NCP refuses to consent to son's surgery

[armydaddy]

My friend has primary residential custody of her 2 children. She has joint custody so she believes. Earlier this month she took her 4 yr old son to the dr. and she found out that their son needs to have his tonsils taken out,adenoids taken out and ear tubes placed in his ears: along with them clipping his tongue due to him being tongue-tied and having a speech problem.
Ok so here is where she comes into the problem. She has scheduled the surgery for the 10th of May. SHe contacted the father and he claims that since he don't want his son to have the surgery that she can't get it done. WTF???? Is this true? Just because he don't think it is necessary does that mean he can over rule her and the child's doctor?
PLEASE HELP IN FIGURING THIS ONE OUT.

The father only has visitations every other weekend and half of the holidays(WHEN HE SHOWS FOR THOSE) so how can HE alone be the one to decide that their son is to NOT have the surgery because HE does not want it to happen.

 

[stealth2]

If they have joint legal custody, Dad has every right to object to it. In which case, Mom needs a court order allowing the surgery. She might start with taking her decree to a lawyer to make sure she's interpreting it correctly.

 

[armydaddy]

Even though the dr says he NEEDS it. ok here is the deal. The NCP even refused him to go to school. he just seems to think that because they have joint custody that he can force her to do nothing without him even though he lives over a state away.

 

[stealth2]

So then she takes the doc's recommendation to the judge. And no, a 4yo does not NEED to go to "school". There is no state that mandates school attendance at 4. So it's a voluntary thing. Joint custody means he has a say.

 

[Phnx02]

My friend has primary residential custody of her 2 children. She has joint custody so she believes. Earlier this month she took her 4 yr old son to the dr. and she found out that their son needs to have his tonsils taken out,adenoids taken out and ear tubes placed in his ears: along with them clipping his tongue due to him being tongue-tied and having a speech problem.
Ok so here is where she comes into the problem. She has scheduled the surgery for the 10th of May. SHe contacted the father and he claims that since he don't want his son to have the surgery that she can't get it done. WTF???? Is this true? Just because he don't think it is necessary does that mean he can over rule her and the child's doctor?
PLEASE HELP IN FIGURING THIS ONE OUT.

The father only has visitations every other weekend and half of the holidays(WHEN HE SHOWS FOR THOSE) so how can HE alone be the one to decide that their son is to NOT have the surgery because HE does not want it to happen.

If a doctor has suggested the child needs all these things removed/performed, it's probably for good reason. Constant sinus problems, severe cold or flu virus, strep throat, ear infections, or breathing problems. These are all common childhood ailements that can be relieved thru non-invasive surgery. Get a 2nd or 3rd opinion. If all say this is the best course of action to relieve the child's suffering, get it done for your child's sake, without the ex's "pre-approval". Go with the doctor's recommendation if you're comfortable with it. More than likely, if you have 2-3 medical opinions that it's medically necissary, your ex will have to pay his 1/2 whether he agreed or not prior.

 

[snostar]

She has joint custody so she believes.

She NEEDS to read the custody order. The answer to your question is dependent on whether joint custody or sole custody has been ordered.

 

[stealth2]

Most likely, even if she does have JC and a doctor for sure says the kid needs it, a judge isn't going to hold it against her if she goes ahead and has it done. But she should be aware that it would give Dad cause to drag her into court for contempt.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

And would anyone care to tell this poster the REAL answer based on the state in which they live?

 

[nextwife]

ASa parent whose child has had some of these surgeries, I can say that doctors can have differing opinions, and that having ALL of this done does NOT mean another doctor may agree. Especially as to tonsils. Perhaps dad is not entirely against ANY surgery, but had justified reservations about the need for a tonsilectomy?

Perhaps a second opinion is justified in this case.

WE dealt with a top pediatric ENT, and he recommended against tonsilectomy, but for adenboidectomy/ear tubes, which is less severe.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What state has jurisdiction of this child?
In general, most of these conditions do not require sugery and the child grows out of them, with proper treatment, except if the child is tongue tied, that could require sugery. This is a lot of surgery for a child and could be an unnecessary trauma for the child. If this child has speach, communication or developmental problems the child not only needs to be evaluated by another Ped/ENT but also be assessed for developmental disabilities. If this child is sick all the time, this needs to be evaluated as well. If this child is developmentally disabled then early intervention and school may in fact be reccomonded. These issues raise more questions and asking for GAL appointment might help in assessing the child's best interest in these issues.

 

[armydaddy]

Tennessee still holds jurisdiction legally but the CP and children have resided in KY for almost a year now. The main problem as I can see is that they only have medical coverage in KY. The father says IF the surgery is done in TN he would not care. The CP asked him if he would be willing to pay all cost so it could be done in TN and he said he would not pay for a damn thing. SO basically the child is covered medically in KY put NCP is throwing a fit because of location.

