NEW JERSEY, BURLINGTON COUNTY
This has been an on going issue for almost a year now so I am only going to breif you the reader on my situation.
prior to my son's birth my ex girlfriend threatened to keep me from ever seeing him. during this time we had a deal it was verbal but it was all that I could get as it was all that she would ever give. We had agreed that I would teach her how to drive, maintain contact provided it did not cause either party stress, I would assist her if necessary in regards to transportation or if necessarily financially. In return she would keep me up to date on all information pertaining to the progression of the pregnancy, alert me within 24 hours of our child's birth, we would then have a DNA test and then seek a lawyer to set up a legal custody agreement.
Needless to say as per our agreement she was able to get her license, I ended up driving her around on several occasions and eventually ended up severing communications because she would selectively be kind to me and then verbally abuse and attack me, also her current boyfriend was causing her too much stress over our communications and I was concerned that she would have a miscarriage.
Our son was born 3-25-2008, she had her first son's father and at the time current boyfriend sign our son's birth certificate. They had a DNA test performed and he was found not to be the other man's son. She finally called me 4-1-2008 at this point I had my son added to my benefits and was allowed to see him twice before she told me of the situation. She then began to attack me once again and forbade me to come to her house.
So as a father I went to our local family court and was met by the socail worker from hell to informed me that I would be required to pay 500 a month (ficticious because of our income levels and legally they cannot do that but that is an entirely different issue) and then forced em to call her in front of him to verify my son's mother's birthdate.
This in return resulted in me alerting her that I had filed in retaliation I had a restraining order placed against me on bogus charges. The result from this was 2.5 months that I had to wait as the initial paternity hearing was pushed back as a result of the restraining order. During this hearing she acknowledged that she was aware I was the father before the other man signed the certificate.
It was also handled improperly by the courts as it was heard by a hearing officer who failed to do anything other than give us a paper that said she had to use my benefits and that I was the child's father but did not grant me any rights to see my son or anything.
I had to file once again to go to court to get a mediation hearing to see my son and wait it out. As a result I was not able to see my son until the end of August or roughly 4 months as of result fo court issues.
When we went into mediation we verbally came to an agreement that was to be transposed to the paper. The agreement between us the parents was that we would in a nut shell have joint legal shared residential custody, however the mediator simply created a document that said for all fields "To be agreed upon by both parents" we then sought to have the birth certificate ammended that day and were told that we could do nothing by vital statistics without a court order that the parternity hearing documents never asked a striking of the COP that was signed.
Recently we went back to solidify benefit coverage, to have the court order issued to strike the initial COP and birth certificate, and to assert the joint legal custody issues that I could not obtain a copy of my son's medical records because his mother would not consent and i was not on the birth certificate.
The issues that weren't approached were the shared residential custody and last name. Upon visiting Vital Statistics we were offered a free last name change as our son is still under a year of age she would not consent and threatened to walk out if i pushed the issue, she was informed that our son's last name would have to follow the same guidelines as of current since she opted to give the child the assumed paternal name it would have to be changed to my last name or "her lastname-my last name" it could not be changed to the mothers last name because she recinded that right in the hospital and would require a court order.
At this point I have several issues that have in my opinion to be addressed
The COP that was reissued is now sitting at her house because of yet another issue that the state facilities made and she doesn't seem to want to have that addressed
My son's last name is still the same as his older brother's reflecting a different man and I do not know how to address this issue without seeming selfish, I was comfortable with the hyphenated last name but her attitude on this issues is that it is her way or no way
she has threatened that if I bring up the issues of formally addressing the custody issue that she will have my parenting time reduced or at least she will attempt too and she is demanding more time (so far empty threats)
Proving mal-intent in the on going matters based upon her behavior. We recieved DNA results in june of 2008 but she would not let me see our son untill 2 weeks before our court date to configure visitation, she acknowledged during the TRO hearing that she was aware that the other man was not our son's father, that she still allowed him to sign the birth certificate and the link to her threatening me with never being able to see our son, the issue of me knowing that she has the COP that was reissued and that she will not allow a last name change unless it is what she wants.
I want what is best for our son at this point and though i do not approve of this situation she doesn't seek to improve the situation not even to mediate unless it is an issue she knows she cannot win on... doesn anyone have any advice that can help me for future court appearences?
