Need Advice

[Alison47]

What is the name of your state? CT
My 18-year-old daughter attempted suicide the second time.
We found some chats in her email along with other things we did not think much about it then, she discussed in one of the conversations that one of her female teachers from middle school is very helpful to her. We just saw chats between our daughter and the teacher and they are concerned, this teacher is in contact with our daughter for years, and we saw that our daughter started behaving very badly when she was in middle school.
We found there are so many things that my daughter was discussing with her teacher and noticed they were not appropriate at that age such as trying weed, lesbians, and sexuality. She has been a very bad influence on my daughter. My daughter was meeting online with strangers and asking for her advice. She didn't feel she should inform her parents. My daughter was misbehaving with us and using slang when we are talking with her. When our daughter was using credit cards to purchase different things, the teacher told her that if those were gift cards we will not be able to find out what she is purchasing.
How can we take action against her? Can we complain to the school showing them the chat conversion between my daughter and the teacher? Will the cops get involved in this? What is the normal protocol?
We don't want other innocent kids to fall prey to this teacher.

 

[adjusterjack]

Can we complain to the school showing them the chat conversion between my daughter and the teacher?

I'm sure you have the ability to "complain." Go ahead and do it if you think it's the right thing to do.

Will the cops get involved in this?

The answer to that question lies in reporting it to the cops and seeing if they do anything.

We don't want other innocent kids to fall prey to this teacher.

Is that really what you want? Or do you just want her punished for alleging messing up your child? Best that you understand the distinction.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? CT
My 18-year-old daughter attempted suicide the second time.
We found some chats in her email along with other things we did not think much about it then, she discussed in one of the conversations that one of her female teachers from middle school is very helpful to her. We just saw chats between our daughter and the teacher and they are concerned, this teacher is in contact with our daughter for years, and we saw that our daughter started behaving very badly when she was in middle school.
We found there are so many things that my daughter was discussing with her teacher and noticed they were not appropriate at that age such as trying weed, lesbians, and sexuality. She has been a very bad influence on my daughter. My daughter was meeting online with strangers and asking for her advice. She didn't feel she should inform her parents. My daughter was misbehaving with us and using slang when we are talking with her. When our daughter was using credit cards to purchase different things, the teacher told her that if those were gift cards we will not be able to find out what she is purchasing.
How can we take action against her? Can we complain to the school showing them the chat conversion between my daughter and the teacher? Will the cops get involved in this? What is the normal protocol?
We don't want other innocent kids to fall prey to this teacher.

Are you talking about conversations between your daughter and this teacher while your daughter was in middle school, or ongoing conversations that have taken place since then?

If I were in your shoes I would consider running those conversations past a therapist to see if the therapist believes that the actions of the teacher were detrimental to your child when she was a minor. Based on what you have said, I don't think that anyone here could express a valid opinion.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? CT
My 18-year-old daughter attempted suicide the second time.
We found some chats in her email along with other things we did not think much about it then, she discussed in one of the conversations that one of her female teachers from middle school is very helpful to her. We just saw chats between our daughter and the teacher and they are concerned, this teacher is in contact with our daughter for years, and we saw that our daughter started behaving very badly when she was in middle school.
We found there are so many things that my daughter was discussing with her teacher and noticed they were not appropriate at that age such as trying weed, lesbians, and sexuality. She has been a very bad influence on my daughter. My daughter was meeting online with strangers and asking for her advice. She didn't feel she should inform her parents. My daughter was misbehaving with us and using slang when we are talking with her. When our daughter was using credit cards to purchase different things, the teacher told her that if those were gift cards we will not be able to find out what she is purchasing.
How can we take action against her? Can we complain to the school showing them the chat conversion between my daughter and the teacher? Will the cops get involved in this? What is the normal protocol?
We don't want other innocent kids to fall prey to this teacher.

