BeyondFrustrate
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
Joint custody, 3 kids between 6 and 13 in ages.
We've done mediation I think we're on 5 times now. It's not working. We're doing co-parenting ... when he decides to show up. He can't afford the $10 copay, I offered to go somewhere he can get it cheaper but he won't do the work.
I've almost been to trial twice. First lawyer advised me all along to "cooperate" with ex's demands. I did - even though many were outrageous. Second lawyer got me TO trial and then took me aside and said we were on the bottom of the list, could be 2 days before we were seen, cost me thousands - let's make a deal with the ex. Again.
Issues that are documented with the mediators, counselors and CPS: giving the kids hard liquor (one is on serious medication, makes it even worse), shoving his new wife down in front of the kids - she HID my kids at a neighbors house. Thank goodness the ex was willing to tell the truth to the mediator, admitting to domestic violence not just once, but a few times at his house.
He interferes with medical care of the kids - refusing to show up to appointments and then calling doctors and telling them he refuses to allow xyz treatment to occur. He refuses to pay for half of the out of pocket medical care. He's been jobless over a year, in contempt of court several times, they don't care. It's like part of the day "oh gee, you're in contempt again, please behave".
Moved girlfriend into the house without notifying me (and her kids), 7 people in a 2 bedroom apartment, no beds for my kids (i'm not making ANY of this up, it is in black and white in several mediation documents), sleeping on floors and wherever they can find. Year later married. Now another year later, she left him and moved out. Then they decided to date and live separately. Now it's back off again - sure whatever.
After 6 months of co-parenting and again attempts to cooperate with him - we have agreed on a school area and I'm moving there. He has every other long weekend and then one night on opposites. We found public schools there and agreed. Can't find after school care for my 13 year old and the instability at dad's house has nixed him as being the go-to after school.
So I inquired about a private school, figured it wouldn't happen due to cost. Now there is a chance the kids could go there, really nice school. I still don't know for sure BUT the kids have an after school program there and since I'm the only working parent (and likely will be for the remainder of their childhood) this is important to me.
Anyway he heard about this and got paranoid, insisting I was going to enroll them behind his back ... argh. Two discussions and he refuses to allow them to attend because he thinks I should pay him to watch the kids instead. And even though he refuses to pay the daycare, he's telling me I have to get his permission. Problem is, he refuses to agree to ANYTHING that I want, that's crazy!
BTW. He pays me $180 a month TOTAL. I pay for everything else and have agreed to do so because it's not worth the battle.
Mediators say "gosh domestic violence, drinking - how about if he goes through some court classes and then he gets more time, that sound good to you?". No. Well lets try it anyway???
I hate lawyers and I hate family court. What the heck do I do?? I figure if I go back to mediation again - they'll give him more time after hearing he's even more unstable. So far, that's the way it has gone EVERY time.
Yes I document everything. Yes I keep these insane emails where he refuses to cooperate on anything. Yes I can get letters from counselors detailing the crap that goes on in his house. Yes I send him receipts and bill him. Yes I attend coparenting even if he doesn't (I'm not going to ignore court orders even if he does).
I'm terrified of the courts and have spent THOUSANDS of dollars on lawyers. All they do is get paid to drag me behind them making me think they can work miracles and then pulling out the rug at the end. And I hear I'm not alone in this kind of crazy crap in CA. What has happened to common sense??
Now he says he's going to take me back to DCSS to get child support from me. I have the kids 75% or more (he thinks it's 60 but I've got a running tab to prove that wrong), I pay 95% of medical costs and he wants child support from me. Why am I not surprised?
I give up - I bet if he goes, he'll get it. He ignores court orders to pay me, to get a job, to cooperate with counselors and doctors and NO ONE makes him follow through. Forget me - if I tell him the sky is blue he will argue that there is no sky. I actually have given up. I have spent the last 6 months ignoring things because I was in danger of losing my job if the time off didn't stop.
Sorry for the verbal vomiting. This is the short version and there is far more "crazy" than this. Is there any hope in CA??
