Need legal help ASAP

[stealth2]

Why dies she know you're going to court? Why do you allow her to listen to the messages he leaves? Those are conscious choices you make that involve her - which needn't be made. My kids don't know when (or even that) I'm going to court. They don't know that I speak with my lawyer regularly. They don't hear the messages their Dad leaves unless they're polite and for the kids. They don't read the email he sends me.

You may not badmouth him directly, but you do seem to have a very passive-aggressive way of doing it. Sorry - just the way I see it.

 

[haiku]

Re: Clarification

The only thing I have told my daughter is that daddy has done a bad thing and he will be punished. I am simply stating the truth.

***why does she have to know this?***

And I do want to instill the values of responsibilty and consequemces for your actions.

***I am sure we all want that for our children-we don't always have to use those close to them for examples***

As much as I didn't want her to see anything , she did.

***Why****

She started questioning me...
"mommy, why are you going to court?"

***Why did yo utell her you were going to court, in the FIRST place?***

"mommy, why does daddy leave those messages with bad words on the answering machine?"

***Knowing you have a volatile relationship, why do you play your messages within earshot of your child?***

He has done this to himself with no help from me, what my daughter sees and hears does not come from me.

***But it does come THROUGH you***

I have never badmouthed her father nor have I put him in a "bad light".

***Yes you did, by using these passive forms***

Whatever my daughter opinions come from are from actions that have come from her father.

*that were not directed at her, so she did not have to know***

She forms her opinions.

 

[maria and mia]

stealth2

I really do appreciate your opinion...thank you....
let me give you a few answers...
I am a single parent and on court dates I need to make other arrangements to take my daughter to school because I need to take public transportation to the courthouse. She overheard a telephone conversation that my mother had with one of our friends and well, she isn't stupid...she figured it out.

As for the messages left on the machine...
she has heard this on it twice....you know how you walk into your house and simply turn on the answering machine and listen to your messages? She was listening with me. Yes, this is partially my fault...I should have never had her listen to messages with me withou me listening to them first. sorry

 

[kat1963]

I think you are full of it. How did she know you were going to court unless she heard it from you? How did she hear the message unless you allowed it? My son didn't learn anything until he was almost an adult. I wasn't going to scar him that way. She is 10, she doesn't know *he did something bad* as in not financially supporting her as compared to *he murdered someone*. She doesn't comprehend adult situations, it is more complicated then the lack of support and you know it.

You know, I went thru a crappy divorce too. It took me a while to figure out that every single time I said something to my son that was derogatory about his DAD, I was saying the same thing about him as he is HALF his father. She is HALF her father....does that mean you hate that half of her too???

KAT

 

[WyattJ]

I think you are full of it. How did she know you were going to court unless she heard it from you? How did she hear the message unless you allowed it?
KAT

I think that is wrong to say about someone when you weren't there to see it. As a CP we all make mistakes. It's hard to not let your child know what is going on when the NCP is constantly smacking his gums at the child. Come on! There are NCP's out there that make it hard for the CP's keep a good thing going with their children. This world is not PERFECT!

 

[stealth2]

Re: stealth2

I am a single parent and on court dates I need to make other arrangements to take my daughter to school because I need to take public transportation to the courthouse. She overheard a telephone conversation that my mother had with one of our friends and well, she isn't stupid...she figured it out.

>> So am I. And I make the arrangements when she's not around. I also make sure my parents, friends, neighbors understand that they are NOT to discuss this while either of the kids are within earshot. If my kids ask why they're going to the neighbors before school, or why grandma's coming over? I have a meeting. That's it.

As for the messages left on the machine...
she has heard this on it twice....you know how you walk into your house and simply turn on the answering machine and listen to your messages? She was listening with me. Yes, this is partially my fault...I should have never had her listen to messages with me withou me listening to them first. sorry

>> Nope, again. I make a point of checking my caller ID before listening to messages. If there's one from their Dad, I listen to it in private before they hear it.

>> Now, do my kids think their Dad walks on water? No, they don't. And their opinion truly IS based on his actions when they are with him. They've been asked by friends and strangers about what Mom says about their Dad. And evey one has expressed astonishment that the kids say that they have never heard a single negative thing from me - to them, or overheard - about their Dad. The worst that they say I've ever said is that Dad and I don't agree on something.

Is that a difficult thing to do? Damn straight it is. But when we got divorced, I swore that I would never do anything that would allow them to say I spoke ill of the man in their presence. So I vent to friends and family when the kids aren't around. And let them truly form their own opinion about their Dad.

 

[stealth2]

I think that is wrong to say about someone when you weren't there to see it. As a CP we all make mistakes. It's hard to not let your child know what is going on when the NCP is constantly smacking his gums at the child. Come on! There are NCP's out there that make it hard for the CP's keep a good thing going with their children. This world is not PERFECT!

Did you read her post above? She admits that the kid has overheard grandma AND the phone messages.

 

[kat1963]

I think that is wrong to say about someone when you weren't there to see it. As a CP we all make mistakes. It's hard to not let your child know what is going on when the NCP is constantly smacking his gums at the child. Come on! There are NCP's out there that make it hard for the CP's keep a good thing going with their children. This world is not PERFECT!

Don’t give me that poor pitty me liberal B.S. The poster has already been caught in her LIES. There is NO TELLING what she has already done to this child. But that’s okay with YOU right, she can dismiss it as being STUPID!!!! It was a MISTAKE, bull****, it was something she did to make the child hate her father & love her more.

