Need help with my son transitioning

[bmeredith69]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

I live in North Carolina. My son is 14. His mother lives in West Virginia.

I have been divorced from my ex wife since my son was 5 years old. In our divorce papers it only states I had, at the time, a 7 year old daughter and a 5 year old son.

Custody was not discussed anywhere on my divorce paper. My son and daughter have lived with their mom since the divorce. We had decided at the time at was best for them to live with her. I have paid state enforced child support since our divorce was final.

My son is now 14, during his summer visit to my home he decided that he would like to live with me in North Carolina and begin to attend school here. He will be in High School in the ninth grade.

He called his mother and told her his desire to live with me and asked for her permission and she told him no. She also told him that he could not stay with me if she did not agree and that she would take me to court or call the police if he did not come home when I bring home his sister back to West Virgina at the end of their visit.

I have a job, I own my own business. I have been re-married for 8 years. I have three step-children in my home. I have room for my son and I am financially able to support my son.

What legal rights do I have.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[TheGeekess]

14 YO boys do not get a say in where they live. They get to make that decision when they are 18.

Without a substantial change in circumstances in the life of the child, you've shown that you are fine with Mom being custodial parent.

 

[Isis1]

i'm curious. is meridith a first name? or a last name?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

I live in North Carolina. My son is 14. His mother lives in West Virginia.

I have been divorced from my ex wife since my son was 5 years old. In our divorce papers it only states I had, at the time, a 7 year old daughter and a 5 year old son.

Custody was not discussed anywhere on my divorce paper. My son and daughter have lived with their mom since the divorce. We had decided at the time at was best for them to live with her. I have paid state enforced child support since our divorce was final.

My son is now 14, during his summer visit to my home he decided that he would like to live with me in North Carolina and begin to attend school here. He will be in High School in the ninth grade.

He called his mother and told her his desire to live with me and asked for her permission and she told him no. She also told him that he could not stay with me if she did not agree and that she would take me to court or call the police if he did not come home when I bring home his sister back to West Virgina at the end of their visit.

I have a job, I own my own business. I have been re-married for 8 years. I have three step-children in my home. I have room for my son and I am financially able to support my son.

What legal rights do I have.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Has anything changed in your son's life to justify modifying custody?

(Being with Mom for 9 years is going to be a difficult hurdle to overcome without a really good reason)

 

[bmeredith69]

So, if my son has told me that he is tired of some of the things that goes on in his mom's house, like drinking of beer and such, he does not have the right to come and live with me permanently. Me and my ex do not have any form of custody agreement. We originally decided 9 years ago for the kids to live with her since at the time I was single, and working a full time job where I traveled quite a bit.

I now own my own business, and I am home everyday, no more traveling.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Status quo of nine years says that MOM has custody.

Teenagers have been known to exagerate the truth too. Know all about that one.

Children might be able to express an opinion, but they CHOOSE when they are 18.

 

[bmeredith69]

Status quo of nine years says that MOM has custody.

Teenagers have been known to exagerate the truth too. Know all about that one.

Children might be able to express an opinion, but they CHOOSE when they are 18.

So, if my son is saying he will refuse to get in the car to take the trip to West Virgina from North Carolina, and if I do not take him back, and only return his 16 year old sister (who is ok with going back to her moms) I could get in trouble with the law and he would just end up being taken back to West Virgina anyway?

 

[Proserpina]

So, if my son is saying he will refuse to get in the car to take the trip to West Virgina from North Carolina, and if I do not take him back, and only return his 16 year old sister (who is ok with going back to her moms) I could get in trouble with the law and he would just end up being taken back to West Virgina anyway?

Why wouldn't you wait until it goes to court and then act upon the decision?

That way there's no chance whatsoever of being criminally charged or having any other less-than-pleasant complications.

Your son still does not get to refuse to go. You've got to explain to him that it can cause serious trouble for you for doing so.

 

[Proserpina]

So, if my son has told me that he is tired of some of the things that goes on in his mom's house, like drinking of beer and such, he does not have the right to come and live with me permanently. Me and my ex do not have any form of custody agreement. We originally decided 9 years ago for the kids to live with her since at the time I was single, and working a full time job where I traveled quite a bit.

I now own my own business, and I am home everyday, no more traveling.

Pretty much. Mom can drink her beer. It's not illegal.

Would you allow your son to drop out of school because he's tired of some of the things that go on there?

Same principle applies.

 

[bmeredith69]

Thank you for the advice. Although I admit it has not been what I was hoping to hear. My son has been talking off and on over the last two years about wanting to come and live with me. I have just been waiting until he was older so he could be sure of his decision.

He has already been on the phone with his mom earlier this evening, and him and her were both upset by the conversation, his desire not to come back to her house and her desire for him to come back.

I suppose I will sit down with him in the morning and just explain to him that what he is wanting simply cannot be granted until he is 4 years older. It is ironic that by that time he will be leaving to go college or the military and this will all be a mute point. But, I guess, we all just have to live with our decisions that were made in the past. It is too bad that, at 14, he has no say at all.

 

[stealth2]

Thank you for the advice. Although I admit it has not been what I was hoping to hear. My son has been talking off and on over the last two years about wanting to come and live with me. I have just been waiting until he was older so he could be sure of his decision.

He has already been on the phone with his mom earlier this evening, and him and her were both upset by the conversation, his desire not to come back to her house and her desire for him to come back.

I suppose I will sit down with him in the morning and just explain to him that what he is wanting simply cannot be granted until he is 4 years older. It is ironic that by that time he will be leaving to go college or the military and this will all be a mute point. But, I guess, we all just have to live with our decisions that were made in the past. It is too bad that, at 14, he has no say at all.

Again - there are some decisions kids don't get to make. Whether or not to go to school. Whether or not to receive necessary medical care. Where to live. And so on.

What is really too bad is that you allowed him to think he actually had a say. That's your bad. No one else's.

 

[JoLo0808]

consult with an attorney

My husband was told the same thing... that a 14-year old child doesn't have a choice, but his attorney told him that even with the status quo, we can petition for a change of custody based on his son's wishes. Honestly, it varies from state to state and even so much as from judge to judge.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Children may express their wish, but it is up to a judge to decide what is in the best interest of the child. Their wish is NOT the only thing that they look at.

As for this OP, go thru the proper channels. If you don't and mom has to get an attorney and judge involved, you can land up paying ALL the attorney fees, and any other associated fee with this.

 

[Ohiogal]

My husband was told the same thing... that a 14-year old child doesn't have a choice, but his attorney told him that even with the status quo, we can petition for a change of custody based on his son's wishes. Honestly, it varies from state to state and even so much as from judge to judge.

Really? You were told that YOU could petition for custody of your stepchild? BULL. You heard what you wanted to hear. A 14 year old does NOT have a choice. And just because he can petition does not mean OP will win. It also most definitely does not mean that he can just keep junior.

 

[JoLo0808]

sorry - I didn't mean to say "we"... although financially it is a "we" decision... my point was that my husband's attorney said that it is enough to petition, not a guarantee that it will change, but that it is enough to get his case in front of the judge. And you are absolutely correct that it does not mean he can keep his son until the judge's decision is in... that would pretty much be a kiss of death on the custody modification petition.