There have been a few doctors that have suggested this surgery for the childs health. His tonsils are extremely large and he is a mouth breather. This new dr. stated that there could be a problem with him eating/drinking and trying to breath at the same time (HIS TONSILS ARE JUST THAT BIG). The child was placed in preschool by mother because of his speach impediment. He is going to speech and even those teachers suggested the clipping of the tongue because it is extremely affecting his ability to communicate with others. Even the child has shown signs of frustration because no one can fully understand almost anything he says. As far as the ear tubes go he has failed an hearing exam due to wax build up in his ears and this is because he needs tubes.

So as you can see this IS in fact in the best intrest of the child. I just think that the NCP is trying to make things difficult for the CP. Another thing is that the NCP told the CP that she have the doctor call him. The CP informed him that doctors wont just drop their responsibilities just to call everyone in a patients family to ensure they need a procedure done. The CP offered the NCP the doctors number and name but he refused accepting it and just said that he BETTER call him. The NCP also claims that the CP must send him paperwork each and every time they go to the doctor and accuses mother of causing the child to be tongue-tied due to his belief that she never takes them to the doctor.

**His sister was the same way and she had all the same done to her except for the clipping of the tongue. When this was done father was aware of time and place of surgery and still failed to show or even call and check on the child afterwards.

After looking at the decree; It states that the CP is primary residential parent, They do however share joint decision making as far as things such as education ,Non-emergency health care,religious ubringing and extracurricular activities.
*note: the father never consented to the daughter to have this done but they still allowed the surgery and nothing ever came of it.

 

[nextwife]

THis is a very expensive surgery! If it is not covered in her state,then she SHOULD see about having it done near the father. People travel for surgical procedures all the time. While having the surgery is in the best interests of the child , there is NO logical reason to have it done with NO coverage, when coverage is available. Why has she not researched having it done where covered?

Does SHE realize the thousands of dollars doing this out of network would cost? Why is she insisting that out of network is trhe only way she wants to do this? And if she just goes ahead and hasthis done out of netwrork, she could end up having to pay whatever would have otherwise been covered by insurance.

 

[Whyte Noise]

THis is a very expensive surgery! If it is not covered in her state,then she SHOULD see about having it done near the father. People travel for surgical procedures all the time. While having the surgery is in the best interests of the child , there is NO logical reason to have it done with NO coverage, when coverage is available. Why has she not researched having it done where covered?

Does SHE realize the thousands of dollars doing this out of network would cost? Why is she insisting that out of network is trhe only way she wants to do this?

Nextwife, I think you're confused.

Mom and child live in KY. Insurance will only pay for procedure in KY. Dad says he wouldn't care about the surgery "if" they did it in HIS state (TN). Mom asked dad if he'd pay for the surgery since her insurance wont cover it in TN. Dad said he wouldn't pay a damn thing.

Mom's insurance will only pay in HER state. She isn't the one wanting to go OON, it's dad wanting mom to go OON just to get it done in his state. However, dad doesn't want to pay to have it done, and mom's ins. WON'T pay to have it done out of state.

 

[bononos]

OP-my older son, 7, just had this surgery (ton/ad).
It is certainly best to have at an early age.
I never expected such pain and laid up time.
2 wks. and 10 lbs. lost.
The doc said it has alot to do with age, they like to perform these as early as possible.
It helped him so much though.
He had sleep apnea (sp), his hearing was compromised, and his reading and spelling skills were down due to the hearing.
My walls don't shake anymore from his snoring.
And as you said, the mouth breathing, has become a thing of the past.
Definately get a second opinion and definately get an order from the court.
If your child has similar problems as mine, it is a traumatic experience, but a blessing in the long run to overall behavior, sleep, school.
Stock up on popcicles!
Good Luck!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Definately this child requires independent assessment for developmental disabilities since they have communication problems. CP should contact
Kentucky Council on Developmental Disabilities
100 Fair Oaks Lane, 4E-F
Frankfort, Kentucky 40601
(877) 367-5332
Fax: (502) 564-9826
via e-mail: [email protected]
or [email protected] for assessment and referal to services.

Ear wax can be treated without inserting ear tubes!

Preschool teachers do not make medical examinations or recommodations for tongue clipping!

Enlarged tonsils do become smaller with age. If there is infection or allergry, these can be treated. It sounds like CP may be seeking attention by means of this child who may in fact have problems, but unnecessary surgery will not improve the situation.

Aside from cost, NCP is correct in questioning these proceedures without appropriate assessment.

If upon appropriate second opinions and assessment treatment is required, the child should be able to access appropriate care in KY or referal for care in neighboring TN. Is CP in the military? Tricare? Medicaid?