Need help for dad in detox

[061100]

This takes a bit to explain but it is pretty straight forward. My boyfriend has been trying to recover from a 10 year on/off battle with drugs. Last week he relapsed and used drugs. He used a lot and is now going in to a long- term in-patient chemical dependency program. We need to tell the grandmother of his daughter so they know where he will be for the next couple months. He only has visitation with her on Sunday. The courts knew when they gave him visitation that he has used drugs and alcohol in the past. The daughter's family does not like my boyfriend and I am afraid they will pull his visitation because of this. He has agreed that if they choose to do so he will not fight them because he is in no shape to do so at this time. He loves his daughter but due to the lack of time they have together she thinks of him more like a "cool uncle/cousin" rather than a dad. Should he just sign away rights now or let the daughter's family decide what they want to do first? I will be doing the leg work on this one since he in in the hospital.

 

[angelmummy]

because he has entered treatment for his drug addiction speaks for itself. his daughter's family has no right to terminate visitation. drug addiction/alcoholism is a disease, not a moral deficiency. tell your boyfriend not to make any major decisions for at least a year, so long as he stays clean and sober. time can only tell what kind of relationship with his daughter may develop if he gives life without drugs a chance. good luck and god bless.

 

[Ambr]

the fact that he is seeking help speaks tons for his intentions.

if he loves his daughter and wants to continue to be a part of her life than he doesn't need to give up on his relationship with her.

she may think of him as a cool uncle or cousing at this point - but a time will come when she understands that dad was doing what he needed to do and that he cared enough to keep the contact and to make things better for both of them. rather than - dad had a drug problem and left me.

they may fight things on his visitation. to be honest, if i were the mom, i would have worries about my child going to a long-term in-patient chemical dependency center. we have all seen the cooky tv programs that detail violent outburts, etc at places similiar. they may go for a supervised visitation until he can show that he is capable of being released from the program, etc.

i would fight to keep my visitations if i were him, eventually she will understand things. and i agree with the poster - major decisions, such as signing away his parental rights, should be put on a back shelf for now. she is one of the top reasons for getting clean.

 

[061100]

I know the daughter will not be taken to see her father while he is in the care facility. The family will just not allow it. They cancel on regular visitation just so he doesn't get all the time he should with her. They are a bunch of messed up people who are training his daughter to not want to have him in her life as a father.

 

[DChristian112]

As far as I know regarding visitation, the daughter's family cannot deny him, if they do, they can be taken to court for various things. Awarding attorney fees, contemp sanctions, and a revisal of visitation that may not be what they want.
That is what I am aware of throught the state of Minnesota, under Mn.Stat. 518.75
You and your boyfriend could always go back into court and ask the courts to order that the daughter's family transport the child to the facility where he will be at. In many cases, courts will rule in favor of that, due to certain and specific situations. You may also want him to state that he has been denied visitation on many occurances as well, and the court would probably understand. I do not know all the legalities in this situation, but as far as I have researched, your boyfriend would be awarded compensatory visitation as well, to make up for lost time from the denied visitations.
Check with an attorney, and do what I did, research statutes in your state for more information.
I hope this helps a little bit.
Danielle

 

[061100]

Reply

We would not be able to go to court on any of this untill he is out and about again. That will be in no less than 3 months. After that we are planning to relocate out of state. Not to avoid the daughter or the family but for other reasons. we would like to have an arrangement made so that his daughter can visit us at our new home.

 

[Ambr]

i think they should understand a fresh start. don't know how big of a town that you are from, but most have good memories and labels for everyone. it's hard to try and start over. new town and fresh starts can be very understandable.

be able to show that he has the support that he would need. meetings, counseling, etc. that he is serious with his recovery. be able to show that you will be there to supervise the visitations and to help out. stuff like that.

good luck to you both!

 

[061100]

Reply

We are looking to relocate not so much because of the people in the town but for the fact that drugs are too common in the area. We are looking to go where they are not SO available. I know no place is 100% exempt from drugs but we are in a place where bordering neighborhoods have plenty of everything available. We are also looking for a place that will be able to provide out patient services when he needs them, AA, NA etc....

 

[061100]

Forgot something in my last reply

This is his last time at recovery and last chance with his daughter. If he does not get straight he will not live to see the next Christmas. The doctor who preformed a physical on him in the hospital yesterday told him he has had a mild heart attack and has an enlarged heart and liver. At 28 that really scared him! It would anyone (I hope).

 

[Ambr]

Re: Reply

We are looking to relocate not so much because of the people in the town but for the fact that drugs are too common in the area. We are looking to go where they are not SO available. I know no place is 100% exempt from drugs but we are in a place where bordering neighborhoods have plenty of everything available. We are also looking for a place that will be able to provide out patient services when he needs them, AA, NA etc....

very true and unfortunate. it floors me everytime my 6 year old comes home and tells me about her DARE classes and what they talked about. but the scarier part is that the biggest majority of her class already know about the drugs. they have family and friends who use and sad to say some that use themselves.

and i just love the tv reports and newspaper articles that lay out all of the ingredients and do everything but a step by step cooking instructions. they are more encouraging then anything else.

to think the worse thing that my parents had to worry about was fear that i would smoke a cigarette or drink a beer. these are just as bad, but not as scarey as sniffing a cleaner, smoking pot ot putting meth up your nose. who would put battery acid and cleaning products into your system. am i the only one who has read the outside of those cans that says POISONOUS do not ingest.

not meaning to lecture, just amazed at how things are changing...

 

[061100]

Oh I have too! It kills me to know that the yourt of today is so different than that of mine. I have only been out of school 5 years this year and it kills me to see the way teens act these days. The music, the clothes etc....Where have morals and parents gone to? My parents would have kicked my butt if I listened to Slim Shaddy and would never have bought me these hoochy outfits girls tramp around in these days. I am amazed!

 

[stacyg2]

When I was 10 my father went into a live in drug treatment center, my mother didn't want me to go and visit him there. One of the times my father went to court for the drug charges he brought up the visitation to the judge. Considering the situtation he looked at it and made a judgement for the visitation to continue. For someone that went through it as a child myself I can tell you that when we(my sister and I) visited with him it's not as bad as people may think. They had a special visitation room for the families and we were not exposed to any of the other people there. It was really the best thing for all of us. My father getting to see his children in the condition he was in got him to really get his act together I think faster and us seeing him like that, neither my sister or I have never touched drugs and I truely believe it was because of seeing him in the system, we didn't want to end up like that. We took pictures of him in the detox at 85 lbs, no teeth and the track marks all over his body and I plan on showing them to my son when he gets older(when he's ready and the talk about drugs comes up) so he can see what really happens to a person when on drugs. It was hard to see at the time but I think it was really the best thing for all! Good luck!

[Edited by stacyg2 on 06-01-2001 at 11:27 AM]

 

[061100]

Wow, thanks for that. I would love it if his daughter could see him while he is in treatment. The sad thing is we know the daughters family will use this against my boyfriend. It is really bass ackwords, here is a father wanting to be a part of his childs life and they don't want to let it happen!
Time will tell!