need to appeal child support

[pbc1234]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Okay so I now have a question. I live in Texas, and because the ex wife and I have come to some indifferences now that I have recently remarried, she wants to make me follow the standard possession order. Now because of my work schedule and my wife’s daughters cannot follow the same visitations, I have decided to make modifications to the standard possession orders especially since they have changed to favor the non custodial parent. Once explained to the ex wife of my intentions, my ex wife decided to modify the child support.
So here is the deal with that. Even though I am married I am still living paycheck to paycheck. Yes I make about 4 dollars more an hour than when we originally started the divorce, I still live life in a dire straits. Now we live in apartment complex while my ex lives in a nice 2 bedroom 2 story duplex with a beautiful yard. Now she wanted to keep the house I bought and made sure she was awarded that in the divorce. However she lost that to foreclosure. Now I cannot buy one, especially right now that I am living paycheck to paycheck.
Since her family thinks that I am making more money than she is then I should be able to shell out tons more. When the the divorce was filed she was working as a teachers aid then obtained a job for a private medical transcriptionist and makes allot more now. How much I don't know. When my mother explained to her as to why I was wanting to make the modification she told her, her boyfriends father has 1.9 million and is prepared to help her in any way legally.
Now I only wanted to make the modification to make everything fair down the middle for the both of us when it comes to our child. I work one day a weekend and cannot spend the amount of time I want to with my child. It's only fair. Not only does she live about 38 miles away from where I live, but I have to make every amount of travel to and from to spend the time with my child. I only want us to meet in the middle on every aspect when it comes to my child.
However she has threatened to modify child support in retaliation to my modification to the standard possession order. You would think after 5 years we would be over that sort of thing. Now her family thinks I am ridiculous for not allowing my child to take part in sports activities and what not. I want my child to have every chance at that sort and much more, but to travel to pick her up, come home work and then take her to her function, come back home then only to return her home by 6:00 pm the next day is about 260 miles for one weekend. I am not rich, remember living paycheck to paycheck and that is for normal bills only. Not to mention she makes me wait to pick up my child at 6:00 pm on Fridays when I get off of work 3 hours prior to the pick up. So if you could, after reading all of this crudolla, tell me or give me advise as what to do in this case..

Thanks,
PBC

 

[Proserpina]

OK.

What are the exact terms of your current visitation and cs support orders?

And what exactly do you want to change?

Who created the distance?

(I'm going to offer a bit of unsolicited advice - don't use your current wife's children (the visitation thing you mentioned) as a reason to change custody/visitation/child support)

 

[LdiJ]

OK.

What are the exact terms of your current visitation and cs support orders?

And what exactly do you want to change?

Who created the distance?

(I'm going to offer a bit of unsolicited advice - don't use your current wife's children (the visitation thing you mentioned) as a reason to change custody/visitation/child support)

Ditto, Ditto, Ditto

Dad, you alluded to wanting to split time down the middle. Do you realize how much driving you will have to do to get the child back and forth to school on your days, if you do that? You are already stating that its a problem to take the child to activities on weekends.

 

[pbc1234]

Reply

Okay folks, thanks for responding. The current CSO states the norm for standard visitation, however I have to pick up and drop off at the residence of my child at 6:00 pm on Friday's and on Sunday's. Every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of the month. With only one week during the summer.

The only reason for the modification was the divorce decree is set as joint conservatorship, however I have no say at all what so ever in any aspect of my child’s well being in that decree. Have done some home work on Joint Conservatorship and does state that both parties should have equal say in the child’s life and choices. Everything is decided by the mother including the least of any amount of time allotted to myself. Now all I am asking for is to be included in the decisions, and meet halfway on every aspect of my child. I am not looking to take anything away as the mother is a good mother to my child. Now I work every Saturday at my Job, so I get off of work at 3:30 on Friday evening's, go home and wait till 5:30 to leave and pick up my daughter at 6:00 pm. Go to work on Saturday come home and spend half a day with my child, wake up Sunday go to church and spend the other half of the day with my child before taking my child back home at 6:00 pm on Sunday. So now I am looking at only getting 2 days a month with my child for the most part.

Do you realize how much driving you will have to do to get the child back and forth to school on your days, if you do that? You are already stating that its a problem to take the child to activities on weekends.


