her own finances.

Am I legally and financially liable for any of the debts that she incurres while we are married? What about the one's she incurred before we were married? If I am liable, is there something I can do to protect myself from the liability (file court papers or whatever)? What can I do to protect myself?

Thanks!

You are in a community property state, so yes, you are responsible for any bills that accrue during the marriage. Bills from prior to the marriage are not your responsibility.
Its also possible that your credit could get dinged for her financial irreponsibility, so that is another issue to consider.

Perhaps its time to insist that she get a job with a steady income.

 

[rjhery]

So, if she purchased her car BEFORE we were married AND we never added me to registration, I'm not liable for it? Good. But my credit could still get dinged if it gets repossessed?

I know in California that upon divorce any school loans that were incurred are the financial responsibility of the party that incurred the debt. Do you know if that effects whether or not I am financially responsibe if we are NOT divorced?

Thanks again!

 

[LdiJ]

So, if she purchased her car BEFORE we were married AND we never added me to registration, I'm not liable for it? Good. But my credit could still get dinged if it gets repossessed?

I know in California that upon divorce any school loans that were incurred are the financial responsibility of the party that incurred the debt. Do you know if that effects whether or not I am financially responsibe if we are NOT divorced?

Thanks again!

I am not saying that your credit can technically get "dinged", I am saying that creditors in community property states sometimes don't follow the rules too carefully when going after one spouse for the other spouse's debt. Therefore there is a possiblity that your credit could get dinged. Probably not however for a car or other big ticket item. Its more likely to happen on credit cards or other similar debts where the timing of the debt is murkier.

 

[rjhery]

Okay. Well, that's kind of what I thought. The old "better safe than sorry" approach.

Now, can someone talk to my wife for me?

THANKS!

 

[AHA]

Put the monthly bills on automatic debit directly from your checking account. Whatever other bills, pay them online instead of relying on her to stop hiding bills from you.

 

[rjhery]

I do pay all of my bills on-line. I have many bills that are automatically deducted and don't have a problem with them. But, because most of the bills she owes were "created" BEFORE we were married, I cannot deal with the companies involved. I have tried dealing with several of the collection agencies and simply told them flat out, "She doesn't have any money, I do. If you want to get paid, talk to me and I'll pay you." They just won't do it. I've asked my wife several times to send these companies a letter saying that it's okay to deal with me, but she won't do it. So, it's not like I haven't attempted to just "take control" of the situation. There are literally instances where I can't. She's an adult and if she doesn't want to write a simple letter to the car company saying that it's okay for them to deal with me, then let them repossess her car. I just don't want it to negatively effect my credit or my financial situation. I pay for all the family bills, mortgage, electricity, food, car insurance, etc.

I don't think I'm asking too much of her. Like I said before, she's an adult and she should have to deal with the consequences. Is that unreasonable?

 

[AHA]

I don't think I'm asking too much of her. Like I said before, she's an adult and she should have to deal with the consequences. Is that unreasonable?

No, it's not unreasonable, since she is an adult and should know better. But you shouldn't have to risk your credit because of her, so keep paying all the bills incurred during the marriage, and let her suffer for her bills before the marriage.
Have you tried writing the letters yourself and just ask her to sign them in front of you before you mail them off?

I would seriously re-consider the whole marriage thing with someone so financially dangerous for the future finances for the family, but that's your choice.

 

[fairisfair]

Okay. Well, that's kind of what I thought. The old "better safe than sorry" approach.

Now, can someone talk to my wife for me?

THANKS!

Oprah has been talking to alot of overspenders on her show lately!! or maybe that is just on the late night rerun version!!

 

[rjhery]

Well, that's the rub. She doesn'r REALLY spend A LOT of money. The $2K she spent on business expenses were over 6 months. She'd spend $100 there or $50 there on things that were business related when that was the one thing I told her she couldn't do if she quit her job, and started her own business. Her business would have to be self-sustaining. I kept talking to her about not doing it again, then she'd spend another $50 here and there. I probably let it go on too long, but one tends to believe their spouses are telling the truth when they say they won't do it again. And she doesn't spend a lot on clothes or other things. It's just that if she's not bringing in enough money to cover the amount she's spending, she shouldn't be doing it. She evidentqlly doesn't agree, or is a pathelogical liar, so I had to protect myself.

It's obvious I will have to "draw the line" somewhere. I've cut her off from MY money, so she can't spend any more, but if she ever gets a credit card (she gets 3 or 4 applications in the mail every day), she'll have to make some tough decisions about our marriage.

I actually do plan on talking to her about it tomorrow. I'll let you know if I have to post in the "divorce" section.

 

[fairisfair]

well, I guess the word overspender wasn't necessarily correct. Some of these people just went gaga with the credit cards, others had gone to a one person income, but kept the two person standard of living, others had draining businesses. Lots of different scenarios.

Your wife needs counseling, both to learn to face reality and to find out why money is such an issue for her. You may have some very tough decisions ahead of you, can you imagine living like this . . . . until death do you part??

 

[rjhery]

No I can't.

 

[rjhery]

Just a follow up. I did talk to the Mrs. and she agreed that she has not been doing everything she needs to do and that she will take the necessary steps to make sure she doesn't ruin us financially (I.E. let me do everything). Oh, and earn more money too. Thanks everyone. You all gave me the push I needed to get the ball rolling.