Need perspective on co-parenting message about child comments and visitation timing

[chiga]

What is the name of your state? - California

I currently have visitation only and try to make the most of the limited time I get with my child.

My child’s mother recently sent me a message saying that he has been making comments about “not being loved,” “zero hearts,” “being punished,” and “being upset,” and asked me to be mindful of how I speak to him. She also said she wants to start picking him up by 6 PM in the future.

From my perspective, I have never said anything negative to him. During visits, I focus on feeding him, playing with him, and positive bonding activities.

I’m trying to understand:

• How would a neutral third party interpret this message?
• Does this sound like a genuine co-parenting concern?
• Is it reasonable to reduce already limited visitation time further?
• How would you respond in a child-focused and conflict-free way?

Looking for honest perspective, especially from people who have gone through co-parenting / visitation issues.

 

[not2cleverRed]

She also said she wants to start picking him up by 6 PM in the future.

What does your court order say? If it says pick up is at 6 PM, then she's doing nothing wrong. However, if it says that pick up is some other time, feel free to politely tell her to pound sand, e.g., "Let's stick with the court ordered time. After all, it's not a court suggestion."

What you have described is not grounds for reducing parenting time.

If you do react directly to her criticisms, take it as a constructive criticism, e.g., "Thank you for informing me of this." And perhaps ask for specific suggestions. You are not legally obligated to follow those suggestions, but showing a willingness to consider her input can't hurt. She might even have some useful ideas.

(If you don't have a court order for visitation, then get one.)

 

[zddoodah]

How would a neutral third party interpret this message?

What message. You paraphrased some things and provided zero context. If you want an assessment of the message, quote it and provide any necessary context.

Does this sound like a genuine co-parenting concern?

For the reasons mentioned above, I have no idea.

Is it reasonable to reduce already limited visitation time further?

Is it reasonable to reduce something unknown by an unknown amount? I have no idea. Why don't you start by telling us exactly what the court's visitation order (assuming one exists) says? It would also be helpful to tell us the following:

- How old is the child?
- Were you married to the mother when the child was born?
- If so, how old was the child when the divorce was filed and finalized?
- If you weren't married, please confirm that your paternity was established and that a visitation order exists.
- Please explain why you only have visitation and don't have joint custody.
- What are the specific details of your visitation (e.g., starts on Friday at 6pm and ends on Sunday at 6pm every other weekend).

How would you respond in a child-focused and conflict-free way?

See above

 

[cbg]

Based solely on your initial post, I am not seeing anything accusatory; simply making you aware of a situation and asking you to follow her lead in handling it.

 

[adjusterjack]

My child’s mother

The phrase suggests that she is an ex-romantic partner and not an ex-wife. If so, there is likely no court ordered custody/visitation.

Correct?

It's also odd that you refer to him as your child instead of your son.

How old is your son?

And it would help to know what your visitation schedule is and what activities you and your son engage in.

Was there any hostility involved in your breakup and subsequent estrangement?

Do you pay child support?

 

[not2cleverRed]

The phrase suggests that she is an ex-romantic partner and not an ex-wife. If so, there is likely no court ordered custody/visitation.

Based on threads from 2024, might be an ex-spouse:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/threads/requesting-a-police-report-for-dvro.663807/

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