If I get the opportunity to take her to school on Monday's, Well its still a part of the commute anyways so really don't have to realize something that already exist. However If I do take her to school on Monday's then it's that tiny part of the evening that I get to spend time with her any way’s, say yaaaay I get that much more time with my child. I don't have a problem with my child partaking activities on weekends, but hey meet me halfway on some part of the commute is all I ask. My wife’s decree which her husband wrote up states "one party will drop off the children and the other part will drop off the children upon return". However like she has stated, they have never ever, ever, had to follow the decree, nor revisit it for any reason, because they are both adults and do what is best for the girls. I couldn't agree more. I have never wanted to follow the standard visitations. However on my weekends to have her she constantly called me at the last min. stating that she made plans for my child on my weekend for parties and block parties and what not which I would have to take her back to he side of town for. That's not right. I only get a limited amount of time with my child as it is. Hence the mother stating "we are going to follow the standard visitations from now on".

I'm going to offer a bit of unsolicited advice - don't use your current wife's children (the visitation thing you mentioned) as a reason to change custody/visitation/child support)

No never used this for any reason. However I wasn't very clear on that aspect either I suppose. I want all kids to be together on the weekends they come over. It builds good family report and character to have them all together. Not to mention, right now when the weekends fall that the girls are not going to be together and I work on Saturdays and my wife works on the Saturdays she is to be here, there will be no one to watch my child and will have to pay $100 for weekend childcare for that one day. My wife works on the weekends she doesn't have her to children. She doesn't have any choice in that matter.

All in all, like I said I never wanted to make the modification to make the mother's life in any way shape or form miserable or take anything away from the mother. Just to afford me the time I should have with my child. I shouldn't have to do this really. It's been 5 years and still I get the divorce thrown in my face constantly, and I consistently have to remind and revert back to "this isn't about us, this is about (our child)", as it should be, but anything I do or say gets retaliation by the constant wielded divorce decree and standard visitation. So the whole premise behind the standard visitation modification is to change it to what the state has for the standard visitation and the new statutes that allow's the NCP to have more allotted time and less stringent black and white 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends Friday through Sunday only changes.

Now I pay my child support on time every time and pay about 590 a month which is considerably a good amount. Because I wanted to modify the CO I get the well I am going to modify CS then and its free for me while you pay a lawyer and more money. Like I stated before I live paycheck to paycheck. I worked a lot of overtime the last three years just to make ends meet and pay my bills. I can't afford another increase. I don't even want to modify if I could just get my ex to allow me more leeway and meet me halfway. Gas is expensive these days. I moved to a part of town that is closer to work as I go to work 5 days a week and need to be closer because the metroplex is very tricky when it comes to traffic and my job is very unforgiving when it comes to being at work on time.

Well thanks for reading..

 

[LdiJ]

Okay folks, thanks for responding. The current CSO states the norm for standard visitation, however I have to pick up and drop off at the residence of my child at 6:00 pm on Friday's and on Sunday's. Every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of the month. With only one week during the summer.

You could definitely get more time during the summer.

The only reason for the modification was the divorce decree is set as joint conservatorship, however I have no say at all what so ever in any aspect of my child’s well being in that decree. Have done some home work on Joint Conservatorship and does state that both parties should have equal say in the child’s life and choices. Everything is decided by the mother including the least of any amount of time allotted to myself. Now all I am asking for is to be included in the decisions, and meet halfway on every aspect of my child. I am not looking to take anything away as the mother is a good mother to my child. Now I work every Saturday at my Job, so I get off of work at 3:30 on Friday evening's, go home and wait till 5:30 to leave and pick up my daughter at 6:00 pm. Go to work on Saturday come home and spend half a day with my child, wake up Sunday go to church and spend the other half of the day with my child before taking my child back home at 6:00 pm on Sunday. So now I am looking at only getting 2 days a month with my child for the most part.

Does mom work? Count up the numbers of days that she gets with the child if you don't think that working days count as days.

Do you realize how much driving you will have to do to get the child back and forth to school on your days, if you do that? You are already stating that its a problem to take the child to activities on weekends.


If I get the opportunity to take her to school on Monday's, Well its still a part of the commute anyways so really don't have to realize something that already exist. However If I do take her to school on Monday's then it's that tiny part of the evening that I get to spend time with her any way’s, say yaaaay I get that much more time with my child. I don't have a problem with my child partaking activities on weekends, but hey meet me halfway on some part of the commute is all I ask. My wife’s decree which her husband wrote up states "one party will drop off the children and the other part will drop off the children upon return". However like she has stated, they have never ever, ever, had to follow the decree, nor revisit it for any reason, because they are both adults and do what is best for the girls. I couldn't agree more. I have never wanted to follow the standard visitations. However on my weekends to have her she constantly called me at the last min. stating that she made plans for my child on my weekend for parties and block parties and what not which I would have to take her back to he side of town for. That's not right. I only get a limited amount of time with my child as it is. Hence the mother stating "we are going to follow the standard visitations from now on".

