Need answers

[taytertot]

Hi everyone. Im in California. I'm 22 and my sister is 12. I raised her and my sister acknowledges me as the person who raised her not our mother. I'm trying to get custody of my sister, my mother is emotionally and mentally unstable. She has threatened to kill herself to myself and in front of my sister. Currently I live with my mother and her mentally/emotionally abusive and manipulative boyfriend. I'm in the process of moving out of her house and into a place with my fiancee and his son. We both have stable jobs, it would be a stable living environment, and my sister said she would rather live with me. My mother has threatened kicking me out multiple times as well as threatening to take my sister away. There is currently a case against my moms boyfriend from my other sister (19) for something that happened a few years ago, and I never came forward about what happened with me.

What are the odds of me being able to get her? She doesn't feel safe being at my moms. Most nights she sleeps with me because she can't sleep.

Currently, my mom and dad have 50/50 custody of my sister but my dad said he would be willing to sign his rights to me, knowing I would still let him see her because we are in good standings. My dad is not able to care for her at this time as he isn't working.

What paperwork do I get from the courts? Should I get a lawyer? Should I call CPS?

 

[Eekamouse]

Are you saying your 12 year old sister has a baby?

 

[LdiJ]

Hi everyone. Im in California. I'm 22 and my sister is 12. I raised her and my sister acknowledges me as the person who raised her not our mother. I'm trying to get custody of my sister, my mother is emotionally and mentally unstable. She has threatened to kill herself to myself and infant of my sister. Currently I live with my mother and her mentally/emotionally abusive and manipulative boyfriend. I'm in the process of moving out of her house and into a place with my fiancee and his son. We both have stable jobs, it would be a stable living environment, and my sister said she would rather live with me. My mother has threatened kicking me out multiple times as well as threatening to take my sister away. There is currently a case against my moms boyfriend from my other sister (19) for something that happened a few years ago, and I never came forward about what happened with me.

What are the odds of me being able to get her? She doesn't feel safe being at my moms. Most nights she sleeps with me because she can't sleep.

Currently, my mom and dad have 50/50 custody of my sister but my dad said he would be willing to sign his rights to me, knowing I would still let him see her because we are in good standings. My dad is not able to care for her at this time as he isn't working.

What paperwork do I get from the courts? Should I get a lawyer? Should I call CPS?

Your dad can let you use his parenting time. He can pick your sister up for his time and let her stay with you. He cannot however, do anything to help you with custody nor can he officially transfer his custody to you, things don't work that way.

Realistically, you have virtually no chance of getting custody of your sister unless both your mom and your dad were to agree to that.

 

[Ohiogal]

Taytertot: talk to a lawyer in your area. They would be able to evaluate whether you have enough to prove your parents unsuitable/unfit and get custody of your sister.

 

[CdwJava]

Hi everyone. Im in California. I'm 22 and my sister is 12. I raised her and my sister acknowledges me as the person who raised her not our mother. I'm trying to get custody of my sister, my mother is emotionally and mentally unstable. She has threatened to kill herself to myself and infant of my sister.

Is this "infant" the child of your 12 year old sister??!! Or, your 19 year old sister? (hopefully the latter, but still not good.)

Currently I live with my mother and her mentally/emotionally abusive and manipulative boyfriend. I'm in the process of moving out of her house and into a place with my fiancee and his son. We both have stable jobs, it would be a stable living environment, and my sister said she would rather live with me. My mother has threatened kicking me out multiple times as well as threatening to take my sister away. There is currently a case against my moms boyfriend from my other sister (19) for something that happened a few years ago, and I never came forward about what happened with me.

What are the odds of me being able to get her? She doesn't feel safe being at my moms. Most nights she sleeps with me because she can't sleep.

Absent a criminal case against mom and/or her live-in boyfriend, you'll have a tough time wresting custody away. First, a court will have to relinquish mom's rights and that takes good cause. If the police or CPS are not already involved with something serious, your wanting to take custody is simply not going to happen.

Currently, my mom and dad have 50/50 custody of my sister but my dad said he would be willing to sign his rights to me, knowing I would still let him see her because we are in good standings. My dad is not able to care for her at this time as he isn't working.

