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NinaLewis

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Ky
I am mother of 2 boys 8 and 11 yrs old.
I was woundering if there was anyway I could have my ex-husbands rights taken away. He doesnt call .I have to let the boys call him and then half the time he doesnt answer. If he does he only talkes to them for about 5 mins a piece. He pays 200.00 a month in childsupport.The past year he had them a total of about 1 and a half month. And I called to see if he wanted to keep them longer before they had to go back to school , he threw and fit and said I done had them a month.And then he had time off from his job this week and he lives in Ohio and he took his new wife and their kids to Evansville In to visit her family. He was 45 min away and he didnt call or come to see his boys or nothing .And when I asked him about it he told me that he had time off so he took his family for a trip to see her family . And to me that was telling me that he doesnt think of the boys as his family so why should he have his fatherly rights if he is not going to use them ?
 


rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
He has a relationship and contact with his children. It is his right to exercise visitation not your right to determine how he spends his time, remember you are no longer married. If you were to terminate parental rights you have to have grounds, so far, you have none. You also need someone to adopt them and responsibility for them and then you will lose that child support. Count yourself lucky he both has his children 1 1/2 months a year and pays child support, many parents here are trying to get that! It really seems as if you are jealous that he has a new wife and making an effort to build a relationship with her children too and in the begining your children may not be a part of that, again, it is not your call.
 

NinaLewis

Junior Member
No I am not jealous. I am just tired of him acting like he dont have kids other than the ones he has with him all the time. I have someone that wants to take on the daddy role in their life. He treats them like they were his one , he has more to do with them then their real father. He says he dont want to take the place of their father but like I told him how can he take over something that is hardly ever there. I just hate seeing my two boys hurt by their father not calling or spending that much time with them. In the divorce papers it says that he is to pay $200.00 a month and get them every other weekend . Is there anything I can do to get atlest that much time for my boys to spend with their father? That is all I am worried about. (the boys spending time with their father)
 

ZILLY

Member
This is the BIGGEST problem pertaining to support and visitation. A NCP parent cannot be forced to see their children, but a CP can be found in contempt if they refuse visitation. If they were so keen on "What is the best interest of the children", they would make it court mandated that both parents honor visitation. Children can go weeks, months, if not years not seeing their children. But when they do call, you best send them over there or they can turn right around and file contempt charges on you. This causes emotional confusion with the children.

These laws are dinosaurs and need to be revamped. But what can one person do?

I'm sorry you cannot do anything to force your ex to see his children. There's is just nothing you can absolutely do, other than modify the visitation with the courts, try to get it reduced. But what's the point in wastign your time on that.

The only way you can have someone adopt is if you are remarried and both parents have to agree with relinquishing rights. Not just one.
 

NinaLewis

Junior Member
Well I mean they have got to where they dont ask about him or talk about him. My oldest got hurt the other day and I had to take him to the ER and when we got back I told him that we needed to call his father to let him know what happened and he said "Why" .They dont even know his voice when they hear it on the phone. And can you tell me how old they have to be before they can say that they dont want to go (their saying it now but I know it wont do no good not to send them ) and that they dont have to go? When they are there they cry to come home because they dont like it there but I tell them that they need to be there with their father to spend time with him .They dont like it because their step-mom says that she will throw them up against the wall or out a window when they act up. And they say she is always putting them down and making fun of them because they are from Ky .Is there anything I can do ???? PLEASE HELP !!!!!! I dont know what to do !!!!
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
NinaLewis said:
Well I mean they have got to where they dont ask about him or talk about him. My oldest got hurt the other day and I had to take him to the ER and when we got back I told him that we needed to call his father to let him know what happened and he said "Why" .They dont even know his voice when they hear it on the phone. And can you tell me how old they have to be before they can say that they dont want to go (their saying it now but I know it wont do no good not to send them ) and that they dont have to go? When they are there they cry to come home because they dont like it there but I tell them that they need to be there with their father to spend time with him .They dont like it because their step-mom says that she will throw them up against the wall or out a window when they act up. And they say she is always putting them down and making fun of them because they are from Ky .Is there anything I can do ???? PLEASE HELP !!!!!! I dont know what to do !!!!
First thing, you DON'T put your children in the middle just to instill your point in their minds and encourage parental alienation.

As CP, it is your responsibility to inform the father of the medical and school issues, not you forcing the children to call their dad and do what you are supposed to do. After you call and inform him, before medical care if it is non urgent or ASAP after if it is an Emergency, such as after registering at the ER while you are waiting, then you may put the child on the line as appropriate or make a call after the medical visit to inform dad and let dad and child talk privately. You should also make visitation something to be enjoyed and also foster communication in the mean time so it isn't you forcing the child into an uncomfortable position or dad backing off so as to avoid interaction with you.
 