A court will never order mom to work with you the way that your wife and her ex work with each other. Don't even try to go there because it will not happen. You might possibly be able to keep the child sunday nights on your weekend.

I'm going to offer a bit of unsolicited advice - don't use your current wife's children (the visitation thing you mentioned) as a reason to change custody/visitation/child support)

No never used this for any reason. However I wasn't very clear on that aspect either I suppose. I want all kids to be together on the weekends they come over. It builds good family report and character to have them all together. Not to mention, right now when the weekends fall that the girls are not going to be together and I work on Saturdays and my wife works on the Saturdays she is to be here, there will be no one to watch my child and will have to pay $100 for weekend childcare for that one day. My wife works on the weekends she doesn't have her to children. She doesn't have any choice in that matter.

I can guarantee that you can find a teenager to babysit your child every other Saturday for a whole lot less than $100.00.

All in all, like I said I never wanted to make the modification to make the mother's life in any way shape or form miserable or take anything away from the mother. Just to afford me the time I should have with my child. I shouldn't have to do this really. It's been 5 years and still I get the divorce thrown in my face constantly, and I consistently have to remind and revert back to "this isn't about us, this is about (our child)", as it should be, but anything I do or say gets retaliation by the constant wielded divorce decree and standard visitation. So the whole premise behind the standard visitation modification is to change it to what the state has for the standard visitation and the new statutes that allow's the NCP to have more allotted time and less stringent black and white 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends Friday through Sunday only changes.

I still don't see how you could have more time without running into the same commuting problems you were complaining about before.

Now I pay my child support on time every time and pay about 590 a month which is considerably a good amount. Because I wanted to modify the CO I get the well I am going to modify CS then and its free for me while you pay a lawyer and more money. Like I stated before I live paycheck to paycheck. I worked a lot of overtime the last three years just to make ends meet and pay my bills. I can't afford another increase. I don't even want to modify if I could just get my ex to allow me more leeway and meet me halfway. Gas is expensive these days. I moved to a part of town that is closer to work as I go to work 5 days a week and need to be closer because the metroplex is very tricky when it comes to traffic and my job is very unforgiving when it comes to being at work on time.
Well thanks for reading..

Again, the bolded is contradictory. If you have that problem then getting your child to school on Monday mornings is going to be a problem. Also, why should mom suffer financially because you chose to lower your work commuting costs by moving?

Going into court with contradictory arguments is not going to help your case.

 

[pbc1234]

QUOTE]Does mom work? Count up the numbers of days that she gets with the child if you don't think that working days count as days.
[/QUOTE]

What does that mean?

A court will never order mom to work with you the way that your wife and her ex work with each other. Don't even try to go there because it will not happen. You might possibly be able to keep the child Sunday nights on your weekend.

That would be the whole reason behind the modification really, and yes since the commute clause is included I would think that it can be added. Remember that both parents should work together, and since there is a clause where the judge can make both parents meet at a certain point, I think this too would be an indication.

I can guarantee that you can find a teenager to babysit your child every other Saturday for a whole lot less than $100.00.

Not here you won't. Trust me I have looked.

I still don't see how you could have more time without running into the same commuting problems you were complaining about before.

Not really sure as to what you were referring too. The commute and spending time are two different subjects in the same story.

I moved to a part of town that is closer to work as I go to work 5 days a week and need to be closer because the metroplex is very tricky when it comes to traffic and my job is very unforgiving when it comes to being at work on time.

Again, the bolded is contradictory. If you have that problem then getting your child to school on Monday mornings is going to be a problem. Also, why should mom suffer financially because you chose to lower your work commuting costs by moving?

Going into court with contradictory arguments is not going to help your case.

How is that contradictory? As I said in the reply, I work on Sat. and spend time with my daughter on Sunday, so I would also be off on Monday's as well to take her to school. I wouldn't other wise if I worked as that would not be possible. Also why would you think mom is suffering financially? Mom doesn't suffer financially at all whatsoever. I think the point was missed that I am the one who suffers financially from all the commuting I do. Maybe it's a bit hard to understand, but let me break it down here real quick. If I am having a hard time with gas going to work (which is 20 miles away), and picking up my child twice a month, how so would it be better for me to live closer to my child? Remember the key words in quotes "I work 5 days a week". There that shouldn't be too hard to understand. Also my moving, I have lived here for 5 years. so I am not moving, rather I have lived here in this area since the divorce. There is contradictory story here for the judge, but only fact and figures that which would be brought before him or her.