Again, unless mom LOSES custody through the court, you aren't going to gain it. And even if mom loses it, that's no guarantee that you might get it.

What paperwork do I get from the courts? Should I get a lawyer? Should I call CPS?

Right now, you need to start with hiring an attorney who you can provide all the relevant details and who can evaluate your claims and the strength of any case you have. I suspect you have zero chance at the moment, but, there may be details that were left out here that might be pertinent.

 

[LdiJ]

Is this "infant" the child of your 12 year old sister??!! Or, your 19 year old sister? (hopefully the latter, but still not good.)


Absent a criminal case against mom and/or her live-in boyfriend, you'll have a tough time wresting custody away. First, a court will have to relinquish mom's rights and that takes good cause. If the police or CPS are not already involved with something serious, your wanting to take custody is simply not going to happen.


Again, unless mom LOSES custody through the court, you aren't going to gain it. And even if mom loses it, that's no guarantee that you might get it.


Right now, you need to start with hiring an attorney who you can provide all the relevant details and who can evaluate your claims and the strength of any case you have. I suspect you have zero chance at the moment, but, there may be details that were left out here that might be pertinent.

I have one proviso to add to this already good advice.

I wouldn't hire an attorney just yet. What you want is a consult with an attorney at this point. Yes, you might pay for an hour of their time, but you don't actually want to hire one unless they feel like you have a viable case.

 

[CdwJava]

I have one proviso to add to this already good advice.

I wouldn't hire an attorney just yet. What you want is a consult with an attorney at this point. Yes, you might pay for an hour of their time, but you don't actually want to hire one unless they feel like you have a viable case.

Correct. Good catch. I really should have suggested consult as opposed to hire.

 

[t74]

Your 12 yo sister is old enough to know how to contact authorities if she feels she or another is in danger. If she does not already have a cell phone, get her one. Emphasize it is for emergencies and \not to chit-chat with her friends. An appropriate reason to call 911 would be a suicide threat by mother.

 

[Eekamouse]

Hi everyone. Im in California. I'm 22 and my sister is 12. I raised her and my sister acknowledges me as the person who raised her not our mother. I'm trying to get custody of my sister, my mother is emotionally and mentally unstable. She has threatened to kill herself to myself and infant of my sister. Currently I live with my mother and her mentally/emotionally abusive and manipulative boyfriend. I'm in the process of moving out of her house and into a place with my fiancee and his son. We both have stable jobs, it would be a stable living environment, and my sister said she would rather live with me. My mother has threatened kicking me out multiple times as well as threatening to take my sister away. There is currently a case against my moms boyfriend from my other sister (19) for something that happened a few years ago, and I never came forward about what happened with me.

What are the odds of me being able to get her? She doesn't feel safe being at my moms. Most nights she sleeps with me because she can't sleep.

Currently, my mom and dad have 50/50 custody of my sister but my dad said he would be willing to sign his rights to me, knowing I would still let him see her because we are in good standings. My dad is not able to care for her at this time as he isn't working.

What paperwork do I get from the courts? Should I get a lawyer? Should I call CPS?

You don't even support yourself yet. You live with your mother. You plan to move in with your boyfriend. Is that because you need to share expenses in order to survive? How are you going to be able to support yourself and your 12 year old sister on your own?

 

[hire21618]

Are you saying your 12 year old sister has a baby?

I think she meant to put 'in front of my sister.' I hope anyway.

 

[Just Blue]

I think she meant to put 'in front of my sister.' I hope anyway.

I agree.

 

[Pinkie39]

This is not legal advice, but rather personal advice.

I also grew up in an extremely dysfunctional home. I moved out when I was 21. My husband (then boyfriend), 19 year old sister and I shared an apartment.

My husband and I had been dating for 3 years before moving in together. He and my sister were good friends. And my younger sister and I had always been super close.

So I assumed the three of us living together would be a piece of cake. It wasn't.

Going from dating someone while living with your parents, to living with them is an enormous change. Managing finances and household responsibilities together for the first time, and going from spending a few days together to seeing each other nearly 24/7 (besides work hours of course) is challenging to say the least. Add in a third person, and well, the challenges increase exponentially.

