NCP Moving, now what?

[LifesPeachy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? DE

My daughters father is moving 20 hours away. He hasn't had visitation with her since August 2009. He was ordered therapeutic only and has chosen not to do this. I have heard him say twice now (both at child support a mediation & hearing) that he is going to file to change the therapeutic visitation because he "can't afford it". He abused daughter in August during a summer visit so this is how the visitation came to that.

Anyway, my question is...

With him moving so far away voluntarily, would it be unreasonable to ask the courts to give me sole legal custody? I basically already have sole physical custody. With the distance that he is creating, along with the emotional distance already created, it would be difficult to work with him regarding any legal decisions for our daughter.

What I would really like to see happen is that he give up his parental rights. If this is something he brings up, would the courts allow this? My husband would be more than willing to adopt. I am not sure if this is something the courts grant, however he is creating physical distance as well as the emotional damage that has already been done. Last October he filed to have his child support lowered and it actually went up. He wasn't happy so it went to court (which was yesterday) and he had turned in his letter of resignation with his new job (Yesterday! A useless tactical move on his part) hoping that that income would not longer be included on his child support calculation. Which of course they said they had to include it. This is how I found out he was moving away.

Thank you in advance

PS- I did find this form on the DE Family Court website:
http://courts.delaware.gov/forms/download.aspx?ID=11298
It can't be as simple as just Ex and I filing that form? Can it?

 

[LifesPeachy]

I didnt think to mention before but I highly doubt there is anyway whatsoever that visitation could be changed for his move. It is not even a factor I think to consider..

He abused her, was ordered supervisied and then therapeutic visitation. All of which he has ignored for almost a year now.

His move is his choice. There is no way that the judge would order some sort of visitation schedule for parents who live so far away from eachother (such as extended summer and winter/spring break visits).

He has chosen for almost a year to not rebuild his relationship with his daughter, And now he's moving..

Am I correct in assuming this line of thinking??

 

[milspecgirl]

have you talked to him about adoption? If he realizes that he will no longer have to pay child support.....

You can certainly file for sole legal, but he may in turn file for some sort of visitation supervised by someone where he lives and you may have to send her. We had to do this. Grandparents got approved by the court to supervise and we had to send SD down there. Then, come to find out GP are just letting mom take the child and do whatever with no supervision. May be best to let the sleeping bear sleep. Wait until he files something on visitation.

 

[LifesPeachy]

I havent talk to him about adoption because I dont understand the process. Thats why I included the link to the form I attached in my post:

http://courts.delaware.gov/forms/download.aspx?ID=11298

Can we just file that and its done? Doesnt seem so easy to me. Even if we all agree- will the courts?

His parents are not where he is moving. His wifes is. But the difference is that he now has therapeutic visitation. He chose not to attend his supervised visiation so it was changed to therapeutic. He is also chosing to move so far away. How can the courts put my daughter in danger just to please him? He gets "supervised" visits with his in-laws- which I am sure will be just the same, he will take her as he wants without them involved at all. He is controling and manipulative that way.

I just cant imagine this as a possibility but please reality check me if I'm wrong. All I hear on this board when people want to move is that it is your choice and you must do the work involved in seeing your child..

 

[LifesPeachy]

Any seniors out there able to weigh in?

Is it feasible to get sole legal custody with him moving away and basically already having abandoned his visitation order?

 

[LdiJ]

Any seniors out there able to weigh in?

Is it feasible to get sole legal custody with him moving away and basically abandoning his visitation agreement?

In all reality, I suspect that he is basically abandoning your child at this point.
I suspect that you are not going to see any actual child support from him, and that he will make no more effort to have any contact with the child than he has so far.

Therefore, my suggestion is to wait. Wait until he has been gone for a year or two, and then either file for sole custody or file to terminate his parental rights so your husband can adopt.

 

[LifesPeachy]

In all reality, I suspect that he is basically abandoning your child at this point.
I suspect that you are not going to see any actual child support from him, and that he will make no more effort to have any contact with the child than he has so far.

Therefore, my suggestion is to wait. Wait until he has been gone for a year or two, and then either file for sole custody or file to terminate his parental rights so your husband can adopt.

Will the courts terminate his parental rights if he is paying his child support?

He gets medical disability from the AF, apparently seeking 100% disability as well. His medical disability checks are garnished and I am sure that I will continue to receive the support even if he doesn't find a new job.

 

[milspecgirl]

that will be up to the judge, but if he has made no effort to contact the child, then it is a good chance they will, even if he is garnished for CS. However, you will no longer receive any CS.
Let him move, and then sit back and wait.

 

[LifesPeachy]

that will be up to the judge, but if he has made no effort to contact the child, then it is a good chance they will, even if he is garnished for CS. However, you will no longer receive any CS.
Let him move, and then sit back and wait.

Thank you for your advice everyone. I plan to just see what happens.

I have posted in the not so distant past about the possibility of my husband and I moving out of state. My husband is looking for work and there is nothing he can do in his field here.

Since Ex is moving, do we still have to write him a letter and in essence "get his permission" to move even though he is voluntarily leaving the state? What if he wants to stop us and keep us here? This would be out of 100% spite.

TIA

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for your advice everyone. I plan to just see what happens.

I have posted in the not so distant past about the possibility of my husband and I moving out of state. My husband is looking for work and there is nothing he can do in his field here.

Since Ex is moving, do we still have to write him a letter and in essence "get his permission" to move even though he is voluntarily leaving the state? What if he wants to stop us and keep us here? This would be out of 100% spite.

TIA

Once he moves 20 hours away, there is no way that he could stop you from moving out of state with the child.

 

[LifesPeachy]

Once he moves 20 hours away, there is no way that he could stop you from moving out of state with the child.

So can we just move and then notify him of our new address or do we go about the process the as if he is still here by sending him a letter *before* we move?

Do we have to file anything with the courts since he'll be gone anyway?

 

[LdiJ]

So can we just move and then notify him of our new address or do we go about the process the as if he is still here by sending him a letter *before* we move?

Do we have to file anything with the courts since he'll be gone anyway?

When do you plan on moving? About the same time that he is going to move or will it be significantly later? If it will be significantly later I again would wait and see what happens with him before you worry about that.

 

[LifesPeachy]

When do you plan on moving? About the same time that he is going to move or will it be significantly later? If it will be significantly later I again would wait and see what happens with him before you worry about that.

It would be after him but I'm not sure how much after him.

 

[LdiJ]

It would be after him but I'm not sure how much after him.

You still need to be more certain that he really has moved before you decide how to handle things.

Like I said, my gut instinct is that you won't ever hear from him again after he moves.