MrAnderson4004
New member
State: New York
So this is kind of a long one. My soon to be ex and I have been separated for about a year and a half. We live in NY and have a 5 year old son together. We lived together for about 4-5 months initially after separating but we both decided it would be best if I moved out. We've been working out a lot of the final details so we can file for divorce. We've been civil for the majority of it. We never had an actual custody order in place. When we separated we just verbally worked out visitation/custody of our son. She has him 3-4 days or I'll have him 3-4 days depending on circumstances, work schedules, etc.
My ex had issues when we were together. Several times when we were dating my ex stated that she had mental health issues. She had on several occasions expressed that she had suicidal thoughts and was depressed. She told me she had been to see a psychiatrist off and on when she was younger and throughout her adolescent years. She told me he had prescribed her some kind of medication but never gave me any real details. I was young and extremely ignorant at the time and blew it off. I remember telling her to just “be happy”. Now that I look back this was definitely a warning sign that I missed. After the birth of our son she slipped into what seemed to me like deep depression because again she expressed that she did not want to live and didn't feel attachment or love for our son. I was frustrated and devastated. But again I ignored the warning signs and figured she would just push though it with my help and support in raising our son. There was a time while we were separated (and I was living at another address) that she sent me a video of her questioning my son. She asked him “Is daddy coming in our house and going through our things while they were not home?”
Fast forward to about a week ago I received a phone call from her father starting that she had dropped my son off with him. She told her father that she had been experiencing suicidal thoughts and felt like people were out to get her. Her father let me know she was going to be hospitalized for a while and that I could pick my son up from his house. Her father said “Her doctor just switched her meds, she's fine.” At this point I had become extremely worried about my son's well being in her custody. I went to family court the next day and filed for temporary emergency custody. I was unable to get a hearing right away and the court told me I might hear something back from them in about a week.
The next day my ex contacted me from an unknown phone number, I was assuming the hospital. She wouldn't tell me exactly what was going on but said she'd be in the hospital for a while. She sounded out of it. She wouldn't disclose where she was or what kind of medical treatment she was receiving. She asked me if I was “talking to” our son's school behind her back. (I wasn't or hadn't ever spoke to the school regarding her at that point in time.) I let her know that I filed for emergency custody. I told her I just wanted to make sure our son was safe. She agreed and asked me about supervised visitation. I told her we need to get in front of the court and they would make a decision based on all the circumstances. At that point she kept saying “I just need to see my son.”
I felt extremely uneasy after that conversation with her. I was worried about her state of mind and my sons safety. The next day I notified the school of the issue. At that point I was worried she might get released, pick him up and he might be in danger and I wouldn't even know. (He's usually dropped off by the bus and myself or her would pick him up depending on the day) I explained everything to the school that was happening and left nothing out. My son's teacher and a school administrator told me they couldn't keep my son if my ex wanted to pick him up but they would call me if my ex tried to pick him up. That same day I received a phone call while I was a work from the school. (My ex had been in the hospital for about 6 days at this point) They said my ex called and was on her way to pick up my son. I left work and rushed to the school to hopefully intervene and pick up my son.
I arrived at the school went inside and checked my son out of school for the day. We went out into the parking lot and my ex was just pulling into the parking lot. Her father had driven her there. At this point my son was in the vehicle and I was about to pull out when they (both her and her father) proceeded to open the doors to my car and attempted to remove my son from my car. I exited the driver seat and first confronted my ex. Her eyes were droopy and she looked like she was heavily medicated. I put my arm between her and the car, closed the door and told her she wasn't in any state to take of our son. She backed off but her father stood on the other side of the car with the passenger rear door open. I walked to the other side and basically told him the same and closed the door. At this point my ex was on the phone calling the police. Her father stated that I was not my son's primary caregiver and that I had to release my son into my ex's care. I told him that it was for a court to decide and my son was in my custody for the time being. He said “Wait until the police get here, your son belongs with his mother. They'll take him from you, you'll see.” I got back in the driver seat and attempted to leave and her father again opened the passenger rear door. I got out again, arguing with him and closed the door. He did this one more time, I kept pushing him out of my car and closed the door. The police arrived and basically told them what I already had, my son was in my custody and they couldn't remove my son from my custody. The officer told her father and my ex that they were not allowed to remove my son from the car and that the police couldn't remove my son from my custody without a court order. The officer explained to my ex that she could file a petition with the court and wait to hear from a judge.
My son has been in my custody ever since, currently going on almost 2 weeks. I have yet to hear or receive anything from the court and neither has she. I have been in contact with her and she has been pleading with me to see our son, agreeing even to supervised visitation. At first she wouldn't disclose any of her medical information or what kind of medication she was taking. I was understanding but told her I needed to know this information to possibly determine on my own if my son's well being would be at risk. She finally broke down and told me they diagnosed her with paranoid schizophrenia, depression & anxiety and she was taking 3 medications for them. She told me her doctors said she was responding well to the medication and was well enough to take of her child.
I am still waiting to hear from the court but facing extreme pressure from her to release my son into her custody or for visitation. She sounds better but I just don't know what to do at this point. I'm a broke single Dad with little extra money to be able to afford a lawyer, so any advice is greatly appreciated.
