need help w/ father

[newmommy20]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I just spoke to my babys father and he has decided he wants no contact until the baby is born(a month). Do i need to call him? Is he allowed to come see the baby or try to visit him? He is an alcoholic and has been arested for battery i dropped the charges but the police report shows alcohol influence. Im trying to do the right thing and encourage a relationship w/ the baby but im sick of him walkin in and out he wants to be a father on his own terms and i dont think thats right. He says one thing sober and other when he is drunk. its driving me crazy. would it count against me in court if i stop involving him in decisions and dont invite him to our sons birth? how long aprox. would it take for him to get visitation? Should i get a lawyer?

 

[brisgirl825]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I just spoke to my babys father and he has decided he wants no contact until the baby is born(a month). Do i need to call him? Is he allowed to come see the baby or try to visit him? He is an alcoholic and has been arested for battery i dropped the charges but the police report shows alcohol influence. Im trying to do the right thing and encourage a relationship w/ the baby but im sick of him walkin in and out he wants to be a father on his own terms and i dont think thats right. He says one thing sober and other when he is drunk. its driving me crazy. would it count against me in court if i stop involving him in decisions and dont invite him to our sons birth? how long aprox. would it take for him to get visitation? Should i get a lawyer?

No, you don't need to tell him when you are in the hospital. If you do not want him at the hospital, let then the hospital know. They will keep your info confidental and not allow him in the room.
You do not have to allow visits until a court orders you to do so. However it will look better if you try to allow visits even if they are supervised.

 

[newmommy20]

so i can offer to meet him in a public place w/ me present and let him visit and play w/ the baby? if he refuses its on his shoulders is that correct? I just dont want my baby to get hurt but i dont mind supervised visits just so he can get to know his dad. i def. feel he should know his dad young. should i be making a record of his refusals of visits and the rude and inconsistant behavior of him and his parents (he lives w/ them so the baby would be there)
while intoxicated coments like" i hope u miscarry or i dont care if he is my grandson i dont have to like him or care." or will that not have any bearing in visitation

 

[brisgirl825]

so i can offer to meet him in a public place w/ me present and let him visit and play w/ the baby? if he refuses its on his shoulders is that correct? I just dont want my baby to get hurt but i dont mind supervised visits just so he can get to know his dad. i def. feel he should know his dad young. should i be making a record of his refusals of visits and the rude and inconsistant behavior of him and his parents (he lives w/ them so the baby would be there)
while intoxicated coments like" i hope u miscarry or i dont care if he is my grandson i dont have to like him or care." or will that not have any bearing in visitation

He will get visitation. Usually they are shorter, more frequent visits when there is an infant involved. However until there is a CO, you can stipulate the terms on which he sees the child. However it is best to realize that he will never be made to visit, so if you like, you can keep a journal but it's really not going to matter.

 

[newmommy20]

does his alcoholism, inconsistancy, and his familys obvious dislike for the baby warrant some form of supervised visitation? im afraid for the babys safety if his father is under the influence, when hes sober and not around his parents he is trustworthy w/ the baby but intoxicated and w/ his parents obvious dislike of our son i fear for his safety.

 

[brisgirl825]

does his alcoholism, inconsistancy, and his familys obvious dislike for the baby warrant some form of supervised visitation? im afraid for the babys safety if his father is under the influence, when hes sober and not around his parents he is trustworthy w/ the baby but intoxicated and w/ his parents obvious dislike of our son i fear for his safety.

Do you have proof of the alcoholism?

Their dislike of the child will have no bearing.

 

[newmommy20]

what would be considered proof

 

[brisgirl825]

what would be considered proof

Police reports, convictions, involved in treatment programs, etc.

 

[newmommy20]

He is an alcoholic and has been arested for battery i dropped the charges but the police report shows alcohol influence.

 

[brisgirl825]

He is an alcoholic and has been arested for battery i dropped the charges but the police report shows alcohol influence.

You dropped the charges so I don't think that, that will do a whole lot of good. If you felt he was a real danger, you should not have dropped the charges.

I'll let others make a comment as to whether or not that police report will be of any use.

 

[bonkers101]

I knew of a woman in a similar situation. The guy had one arrest for assault or something like that and the courts made him take parenting and anger classes while attending court ordered supervised visitations. The dad had to pay for the visits ($20.00) or something and she would drop the child off for an hour with him.

When I went through my court case in TX both parties had to attend a "Kids in the Middle" class, which is where I met this lady. He was also in the class. THAT was strange and a little frightening cause they did NOT get along.

In order for her ex's visits to turn into unsupervised he had to complete ALL classes. Might be something to try to enforce. If you can come up with proof of the alcoholism, you could perhaps require some sort of AA or something? Talk to an attorney...good luck!

 

[newmommy20]

thank you very much thats exaclty what i want being a first time mom i wouldnt mind going to a class and that kids in the middle thing sounds like a great idea

 

[mehr]

If you're not married to the father then when the baby is born, father is not in the hospital..... he actually has no paternal rights until paternity is established. This could take many months, and if you don't name a father, the baby's father would have to start a case with the state just to establish paternity. Pretty sure... is this correct you other folk? Personally, i wouldn't name him as father. I would allow him to see the child and not cause a big fuss about it, but I wouldn't give him legal paternal rights straight away...

 

[newmommy20]

i kinda feel bad because he is shooting himself in the foot w/ his behavior(he says he wants 50/50 him having physical custody 180 days and alternate holidays) i dont want that at all. im willing to do like christmas eve w/ him and morning w/ me etc.. are there any programs that could be sugested to show him he is not functioning in the best interest of our son? im trying very hard to be nuteral and soley focus on the well being of our baby but he is making it very difficult will a judge pay attention to my efforts?

 

[nextwife]

im willing to do like christmas eve w/ him and morning w/ me etc.. are there any programs that could be sugested to show him he is not functioning in the best interest of our son?

Failing to be "with you" during the pregnancy will have NO bearing on his potential rights to custody. Unless you are able to PROVE he is a danger to the child, once paternity is established, he will have the right to JOINT LEGAL custody and an increasing time schedule as the child gets past infancy. Which will be way more than the schedule you seem to want. Likely EOW, alternate holidays, alternate school breaks, etc.