Remember the premise of this story is for two parents whose ultimate goal here is to compromise and meet in the middle when it comes to the best interest of the child and not cause a burden on one parent or the other. Allegations like "why should the mother suffer" is a one sided opinion that does not seek the interest of the child but rather becoming a rock throwing fest for one side of the party. All I seek here is some common ground so that I can spend time that which the courts granted me, but cannot because of my work schedule and try and give my child a bit of a home to come to like the one she lives in now, with activities here that she deserves all the same

 

[Proserpina]

Remember the premise of this story is for two parents whose ultimate goal here is to compromise and meet in the middle when it comes to the best interest of the child and not cause a burden on one parent or the other.

It would be nice, yes. But that also means both parents need to compromise - and being bluntly honest here - that's not what I'm seeing from you.

It's honestly coming across that you want Mom to do most of the accommodating here.

 

[pbc1234]

It would be nice, yes. But that also means both parents need to compromise - and being bluntly honest here - that's not what I'm seeing from you.

It's honestly coming across that you want Mom to do most of the accommodating here.

I really think that you should take the time to read the whole story and not just the last half of the story. I do all the work here.. I do all the commuting and get the least amount of time with my child.

If you could please, what part of accommodating would you be speaking of really, please explain? Don't just leave a comment and not explain it. Its very vaige really.

Also If I am not compromising then why is it that I just want what the standard possession's are now by state law, and not how they are written up. So really Dogmatique, and yes I am speaking directly to you, what exactly are you reading. And please don't misconstrue anything into your own words, come out with something completely true and factual.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Okay so I now have a question. I live in Texas, and because the ex wife and I have come to some indifferences now that I have recently remarried, she wants to make me follow the standard possession order.

There is nothing wrong with a standard possession order.

Now because of my work schedule and my wife’s daughters cannot follow the same visitations, I have decided to make modifications to the standard possession orders especially since they have changed to favor the non custodial parent.

You want your ex to accommodate the schedules of your new wife's situation with her children. Why are you expecting your ex to accommodate your new family obligations?

Once explained to the ex wife of my intentions, my ex wife decided to modify the child support.

Retaliation is a dirty trick - I don't think anyone will argue that.

So here is the deal with that. Even though I am married I am still living paycheck to paycheck. Yes I make about 4 dollars more an hour than when we originally started the divorce, I still live life in a dire straits. Now we live in apartment complex while my ex lives in a nice 2 bedroom 2 story duplex with a beautiful yard.

And this is also where your daughter lives. You made certain choices, and so did your ex-wife. They live in a duplex and you live in an apartment complex. I'm - truly - not sure why you mentioned this to begin with, but since you did (and I'm genuinely curious), does this make a difference somehow?

Now she wanted to keep the house I bought and made sure she was awarded that in the divorce. However she lost that to foreclosure. Now I cannot buy one, especially right now that I am living paycheck to paycheck.

Were you responsible for the mortgage/other costs after the divorce? Did the foreclosure affect you financially?

Since her family thinks that I am making more money than she is then I should be able to shell out tons more.

The business between your ex and yourself has nothing to do with any of her family members - and you are absolutely justified to be miffed if they are trying to run the show.

When the the divorce was filed she was working as a teachers aid then obtained a job for a private medical transcriptionist and makes allot more now. How much I don't know. When my mother explained to her as to why I was wanting to make the modification she told her, her boyfriends father has 1.9 million and is prepared to help her in any way legally.

Her boyfriend's father has nothing to do with anything either. If he wants to keep his son's girlfriend in Chanel and Manolo Blahniks that's his business - you are still going to be supporting your child and Mom is still allowed to ask for more child support.

Now I only wanted to make the modification to make everything fair down the middle for the both of us when it comes to our child. I work one day a weekend and cannot spend the amount of time I want to with my child. It's only fair. Not only does she live about 38 miles away from where I live, but I have to make every amount of travel to and from to spend the time with my child. I only want us to meet in the middle on every aspect when it comes to my child.

It's not Mom's fault that you moved, and that you work half of the weekend. It's also not her fault that you've created more distance. Should she work with you a little more with this? Sure. It'd be nice. But if she's being asked to accommodate a situation which has absolutely nothing to do with her or - in her eyes - your child it's understandable that she's not entirely thrilled with the idea.

However she has threatened to modify child support in retaliation to my modification to the standard possession order. You would think after 5 years we would be over that sort of thing. Now her family thinks I am ridiculous for not allowing my child to take part in sports activities and what not. I want my child to have every chance at that sort and much more, but to travel to pick her up, come home work and then take her to her function, come back home then only to return her home by 6:00 pm the next day is about 260 miles for one weekend.

You're obviously not happy with the current commute and the time you have with your daughter. But once more, this is a choice you've made. Mom didn't make it.

