N.J. mom preparing for the judge

[Naturalmom]

I have been reading and commenting on of the posts if it has directly affected my situation. What I want to know is
1) my ex (never married to him nor lived together) is saying he quit a job he worked for three days that had benefits etc. working evenings full time quits then he states after reciving notice about child support he quits his full time day job that often is like a part time job now states he is not going to work at all till things are settled which won't be for a few more weeks when the judge decides after hearing all the evidence and such and decides on evalution or just making a call himself I quess. He has now stopped any support since he recieved notice though we had an aggrement and checks to prove it. Th money is not the issue I take care of her and I just fine whether he contributes of not.
2) also since he has never lived with us nor taken any of the responsiblilty of our child ( I provide medical,clothes food daycare expense etc.) he is demanding 50 % living time with him and he is going through the motions buying things so he claims to have her 50% and especially since he figures no child suppport He cannot provide her with her own room so that means in his room with him his father lives with him it is a three room house two of which are bedroosm the third is combo kitchen dinning area.
3) thier is a drinking problem prescrition drug problem,porno illegal drugs by the poeple who he associtaes with and in his family the first two are solely his. NOt the best choice for a resposible parent Continually tries to work the system if you know what I mean lies like a rug constantly harassing me .
4) what I would like to know how would the powers that be even entertain moving her from me especailly since I have had sole custody of her( not on paper yet that is another issue before the courts) he has had vistiation ever other weekend no overnights all day sat. and sun. vist during the week Iam cocerned that this lier might pull something off I realize that he is her father and she should have contact with him especially so she knows him for just who he is But will they even seriously give him somthing even close to waht he demands. I have done everthing I am suppose to to not make waves but this man continually is causing problems and upheavel to my life as well as her and the people who care for her whileIam at work full time to provide for both of us. Where aare my rights I have this bad feeling that seems to not want to go away.

 

[Ambr]

(1) he can not just quit his job and expect that a judge would not see right through that. you need to be able to show that he was employed. where he was employed and a round about figure of what he made. he will have to justify why he quit his jobs. he will have to make it convincing or the judge will order the support of the old amount.

(2) he can't just run out and buy the stuff and convince a judge that he has had this all along. it is great if his intentions are right. i can't remember the age of the child off hand - i am sorry it has been a LONG weekend. male or female? if he could say that he has had it forever and he has been doing 50/50 time with you, he stands a chance. now if you can prove that you are paying for child care when you are working and the child is with you when you are not working and he does basic - minimal - visitation with the child. you are okay. let him blow smoke, cause that is all that it sounds like. judges aren't as stupid as everyone wants to believe they are. and they really don't like to be treated as if they are.

(3) is there any documentation of these charges? have police ever been called for domestic situations. are there reports that document his drinking, dwi's, etc? you need proof of all of this - throwing out idle remarks can only hurt you. porno???? who's problem is this one? is it in the home? how involved are they? just viewing - which is their right in their home, or making? selling? producing? does it involve children? again - PROOF? drugs? use? sell? PROOF? you need lots of documentation on this. police reports, hospital reports, witnesses?

(4) the fact that you have been the primary caregiver and you are the "familiar" will definitely help you in court. you are what the child is use to. you are what makes her secure. he would need to prove you unfit to remove the child from you. it is possible that he could convince a judge to award him 50/50. some courts go that way now more than ever. do you know what the courts will be like? if you have the time, sit in one day in the court room. the judge that will hear your case. listen to how he handles cases. what his opinions are. know what he likes when you go in. and do lots of research. gather all the proof that you can if the father's home is not a healthy environment for the child. just be sure not to sling mud. if you can't prove it, you could always tell your lawyer about it and let him decide how much of it to use. but you don't want to make yourself look bad by slinging idle accusations if you have NO PROOF.

 

[Naturalmom]

reply to amber

thank you for your comments. The only proof I have about the drinking is dates and incidents at my house and the days he sleeps out in the parking lot in a motor home at the bars do I need to take pictures or just document. Next the porno his viewing, his own home made of himself, and references in a class room. the drugs have been open discussions infornt of my family so there has been no contact with this person his family member I have been the sole care giver . Can the lawyer ask for recipts of all these "purchases that have been there all along" because he has made many references that he is still shopping for her basics. Next she is 15months .

