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need advise
- Thread starter busybee04
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I agree, it depends on the child. My daughter is nine and on days that she doesn't have school she is home for 9 hours by herself and she is fine (bored but fine). She is able to make her breakfast and lunch without using the stove or microwave and plays with her toys/games and watches tv. She has access to me through the telephone. She has done this for two years now. I think if the child is comfortable being alone at home and are safe and fed then they are not being neglected.
There are 2 issues in this situation. One is what OH law states re; children being alone and at what age. The second issue is the maturity level of the child. ie; my oldest child, when 8 years old, couldn't be left alone for more than 15 minutes let alone an hour or more. (due to ADHD- heavy on the 'H'busybee04 said:
) My youngest however, shows much more maturity and common sense.Who is the 8 year old in question? Have you discussed your concern with the parent? Is the child expressing fear or anxiety over being alone during that time period?
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
As far as I know, most states do not have laws specifying an age when the child can be left alone.
I do have to say, I would not leave a 9yo home alone all day. Mine are 11 & 13, and I'll leave them (alone or together) for a few hours at a stretch. But not all day.
I do have to say, I would not leave a 9yo home alone all day. Mine are 11 & 13, and I'll leave them (alone or together) for a few hours at a stretch. But not all day.
My daughter is very responsible. There are other circumstances that allow me to be comfortable with this decision as well, such as the neighborhood we live in (most neighbors are retired and are home), the fact that her aunt lives behind us and is home all day as well as the fact that our next door neighbors on both sides are at home mothers. Not to mention I work less than 5 minutes from home=)
However, I completely understand your apprehension and I guess if our circumstances were different, my decision might be as well.
However, I completely understand your apprehension and I guess if our circumstances were different, my decision might be as well.
The 8 yr. old is my step daughter. We have not discussed this with Mom. If we did then Mom would just blow up and not allow visitation. Which is court ordered. In my opinion the child is not mature enough to stay home alone. Just recently she has started taking showers by herself and pouring her own drinks. She still calls me Mommy and needs a lot of attention when she is here. I know how a lot of you feel about Step Mom being called Mom. Sorry. We tried correcting that for a long time. This is how she prefers it. She does call me by name when talking to her Mom. Anyway, when we called this week to work out details for our weekend, because of Mother's Day, the child answered the phone hysterically crying. Apparently Mom was yelling at her about cleaning up her room, child said Mom is always yelling at me. I just don't see how a child that gets that emotionally upset over something so small is going to handle an emergency situation. I have a 10 yr. old and a 9 yr. old. Even though they do excellent in school, take care of their animals, and do their chores, I would still not leave them alone.
Is Dad able to care for the child when the mother is at work and the child is home alone? If so, he can petition the court for Right of First Refusal- and have the child when the mother cannot. Otherwise, has Dad considered paying for an after school program for the child during the hours between when school gets out & the mother returns home?busybee04 said:
Dad would not be able to get her from school. I would not have enough time unless I picked my children up from school and then drove straight to her school. I have asked Mom to pick her up fom school on the Fridays that our our weekend and she said No.With the way gas prices are and a 30 mile drive one way, it would be cheaper to pay for after school care if Mom is not willing to use $2 or $3 a day from the money she gets every month. The child said that there isn't an after school program such as Key Care. What should we do without risking the chance of losing visitation?
abstract99
Senior Member
My suggestio is to look into local park districts. Some offer after school programs and they pick up the child from their school. Also, check with your state laws. I know in AZ once the child reaches the age of 10 you cannot receive CS for Day Care any more bacause the state feels that the child can stay home by theirselves.
justlilolme
Member
First of all, you can not let the fear of losing visitation influence your action or lack of action. If the visitation is court ordered and mom denies the visitation then file for contempt.
Find out the laws for your state. Most states have age guidelines for when a child can LEGALLY be left alone. I think in the state of Missouri it is 11 years old to be left alone or to be allowed to babysit younger SIBLINGS only.
Personally I think that 8 is way too young regardless of how mature or responsible the child seems to be, but find out what the laws of your state think about it to start with.
Find out the laws for your state. Most states have age guidelines for when a child can LEGALLY be left alone. I think in the state of Missouri it is 11 years old to be left alone or to be allowed to babysit younger SIBLINGS only.
Personally I think that 8 is way too young regardless of how mature or responsible the child seems to be, but find out what the laws of your state think about it to start with.
Apparently many disagree on the age. I think that is because of their experience with different children. I think it is ok depending on the circumstances. Of my three, one i would have, the youngest won't be alone til his atleast 18 . It's a difference in kids and circumstances. You know your child better than anyone, and your personal situation. Talk to the child and see how they feel. I have left one of mine alone for small amounts of time, alone at 9. The others, no way.
. It's a difference in kids and circumstances. You know your child better than anyone, and your personal situation. Talk to the child and see how they feel. I have left one of mine alone for small amounts of time, alone at 9. The others, no way.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
I don't think it can be based on one particular situation. You don't know what the lead-up to it was, or any of the factors except for what the child has told you. Children that age - especially girls - can be rather dramatic. I hear "you ALWAYS yell at me", "you ALWAYS take HIS side", "you NEVER let me do XYZ." Yeah, right.busybee04 said:
abstract99
Senior Member
This was one of my sisters favorites. One thing you have to realize, especially with girls coming into their teens and in their teens, is that whether the parents are married or divorced... they will try to apeal to whichever one will let them have their way. You should always be open minded to everything. I think one of the hardest things for me as a divorced dad is to sit down and try to see where mom might be coming with things. People always see things their own way but don't take time to stop and think, "well maybe she is seeing it like this __________ ."busybee04 said:
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