Need Advise

[tiffy]

What is the name of your state?
VA
I am a mother of a four year old daughter. The father and I recently went to court b/c I filed a motion to change his visitation with her b/c I dont feel it is safe for her to go. Her father was recently incarcerated for drug use for five months. Anyway, the judge decided we should go to mediation to see if we could work it out ourselves. I do not want her spending any overnights with him but I know he wont agree to that. Does anyone think that is unreasonable? I was thinking of asking for either every Saturday or Sunday he could get her all day. Please let me know anything you think would help, I have to go the 28th.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Does anyone think that is unreasonable?

Yes and no. Depends on if he was doing time for Using or for selling to children within a school zone.

Please let me know anything you think would help,

Well, offhand maybe a reality check?

 

[BestInterest]

Advice...with a C...like the name of this forum.
Try mediation. If you don't like the outcome, go to court. Drugs and kids don't mix.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What is the name of your state?
VA
I am a mother of a four year old daughter. The father and I recently went to court b/c I filed a motion to change his visitation with her b/c I dont feel it is safe for her to go. Her father was recently incarcerated for drug use for five months. Anyway, the judge decided we should go to mediation to see if we could work it out ourselves. I do not want her spending any overnights with him but I know he wont agree to that. Does anyone think that is unreasonable? I was thinking of asking for either every Saturday or Sunday he could get her all day. Please let me know anything you think would help, I have to go the 28th.

Go to mediation, that will allow you the time to work it out, there is not enough time for such an emotional and complex matter in court, or at least it will get condensed to items for the judge to decide at a later date, it will also allow you an opportunity to work out the ground rules since there was some deception around his not informing you or the court of his incarceration. Since you have safety concerns please consider supervised visitation and drug testing in the medation

 

[BelizeBreeze]

And drug use in and of itself is NOT grounds to withhold visitation or to order Supervised visitation. Besides, what KIND of drug use? Does anyone here know?

That's a big fat NO!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

OP should have continued the previous thread. Here was her post after the hearing, apparently the drug issue was significant, OP had not been able to get details from ex's PO:

So I went to court Friday about the visitation thing and all he did was send us to a mediator. If we can't agree there then I will have to go back on Jan.12. I was so nervous going there but the judge was totally on my side. He told the father that doing drugs while with the child or 24 hrs before the child is to come to his house that it is now considered child abuse and he can terminate all visitation with the child. I am so glad. Thanx for all of everyone's help!!!

Given what the judge said it may be reasonable to ask for supervised visitation and drug testing for a period of time, until there is some demonstration of clean & sober behavior. Also there was an issue of ex transporting the child in a car while under the influence?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

OP should have continued the previous thread. Here was her post after the hearing, apparently the drug issue was significant, OP had not been able to get details from ex's PO:


Given what the judge said it may be reasonable to ask for supervised visitation and drug testing for a period of time, until there is some demonstration of clean & sober behavior. Also there was an issue of ex transporting the child in a car while under the influence?

Then, in this case, Tiffy can kiss my ass. Because she wants to play games and hide the facts she deserves what she got. Which, from this point on, will be nothing from me.

 

[divorcebound]

My X is a drug user. When we went to court, I was requesting supervised visitation for a period of time. The attorney asked who I suggest supervise this visitation, in which I responded that I could not answer that, it would be up to the judge. The judge told my X that if he wanted to use drugs he was in idiote but this is a free country and if he wants to use drugs he could do so but he could order that drugs are not to be used before pup of children or during the visitation with children. He also said that it was not mine, his family or anyone elses responsibility to supervise his visitation, he is a grown man. The judge granted him every other weekend visitation, unsupervised but stimpulated in the papers that if I think for any reason he is on illegal drugs or perscription drugs I can terminate his visitation for that weekend and not be held accountable for contempt in court.

 

[tiffy]

THANK GOD BELIZE WONT BE ADDING HIS TWO CENTS ANYMORE. If we dont settle it in mediation then is the judge going to make the decision on what visitation is? Since being incarcerated he is now being drug tested again. Will anyone be able to tell me if he fails one of the tests?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

If we dont settle it in mediation then is the judge going to make the decision on what visitation is?

That's right. And make sure you lay out all your faults in front of the judge. Like spreading your legs and having a child with this guy then presenting yourself as some vestal virgin who can't do wrong.

I love a reformed skank. Too bad they can't wash off the smell.

 

[tiffy]

I'm not saying I havent done wrong but nothing that will put my daughters life in danger. And if you arent gonna have anything helpful to say dont even bother b/c you are just making yourself look like an idoit.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I'm not saying I havent done wrong but nothing that will put my daughters life in danger. And if you arent gonna have anything helpful to say dont even bother b/c you are just making yourself look like an idoit.

It's spelled IDIOT skank

 

[Journee]

Tiffy

I went through a similiar situation in Kansas. My son's father was a drug user and I went into court thinking that there was no way he would get unsupervised visitation due to that fact. Boy was I wrong. Even though he stood up in court and admitted that he smoked weed everyday, he still got unsupervised visitation every weekend and on Wednesdays for a couple of hours. We were also sent to mediation after the judge's ruling. It was there that I pressured the drug issue so much, the mediator finally did drug tests. I was done in less than three minutes because I have never been high in my life. He, on the other hand, hung around for two hours saying he could not urinate until the courthouse closed for the day. He was given strict instructions to come back the next day to do the test. He never showed. So his actions proved my concerns better than I could have ever done!
But you have what I did not have. Take those papers stating why he was arrested with you, to mediation, to court, whereever. Hopefully some will listen. I know that some think weed isnt so as bad as a drug as the others but to me a drug is a drug. If was ok, it would be legal.
Good luck to you and your daughter,
Journee

 

[tiffy]

Thanks a lot for the info.