 

[Ambr]

dates and incidents at your house leave things with your word against his. he could sit there in his sunday best and say that it was not true. there really needs to be proof.

he sleeps in the parking lot in a motor home????? i guess that is a guaranteed way not to get a DWI. the pictures would be a hard thing to do. if you take pictures through windows you are invading their privacy and they can file charges against you. if you take the pictures of his trailer parked on the parking lot, you just have a pic of his trailer. you know what i mean? not to mention that if he catches you, he may be upset about it. i don't know how violent he is, but you don't want to be on the receiving end of any of it.

okay, he makes home movies and watches them. as long as the people in the movies are all of age and as long as he doesn't sit the kids down in front of the tv for a screening, there isn't a whole lot that you can do. i mean, home and personal use is one thing. now if that tape has been reproduced and handed out to anyone then you could have something.

references in a class room? you lost me on that one.

discussions on drugs. you would have your family as witnesses, but to be honest, it would be better if it was someone other than your family. the judge will listen to them, but he may consider that your family would say anything or do anything to help you out. if it wasn't a family member, who has nothing to really gain out of it, it would be better.

you have been the sole caregiver? that is a good thing. you are what the baby is familiar with. you are the security.

the lawyer can ask for receipts from all of the purchases, but if i were the ex. i would inform him that those things were purchases over a year ago and that i had no idea where the receipts were or how much that i paid for them. there are sneaky ways around every question. now if you got lucky and he used his credit card to buy most of the stuff it could be as easy as getting his credit card record. when it details all the purchases you have him. but things (for me at least) have never been that easy.

 

[Naturalmom]

reply to amber

ther is not much hope in the statements you just made how am I truly going to prove what IS GOING ON when it is likemy word against him as well as documenting on paper quite frankly she will be destined to problems if I cannot prove these things are so,,,,

 

[Ambr]

it has been a long time since i got to go to a bar. i think it was right after my divorce. (LORD, I AM GETTING OLD)

is there any chance that you could get witnesses? maybe the barmaid that serves him all the time, the bar tender?

usually a person who has a drinking problem has a history of it somewhere. rather through DWI reports, police reports of any kind. has there every been a fight that broke out at the bar when he was there. was he ever involved. anything???

 

[Naturalmom]

reply to amber

He has been going to the same places that the barmaids are ALL HIS FRIENDS as for aa report he had a dwi over 10 years ago but I have to check because the police officer made a statement to me when I went to file a complaint on record of the nonsense of harrassemnet that the name sounded familiar "did'nt he jsut get a dwi his name sounds familiar" advantages or disadvantages about living in a small town and the same place for 20 years. The neighbors have witnessed the harrassemnt and they will testify the drinking the neighbors know about because they have watched toh antics so I guess I will have to ask them how far are they willing to go.....

 

[Ambr]

proving an abuse case is hard. it takes lots of documentation.

you mention a small town. just curious, do your local newspapers print those reports from the police deparment in them? (i'm from a small town and we do) small towns seem to like to put everybodys business in the street. ours details your name and town that you are from, along with the date, time, and suspicion (i.e., arrested on suspicion of driving while intoxicated). they also listed domestic disturbances, etc. you know small towns, they love to keep it fueled up.

police reports would be a good thing. if the ex received a recent dwi it will take a while to show up in the computers. your best bet would be the police report and the uniform report they submit to the Dept of Revenue with the state. But it will take some time for it to go into the system. If they did pull his license, he should have a temporary drivers permit. at least for a couple of weeks until the revocation hearing. which is another thing that you can check on. court records are public. you could check to see if there has been a revocation hearing or a dwi hearing. if your town is like mine, they aren't computerized. they are in the back filing room in Maybell's office. haha

any neighbors that would be willing to testify of his behavior and antics when he was living there. of course, he could claim that has all changed since he has left and is on his own. so if you could get any new neighbors willing to testify that would be great.

i feel for you. the problem with small towns, they all want to know about it and they like to keep it out in the open and their nose in it, but they don't like being involved.

just be strong and check every little detail.

 

[Naturalmom]

reply to amber

He has never lived with me ever we are in the same neighborhood within a block of each other he has always maintained his residence at his house and I my slf only at my house. The neibhgor are the same and the antics where be fore we got toghter as well as after we have been toghter I will be going down to the police to look furhter into it. Any other thoughts please send them thank you for the time the court dates are comming a the the concern is rising and trying to keep composed.