The three of us made it together 2 1/2 years, not without many conflicts, before my sister moved out into her own apartment. My oldest child, my daughter, was born while we lived together (I was 24 by then), and the three of us plus a baby in a two bedroom apartment was too much. My sister and I and my sister and my husband got along so much better again, once she got her own apartment.

Your younger sister is 12. A preteen, soon to be a teen. My kids are 21 and 16. I remember the preteen years well. They're not fun for a lot of parents, for sure. I have lot of young adult nieces and nephews too, and I know their parents would agree also.

Assuming you manage to have your sister come live with you...

Are you prepared to deal with preteen/teen hormones and emotions, while dealing with the responsibilities of your first apartment, and living with your fiancee for the first time?

What happens if your fiancee and your sister end up butting heads often, and you get stuck in the middle? Or he wants her to move out?

What if you become pregnant with your first child while your sister lives with you? Could you handle the responsibility of a newborn and a 12 year old sister?

Believe me, I do understand your desire to help your sister. But I think you have a lot to consider first before you even look into whether getting custody of her is possible.

 

[taytertot]

Are you saying your 12 year old sister has a baby?

No she doesnt. I'm saying I raised her since she was a baby

 

[taytertot]

This is not legal advice, but rather personal advice.

I also grew up in an extremely dysfunctional home. I moved out when I was 21. My husband (then boyfriend), 19 year old sister and I shared an apartment.

My husband and I had been dating for 3 years before moving in together. He and my sister were good friends. And my younger sister and I had always been super close.

So I assumed the three of us living together would be a piece of cake. It wasn't.

Going from dating someone while living with your parents, to living with them is an enormous change. Managing finances and household responsibilities together for the first time, and going from spending a few days together to seeing each other nearly 24/7 (besides work hours of course) is challenging to say the least. Add in a third person, and well, the challenges increase exponentially.

The three of us made it together 2 1/2 years, not without many conflicts, before my sister moved out into her own apartment. My oldest child, my daughter, was born while we lived together (I was 24 by then), and the three of us plus a baby in a two bedroom apartment was too much. My sister and I and my sister and my husband got along so much better again, once she got her own apartment.

Your younger sister is 12. A preteen, soon to be a teen. My kids are 21 and 16. I remember the preteen years well. They're not fun for a lot of parents, for sure. I have lot of young adult nieces and nephews too, and I know their parents would agree also.

Assuming you manage to have your sister come live with you...

Are you prepared to deal with preteen/teen hormones and emotions, while dealing with the responsibilities of your first apartment, and living with your fiancee for the first time?

What happens if your fiancee and your sister end up butting heads often, and you get stuck in the middle? Or he wants her to move out?

What if you become pregnant with your first child while your sister lives with you? Could you handle the responsibility of a newborn and a 12 year old sister?

Believe me, I do understand your desire to help your sister. But I think you have a lot to consider first before you even look into whether getting custody of her is possible.

I totally appreciate the advice. He has a son of his own from the last relationship. His son is 3. We all go out and do stuff. My sister confides in him more than she does me, I dont think they would butt heads. I dont plan on having any kids anytime soon. I'm on the pill (sorry if its TMI) and we are always safe.

I have another sister who currently lives with her bio dad but I've been through the preteen and teenage years with her and alot of my cousins.

But with my 12 year old sister she is pretty quiet. She doesnt talk back, she does her chores and homework. I'm pretty lenient with what she does. We have this sort of mutual understanding where if she wants to go do something with her friends she has to do her chores and stuff first. And shes perfectly okay with it. She has her own schedule and she sticks to it amazingly for a 12 year old.

When my sister, my fiancee's son, my fiancee, and I go out my sister always sits with his son and spoils him with videos and games. She loves him. So if a baby ever did come in play she would be okay with it. I mean shes been pushing me to have kids anyways lol. I tell her not right now but that doesnt stop her

 

[taytertot]

I think she meant to put 'in front of my sister.' I hope anyway.

I did mean in front. Auto correct got me