That’s right, I wasn’t there. We can ONLY go by what SHE says which is already full of crap that SHE ADMITS TO (being wrong). There are two sides to every story & right now, I for ONE (and I’m sure there are others) who would love to know HIS.

AND IN ADDITION, I WAS (my son is almost 20) a CP who only recieved 18.73 per week in support for 16 years, if he paid AT ALL. Who's father never, ever saw him. So yeah man, I know what the hell I am talking about. I WAS THERE, DONE THAT, PLAYED THAT GAME. And while it wasn't easy, I did it, for MY SON. So that he would feel SECURE and not PLAYED WITH as this POSTER LOVES TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



KAT

 

[WyattJ]

Some people are different on rasing their children. Some children do grow up to be bad, some grow up to be good - not because of what mommy says about daddy...or maybe I am wrong.

(Don’t give me that poor pitty me liberal B.S. The poster has already been caught in her LIES. There is NO TELLING what she has already done to this child. But that’s okay with YOU right, she can dismiss it as being STUPID!!!! It was a MISTAKE, bull****, it was something she did to make the child hate her father & love her more.)

***You couldn't be more wrong. Unlike some people I got to know this women thank you. I know more then you will ever know!

 

[stealth2]

***You couldn't be more wrong. Unlike some people I got to know this women thank you. I know more then you will ever know!

Goody for you. We can only go by what she posts. And what comes across from that is she's a p/a parent.

 

[Exsisto]

Some people are different on rasing their children. Some children do grow up to be bad, some grow up to be good - not because of what mommy says about daddy...or maybe I am wrong.

(Don’t give me that poor pitty me liberal B.S. The poster has already been caught in her LIES. There is NO TELLING what she has already done to this child. But that’s okay with YOU right, she can dismiss it as being STUPID!!!! It was a MISTAKE, bull****, it was something she did to make the child hate her father & love her more.)

***You couldn't be more wrong. Unlike some people I got to know this women thank you. I know more then you will ever know!

Statistics and my own experience both say you are wrong. Three sons, one stays with the mother, two are cohersed to move in with the father. The father is a manipulative lying dipwad. The one child grew up, owns a business with his wife, has a nice truck and owns a house in a very nice extention of our large city and is very polite. I see him periodically as he lives close to me. He dropped by Saturday morning to pick up a CD and to say HI to his little brother. The two drop out of school two years after moving in with the father and have been in and out of trouble with the law since they started living with the father. Who, by the way hides what they have stolen at times and bails these two out every time teaching them what has happened to them in the eyes of the law is wrong.

He is now going after the fourth child. It all starts innocently enough with what mommy is doing is wrong in regards to education, blah blah, sparing details, if you are morbidly curious enough, email me [email protected] I would love any help I can get in order to stop the insanity.

Some grow up good, some bad and it IS environmentally influenced by what parents say about each other to the children as well as other factors. What happens between divorced/separated parents is controllable. What I saw in this situation is partly why I left the father. The control people try to gain over one another through children is sick. That's all we have seen here. I'm happy that you have gotten to know this poster beyond what we see here, have fun, good luck.

 

[WyattJ]

I am sorry for getting out of control but most of you all were jumping all over her because her daughter knows what is going on. Some parents tell their children what is going on and some don't. Why jump on the parents who do.

And like I said before I could be wrong. I have seen children in divorce that turn out to be bad adults but then again the children who see the marriage that should of ended up in divorce turn out bad too, I have also seen children that have divorced parents turn out good. So basically its a wait and see game with our children. Even though parents fight, argue..ect some children come out good of it or bad of it.

 

[Exsisto]

When things go well between divorced/separated parents the children should ALWAYS know IMO. When things go bad, keep them as far away from it as you humanly can. Be responsible, children just aren't equipt with this level of responsibility and it should never be expected nor assumed that they are. Things like what has happened with the original poster's child are well known to be very confusing to a child and it all has to be corrected by one parent being very honest with the child and most times going into more detail about the situation than you originally wanted to and by the time you are done it's going to hurt very much and cause more confusion because they do form their own opinions.

If parents don't get divorced and treat each other just as badly as some who do, their children may and most do grow up at least slightly maladjusted. It's all in the hands, hearts, actions and words of the parents. That's why children aren't born to live on their own. They need teachers. There aren't any bad students, just bad teachers. (yea, I just watched Karate Kid last night with my son....he ate the rest of my candy bar today without asking...pffft). Guess who's working that off with helping around the house after homework instead of using his piggy bank money he's saving to get a new game buying me a candy bar?

 

[WyattJ]

How do you keep them far away from the problems? My ex, his girlfriend, his mother, and countless others in his family voice their opinions about me all the time around my son, and anything else involving our papers.

What do CP's do when a child ask questions because of what they seen or heard?

 

[stealth2]

What do CP's do when a child ask questions because of what they seen or heard?

"Well, you know... Sometimes people say things when they're angry that they really don't mean."

"Different people see the same situations in different ways. You know when you and your sister (or brother) have a fight and you both say the other one started it? You both see the same argument, but you see the way it started differently. It sometimes the same with grownups. Your Dad (or Mom) and I see this situation differently - and I bet you see it a different way from either of us. That can be really confusing sometimes."

"I know it's sometimes hard to understand what's happening, and why Dad (or Mom) or I seem to be mad at the other one. It can be hard for us to understand sometimes, too."

"I know you wish Dad (or Mom) and I didn't fight so much, and we're trying hard not to. Because both of us love you very much and only want the best for you. We don't always agree what that best is, but we're trying to figure it out."

and so on. It honestly is not all that hard.