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California
Joint custody, 3 kids between 6 and 13 in ages.
We've done mediation I think we're on 5 times now. It's not working. We're doing co-parenting ... when he decides to show up. He can't afford the $10 copay, I offered to go somewhere he can get it cheaper but he won't do the work.
I've almost been to trial twice. First lawyer advised me all along to "cooperate" with ex's demands. I did - even though many were outrageous. Second lawyer got me TO trial and then took me aside and said we were on the bottom of the list, could be 2 days before we were seen, cost me thousands - let's make a deal with the ex. Again.
Issues that are documented with the mediators, counselors and CPS: giving the kids hard liquor (one is on serious medication, makes it even worse), shoving his new wife down in front of the kids - she HID my kids at a neighbors house. Thank goodness the ex was willing to tell the truth to the mediator, admitting to domestic violence not just once, but a few times at his house.
He interferes with medical care of the kids - refusing to show up to appointments and then calling doctors and telling them he refuses to allow xyz treatment to occur. He refuses to pay for half of the out of pocket medical care. He's been jobless over a year, in contempt of court several times, they don't care. It's like part of the day "oh gee, you're in contempt again, please behave".
Moved girlfriend into the house without notifying me (and her kids), 7 people in a 2 bedroom apartment, no beds for my kids (i'm not making ANY of this up, it is in black and white in several mediation documents), sleeping on floors and wherever they can find. Year later married. Now another year later, she left him and moved out. Then they decided to date and live separately. Now it's back off again - sure whatever.
After 6 months of co-parenting and again attempts to cooperate with him - we have agreed on a school area and I'm moving there. He has every other long weekend and then one night on opposites. We found public schools there and agreed. Can't find after school care for my 13 year old and the instability at dad's house has nixed him as being the go-to after school.
So I inquired about a private school, figured it wouldn't happen due to cost. Now there is a chance the kids could go there, really nice school. I still don't know for sure BUT the kids have an after school program there and since I'm the only working parent (and likely will be for the remainder of their childhood) this is important to me.
Anyway he heard about this and got paranoid, insisting I was going to enroll them behind his back ... argh. Two discussions and he refuses to allow them to attend because he thinks I should pay him to watch the kids instead. And even though he refuses to pay the daycare, he's telling me I have to get his permission. Problem is, he refuses to agree to ANYTHING that I want, that's crazy!
BTW. He pays me $180 a month TOTAL. I pay for everything else and have agreed to do so because it's not worth the battle.
Mediators say "gosh domestic violence, drinking - how about if he goes through some court classes and then he gets more time, that sound good to you?". No. Well lets try it anyway???
I hate lawyers and I hate family court. What the heck do I do?? I figure if I go back to mediation again - they'll give him more time after hearing he's even more unstable. So far, that's the way it has gone EVERY time.
Yes I document everything. Yes I keep these insane emails where he refuses to cooperate on anything. Yes I can get letters from counselors detailing the crap that goes on in his house. Yes I send him receipts and bill him. Yes I attend coparenting even if he doesn't (I'm not going to ignore court orders even if he does).
I'm terrified of the courts and have spent THOUSANDS of dollars on lawyers. All they do is get paid to drag me behind them making me think they can work miracles and then pulling out the rug at the end. And I hear I'm not alone in this kind of crazy crap in CA. What has happened to common sense??
Now he says he's going to take me back to DCSS to get child support from me. I have the kids 75% or more (he thinks it's 60 but I've got a running tab to prove that wrong), I pay 95% of medical costs and he wants child support from me. Why am I not surprised?
I give up - I bet if he goes, he'll get it. He ignores court orders to pay me, to get a job, to cooperate with counselors and doctors and NO ONE makes him follow through. Forget me - if I tell him the sky is blue he will argue that there is no sky. I actually have given up. I have spent the last 6 months ignoring things because I was in danger of losing my job if the time off didn't stop.
Sorry for the verbal vomiting. This is the short version and there is far more "crazy" than this. Is there any hope in CA??
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California