So this is kind of a long one. My soon to be ex and I have been separated for about a year and a half. We live in NY and have a 5 year old son together. We lived together for about 4-5 months initially after separating but we both decided it would be best if I moved out. We've been working out a lot of the final details so we can file for divorce. We've been civil for the majority of it. We never had an actual custody order in place. When we separated we just verbally worked out visitation/custody of our son. She has him 3-4 days or I'll have him 3-4 days depending on circumstances, work schedules, etc.
My ex had issues when we were together. Several times when we were dating my ex stated that she had mental health issues. She had on several occasions expressed that she had suicidal thoughts and was depressed. She told me she had been to see a psychiatrist off and on when she was younger and throughout her adolescent years. She told me he had prescribed her some kind of medication but never gave me any real details. I was young and extremely ignorant at the time and blew it off. I remember telling her to just “be happy”. Now that I look back this was definitely a warning sign that I missed. After the birth of our son she slipped into what seemed to me like deep depression because again she expressed that she did not want to live and didn't feel attachment or love for our son. I was frustrated and devastated. But again I ignored the warning signs and figured she would just push though it with my help and support in raising our son. There was a time while we were separated (and I was living at another address) that she sent me a video of her questioning my son. She asked him “Is daddy coming in our house and going through our things while they were not home?”
Fast forward to about a week ago I received a phone call from her father starting that she had dropped my son off with him. She told her father that she had been experiencing suicidal thoughts and felt like people were out to get her. Her father let me know she was going to be hospitalized for a while and that I could pick my son up from his house. Her father said “Her doctor just switched her meds, she's fine.” At this point I had become extremely worried about my son's well being in her custody. I went to family court the next day and filed for temporary emergency custody. I was unable to get a hearing right away and the court told me I might hear something back from them in about a week.
The next day my ex contacted me from an unknown phone number, I was assuming the hospital. She wouldn't tell me exactly what was going on but said she'd be in the hospital for a while. She sounded out of it. She wouldn't disclose where she was or what kind of medical treatment she was receiving. She asked me if I was “talking to” our son's school behind her back. (I wasn't or hadn't ever spoke to the school regarding her at that point in time.) I let her know that I filed for emergency custody. I told her I just wanted to make sure our son was safe. She agreed and asked me about supervised visitation. I told her we need to get in front of the court and they would make a decision based on all the circumstances. At that point she kept saying “I just need to see my son.”
I felt extremely uneasy after that conversation with her. I was worried about her state of mind and my sons safety. The next day I notified the school of the issue. At that point I was worried she might get released, pick him up and he might be in danger and I wouldn't even know. (He's usually dropped off by the bus and myself or her would pick him up depending on the day) I explained everything to the school that was happening and left nothing out. My son's teacher and a school administrator told me they couldn't keep my son if my ex wanted to pick him up but they would call me if my ex tried to pick him up. That same day I received a phone call while I was a work from the school. (My ex had been in the hospital for about 6 days at this point) They said my ex called and was on her way to pick up my son. I left work and rushed to the school to hopefully intervene and pick up my son.
I arrived at the school went inside and checked my son out of school for the day. We went out into the parking lot and my ex was just pulling into the parking lot. Her father had driven her there. At this point my son was in the vehicle and I was about to pull out when they (both her and her father) proceeded to open the doors to my car and attempted to remove my son from my car. I exited the driver seat and first confronted my ex. Her eyes were droopy and she looked like she was heavily medicated. I put my arm between her and the car, closed the door and told her she wasn't in any state to take of our son. She backed off but her father stood on the other side of the car with the passenger rear door open. I walked to the other side and basically told him the same and closed the door. At this point my ex was on the phone calling the police. Her father stated that I was not my son's primary caregiver and that I had to release my son into my ex's care. I told him that it was for a court to decide and my son was in my custody for the time being. He said “Wait until the police get here, your son belongs with his mother. They'll take him from you, you'll see.” I got back in the driver seat and attempted to leave and her father again opened the passenger rear door. I got out again, arguing with him and closed the door. He did this one more time, I kept pushing him out of my car and closed the door. The police arrived and basically told them what I already had, my son was in my custody and they couldn't remove my son from my custody. The officer told her father and my ex that they were not allowed to remove my son from the car and that the police couldn't remove my son from my custody without a court order. The officer explained to my ex that she could file a petition with the court and wait to hear from a judge.
My son has been in my custody ever since, currently going on almost 2 weeks. I have yet to hear or receive anything from the court and neither has she. I have been in contact with her and she has been pleading with me to see our son, agreeing even to supervised visitation. At first she wouldn't disclose any of her medical information or what kind of medication she was taking. I was understanding but told her I needed to know this information to possibly determine on my own if my son's well being would be at risk. She finally broke down and told me they diagnosed her with paranoid schizophrenia, depression & anxiety and she was taking 3 medications for them. She told me her doctors said she was responding well to the medication and was well enough to take of her child.
I am still waiting to hear from the court but facing extreme pressure from her to release my son into her custody or for visitation. She sounds better but I just don't know what to do at this point. I'm a broke single Dad with little extra money to be able to afford a lawyer, so any advice is greatly appreciated.