I do realize we have a different point of view. However the reasons you have given to justify changing the current situation are not - in my opinion - going to convince a court.

None of us however are psychic - nobody can predict how a judge will rule.

 

[pbc1234]

It's not Mom's fault that you moved, and that you work half of the weekend. It's also not her fault that you've created more distance. Should she work with you a little more with this? Sure. It'd be nice. But if she's being asked to accommodate a situation which has absolutely nothing to do with her or - in her eyes - your child it's understandable that she's not entirely thrilled with the idea.

No its not her fault nor is it mine. Once again, this is not about who's fault it is for moving or anything to do with that. It’s about working together for the better needs of the child. I keep emphasizing this fact. It's neither a blaming game nor a placing of fault's here. She is not being asked to accommodate anything, but to accommodate working together for the needs of our daughter. She deserves to spend ample time with her father here. We keep missing that fact by trying to place fault or trying to defend the mother.

You're obviously not happy with the current commute and the time you have with your daughter. But once more, this is a choice you've made. Mom didn't make it.

I do realize we have a different point of view. However the reasons you have given to justify changing the current situation are not - in my opinion - going to convince a court.

None of us however are psychic - nobody can predict how a judge will rule.

No I am not happy with the commute but have been doing it for 5 years now. There was a time when she did meet me a lot, until I recently got remarried is when she started acting vindictively, hence the only reason I have come to the conclusion to modify the standard visitation to that of what the standard visitations read by Texas Law. Once again, it doesn't matter who made the choice, this is about the needs of the child not about the divorce. That is done and over with and should have no bearing nor consequence towards the non custodial parent as that could be construed as parental alienation using that as a tool to the other parent. I have spoken to several attorneys and got good thumbs up on the deal especially from fathers rights lawyers.

Please remember this is about the child and spending ample time with the non custodial parent as the child should. Life changes, people change, and people move and what not. So with the meeting in the middle is just to keep things within fair standards between both parents. I pay my child support and pay my taxes and don't get any relief for that, as the mother gets the child support and all the tax relief at the end of the year. It's not going to seem unfair nor request more accommodation for her to meet me in the middle. It's only what grown adults should do as a part of being parents and working with each other. Please try to remember that when replying.

 

[Proserpina]

No its not her fault nor is it mine. Once again, this is not about who's fault it is for moving or anything to do with that. It’s about working together for the better needs of the child. I keep emphasizing this fact. It's neither a blaming game nor a placing of fault's here. She is not being asked to accommodate anything, but to accommodate working together for the needs of our daughter. She deserves to spend ample time with her father here. We keep missing that fact by trying to place fault or trying to defend the mother.

Yes, we get that you don't think it's important even knowing that many of us having experienced similar situations in which we learned very quickly what may and may not be a factor. I do not believe that you're being told this because it seems like a fun crazy idea on a wet afternoon in the Pacific North West.

The fact remains: you created the distance yet you are expecting Mom to adjust her current status to accommodate your choices.

And it will be considered.

No I am not happy with the commute but have been doing it for 5 years now. There was a time when she did meet me a lot, until I recently got remarried is when she started acting vindictively, hence the only reason I have come to the conclusion to modify the standard visitation to that of what the standard visitations read by Texas Law. Once again, it doesn't matter who made the choice, this is about the needs of the child not about the divorce.

Once again, it does matter - whether you choose to acknowledge that is neither here nor there.

I have spoken to several attorneys and got good thumbs up on the deal especially from fathers rights lawyers.

I find that unlikely but hey - if that's what you've been told, grab it by the horns and run with it.

Good luck.

 

[pbc1234]

The fact remains: you created the distance yet you are expecting Mom to adjust her current status to accommodate your choices.

And it will be considered.

It's not my choice to live where I do, it affordable for me to live where I do. If it were my choice, I would live in Colorado....

 

[Proserpina]

It's not my choice to live where I do, it affordable for me to live where I do. If it were my choice, I would live in Colorado....

LOL you and me both!

But yes, it is a choice - you may not consider it such but legally speaking it is a choice you've made.

(I would also consider Bora Bora should Colorado not be quite up to scratch... )

 

[thinktank03]

Yes Texas law allows that after the child turns three you can ask for every other thursday to sunday/monday. You should and can ask for that unless Mom will agree to something else with you, which I see unlikely per your information. But that is an option. She ask for an increase in support but you can ask for a decrease. SPO allows for 30 days in the summer at this time by law.

What county are you in?

 

[thinktank03]

And teh SPO nowadays says you pick up from mom and mom picks up from you at the end of your visitation. Ask for that too. Yall have Joint so she needs to jointly pick up too!