NinaLewis

Junior Member
OK, I let him call him to let him know what happened and to let him know that he was ok. I encourage the boys to call their father.But if they dont ask or say anything about calling their father then no I am not going to make them call him.Now if a few weeks go by and they dont say or aks about calling him then yes I will ask if they want to call him.But most of the time they say "no not right now." And the reason I dont call to tell him what happened is because we always end up in an argument about something and I would just rather the boys talk to their father, not me to keep all of that from happening, but if he asks to talk to me then yes I will talk to him . I only have the boys best interest at heart.I love my boys and I hate seeing them hurt . I dont force them to call him if he had said "no I dont want to call him". I would have called him myself to let him know. I still have that much respect for their father to let him know if something happens to one of his boys. And after he asked why I explained to him he need to let his father know what happened and that he was alright so he (father) wouldnt worry.
 

eyemback

Member
ZILLY said:
This is the BIGGEST problem pertaining to support and visitation. A NCP parent cannot be forced to see their children, but a CP can be found in contempt if they refuse visitation. If they were so keen on "What is the best interest of the children", they would make it court mandated that both parents honor visitation.
I disagree with your theory. All the courts "care about" is if the child is financially cared for. It is in the best interest of the child for both parents to be involved in the child's life. Just look at some threads on this forum -- at least one new thread a day pops up where the CP tries their hardest to keep the NCP (dad) out of the picture for whatever selfish reason they have. There are tons of NCP's who are very much involved in their child's life. Do you realize the problems that would exist if the CP's weren't held accountable for refusing visitation? Let me correct that. CP's are barely held accountable until they've repeatedly refused visitation. As screwed up as the child support system is, I look at it as an incentive for the NCP to be as involved as possible with the child's life. If you just want to be a wallet, then fine, you will be. But if you're more involved, then the support is less (or should be). You can't put a price on love.
An NCP, IMO, shouldn't be "mandated" to visit. If you think about it, it's not very beneficial for the child to be visiting with an NCP who's just there because he has to be.

Children can go weeks, months, if not years not seeing their children. But when they do call, you best send them over there or they can turn right around and file contempt charges on you. This causes emotional confusion with the children.

These laws are dinosaurs and need to be revamped. But what can one person do?
They won't change because it's not a popular issue to address. Child support cases are a very, very lucrative piece of each state's budget.

I'm sorry you cannot do anything to force your ex to see his children. There's is just nothing you can absolutely do, other than modify the visitation with the courts, try to get it reduced. But what's the point in wastign your time on that.
The only way you can have someone adopt is if you are remarried and both parents have to agree with relinquishing rights. Not just one.
If the NCP has a history of not taking advantage of their visitation and you can prove it, then file for the modification. Yeah, it takes time, but it's worth it for the child in the long run. Why put them through that disappointment each and every time the NCP doesn't show or cancels?

I do agree with you though...the system is screwed up, but there really isn't much to be done without walking a fine line of violating one's rights to their children.
 

NinaLewis

Junior Member
Believe me they have been through a lot of disappointing times with him not showing up. Me and my ex have been separated for about 7yrs (my youngest had just turned 2) . And out of these 7 yrs my ex has only had them not even a total of 1 full yr. When he got with the woman that is now his wife (1 week after we split) , he had nothing to do with the boys for 8 months and then he showed up wanting to take them with him to Evansville IN (where her mom & dad lives). They even have her ex-husband pick the boys up to bring them up to visit their father when he comes up there to pick up his boy.Can I refuse that and have him come and get them hisself ? I look at it this way he is the one that moved 5 hours away , and that it is up to him to pick up his boys. I have no car. My dad has been helping me by taking me to take them half way when her ex couldnt do it , but he is getting up in age and he isnt going to be able to do it much longer.And I tried explaining this to my ex but he still wants me to either bring them half way or all the way up there to him. Yes I want my boys to visit their father but I think it is up to him to pick them up when he gets them.
 

NinaLewis

Junior Member
Help Please

Can n-e one help me by letting me know about my quetsion about if I am able to refuse my ex on meeting him half way or takine my boys halfway to where he lives?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
NinaLewis said:
Can n-e one help me by letting me know about my quetsion about if I am able to refuse my ex on meeting him half way or takine my boys halfway to where he lives?
Since your ex is the one who moved and created the distance, then its possible that a judge might make him responsible for the transportation, particularly since you don't have a car.
 

NinaLewis

Junior Member
Can n-e one tell me how old my boys have to be before they can deside that they dont want to go to their fathers ? They say they dont want to go now but I know that there is prob nothing I can do right now with them being 9 & 11. But what age do they have to be before they can say that they dont want to go and they not have to go. :confused: (He can come and see them here in Ky.)
 
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CJane

Senior Member
They need to be 18 before they can categorically decide that they no longer want contact with their father.

If you aren't ordered to drive to meet him halfway, just stop doing it. You're not violating anything by not providing the transportation, and it makes it his job to come and get them. If there IS an order in place that states you must provide half the transportation, then you need to do so and file for a modification.
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
Can n-e one tell me how old my boys have to be before they can deside that they dont want to go to their fathers ?


18
 

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