At what age do you think discussing sexuality is appropriate? Is your daughter a lesbian? Why did your daughter attempt suicide for a second time? Don't you think that is the more pressing issue?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? CT
My 18-year-old daughter attempted suicide the second time.
We found some chats in her email along with other things we did not think much about it then, she discussed in one of the conversations that one of her female teachers from middle school is very helpful to her. We just saw chats between our daughter and the teacher and they are concerned, this teacher is in contact with our daughter for years, and we saw that our daughter started behaving very badly when she was in middle school.
We found there are so many things that my daughter was discussing with her teacher and noticed they were not appropriate at that age such as trying weed, lesbians, and sexuality. She has been a very bad influence on my daughter. My daughter was meeting online with strangers and asking for her advice. She didn't feel she should inform her parents. My daughter was misbehaving with us and using slang when we are talking with her. When our daughter was using credit cards to purchase different things, the teacher told her that if those were gift cards we will not be able to find out what she is purchasing.
How can we take action against her? Can we complain to the school showing them the chat conversion between my daughter and the teacher? Will the cops get involved in this? What is the normal protocol?
We don't want other innocent kids to fall prey to this teacher.

Please define "behaving badly" "misbehaving" and also what you mean by "using slang".

Is your daughter seeing a psychiatrist?

How has this teacher been a "bad influence" on your daughter? Don't give me a conclusion...what exactly did the teacher do that was so bad. Because based on your wording of your original post, it seems like the teacher was talking to your daughter about important issues that perhaps daughter didn't feel safe/comfortable discussing with you.

 

[cbg]

I must admit my thoughts are along the same lines as Blue's. We tell teens to talk to a trusted adult about their concerns, and often suggest a teacher.

Admittedly, we don't know the context or the contents of the chats and that can make a lot of difference. But on the basis of what we currently know, I'm not sure condemnation of the teacher out of hand is necessarily appropriate.

 

[stealth2]

Why do I suspect this young woman felt unable to discuss pertinent issues with her parent(s)? Personally speaking, were it MY child who had tried to kill themselves for a *second* time? I'd be a tad more focused on my kid, than a teacher who may/may not have crossed a line.

 

[stealth2]

@Alison47 ... If I might be so bold... Is your daughter lesbian/bi/queer? Assuming so, believe me when I say that it can be a struggle (as a parent) to accept/adjust. Trust me, I know. One of my (adult) children is trans, and it did take time to accept the new reality. But no matter who/how your child loves? She is still your child. Your little one. That has not changed. Unless *you* choose to see her otherwise. I hope you choose to love her, regardless.

 

[not2cleverRed]

My 18-year-old daughter attempted suicide the second time.

Please do whatever you can to ensure that your adult child has easy access to psychological help - real help, with recognized credentials (as opposed to, say, your clergyperson) .

You might additionally consider family counseling.

The reason for getting your child competent help is potentially twofold. A health care provider, even a mental health care provider, can, under some circumstances, provide testimony against an abuser.

I get the impression that English is not your native language. There are certain things you've stated that sound eerily like one of my in-laws. My problem in-law, among other things, shares your views and has a child who is a member of the LGBTQ community. I only know this indirectly, through my child, because my in-law has broken all contact with all in-laws, and disapproves of any of us communicating directly with the adult child.

 

[zddoodah]

Can we complain to the school showing them the chat conversion between my daughter and the teacher?

Of course you can.

Will the cops get involved in this?

We have no way of predicting.

What is the normal protocol?

For what?

How can we take action against her? . . . We don't want other innocent kids to fall prey to this teacher.

If you're talking about suing, you have no standing since your daughter is an adult. Even if you did have standing, no one who doesn't have the details of the conversations could possibly assess this intelligently.

How has this teacher been a "bad influence" on your daughter? Don't give me a conclusion...what exactly did the teacher do that was so bad. Because based on your wording of your original post, it seems like the teacher was talking to your daughter about important issues that perhaps daughter didn't feel safe/comfortable discussing with you.

Concur.