New husband & 8 year old daughter, DO NOT want to falsley accuse.

[julie70]

Husband & 8 yr. old step daughter, signs of sex abuse or not??

I have been married almost 2 years & have a 10-month-old son. I also have an 8 yr. old stepdaughter. She & I get along great most the time & just fine the rest of the time. She is really a very neat little girl. That’s why I need some advise, I am in a position that I feel very uncomfortable with, that I have a bad feeling about, and I have no knowledge about. The issue is the relationship between my husband & we’ll say “Amy” his daughter. They are very close, he is extremely attentive both finically & emotionally, generous with his time almost to an obsessive level. Several months ago he & I went to counseling, he had seen this Dr. before, during the session she mentioned the sergeant wife theory, he never acknowledged her, changed the subject, denies now that she even said it and refuses to go back to counseling. So far this could just be a very caring father, this is the part I am uneasy about. 1. He walks around totally nude in front of her, even waking her up in the mornings, she eye level to his mid section. He also has been taking showers with her up until I express myself enough that he doesn’t do it in front of me, I believe he still does when I am not around because I have over heard her ask him if she should get in with him. She is at our / his house 3 days & nights a week, he makes her sleep in the nude; he refuses to by pajamas for her. I asked her one time how she sleeps at her mothers – pajamas. They wrestle a lot, use to go in her room & close the door before bed to read or play or whatever. I’ve known Amy 2-3 yrs. Now, when I met her she was still wetting the bad & has just stopped that over the last 6-8 months. When she is in the shower my husband goes into the bathroom & tells her to “wash 2 or 3 times down there on her who who”. Now the most important thing to me is absolutely not falsely accuse him of anything if it is not happening, by doing that I would be hurting my son too. But I do have both kids to think about. A few things as far as my son goes, he wanted a little girl & kind of lost interest when I found out we were having a boy. He is only a dad if it is convient for him to our son. He refuses to pay or buy anything for him, down to diapers & formula at times. But Amy goes to private schools, camps etc…(and her mother is not footing the bill) Also I have caught him masturbating at night with our soon in the bed w/ us, he was angry when I interrupted. And on our sons 2nd Dr. check up he asked the Dr. when he will start to get an erection…he was the 5 months old!!! The Dr. & I were a bit stunned to say the least. What do I do, is it signs of abuse or just a very unique innocent relationship??? Are there enough signs that I contact someone or do I just keep my eyes open & hope, pray for the best. Please Please Help!!!

 

[colson]

There are MORE THAN ENOUGH signs to talk to someone. Most churches or companies provide excellent confidential counceling service. They will mostlikely contact the CPS (Child Protective Service) to investicate the case. You have the option to contact them yourself. Find out about confidentiality, in case you don't want your Husband to know you called them.

Good luck
I am just going through a case myself.

 

[vegafallingstar]

Please Please Do Something for Your Kids

Please please please do something for your son and stepdaughter. PLEASE. Yes, there is something wrong here. Did you really need to ask that? I'm sorry if it will be hard for you to do but you must do the right thing here. Please get this little girl and your infant boy away from this man. FAR FAR AWAY.

These children will be ****ed up for the rest of their lives because of what your husband IS doing (you know he is, trust your instincts) and you need to stop it. You need to get away and take your kids with you. Alert your stepdaughter's mother as well.

Good luck. Please, please, please don't hesitate another day.

 

[lkmisty]

HE"S SICK!!!!!!..Think of the little girl..geeewhiz...Please call on him!!!!!!!!.Give me the number..I'll do it!!!

I sure wish it was still and eye for an eye...sorry..this subject really gets me upset..

 

[Tiff30]

When I read your posting yesterday, I couldn't help but feel great concern for those 2 sweet children. I wanted to respond to you, but first wanted to check with someone I know in the profession of dealing with such situations. Upon her recommendation, I know feel ready to reply.
This is definitly something that needs to be seriously looked into. Have you spoken to your step-daughters mother? You said he had been in counseling before, she may have some insight into that. I know that this must be very trying for you, but in reality, you may be the only one to save this child from years of torment. Basically, this is my opinion, as well as the professional I spoke with. Definitly something is terribly wrong here. If by some miracle, actual incest has not occured, which at this point is highly unlikely, just the things you described are abusive. Plain and simple. You need to do something now, first for the little girl, and secondly, with what you have described about being in bed with your son and masturbating, he could very well be next. Please don't wait on this, you are the only one now who can save these sweet children as well as yourself, and if you need support, or a friend to talk to, please feel free to email me.

 

[LawLover]

therapy is a must not only for your step-daughter,but also for yourself. i am wondering what has made you even question if your husbands behavior is normal, or an "inocent relationship", i feel there is a 99.5% chance that your step daughter has been molested by your husband, and there is sexual abuse, already occuring. "forcing" her to sleep nude is sexual abuse. you have a sacred responsibility as a mother to protect both of your "children", even though she is your step-daughter, she is your child, you need to protect her and your son, it is your duty as a mother. i also feel, as though you have self esteem issues, and are allowing your husband to control you. otherwise, i feel that you would have spoke up to him about his behavior, i also find it interesting that you said he got "angry" when you interupted him. do you fear him?

 

[spork77]

do something!!

if your friend was telling you this story, what would you tell her to do?
Like the previous post-trust your instict.

There is definately something awry here and your children need to be taken care of. These children cannot defend themselves, it is your JOB to do so. Is there somewhere else you can stay for awhile when you report this?

 

[Ginger]

I agree with everyone who posted. If you do not have a immediate place to stay, I would think the mother of daughter would allow you to stay there, there you would have numbers and she and you with your testimony can protect the two children involved in this horrendous situation. You need to talk with her mother and plead for her help. If not, go to Battered woman's and they will help you leave, and find a SAFE place to be until something is done to your husband. OMG this is so hard. Get some counseling and build your self esteem and remember, his actions are by no means your FAULT. Do not take on his guilt, you will guilty if you stand by and do nothing to protect those kids. Good luck and let us know how you are.

 

[Sculptor]

He sounds EXACTLY like my x-to-be...

Please do report his behavior, to Child Protective Services, to his ex, to someone. I don't even know if you feel you can talk to him. He needs help and your children needs distance from him until or unless he gets it.

I left a marriage with a nudist who coerced his daughters (then teens) into nude situations, who had made his,then, 8-year-old daughter sleep nude with him ( and she reported waking in a wet spot made by him!!). He took baths with the neighbor's 7 y.o. daughter and discussed pubic hairs with her 11 y.o. sister. When I told him all this felt wrong, he said I was overreacting, because of my being abused as a child. Well, I woke up, and left with my 10 month old daughter in March of 2000. We are in the middle of a nasty custody battle that's breaking me. I'm being told that he will be given visitation because he didn't abuse my daughter, specifically. It might be different if I had reported the abuse of the neighbor girls.

Feel free to email me. I feel your pain and the future pain of your step-daughter.

 

[civilavicate]

I am deeply concerned.

If you do not act in the intreast of your childrens safty you can and will be held liable for the abuse the the children are receiving. Ignoring it..protesting..will not due..contact your local abuse shelter, remove those children ASAP, if you act now you may avoid loosing your children. But if you choose to wait,, someone else will step in and act in the intreast of your children. You are aiding a crime, by your silence.. and please, please contact his daughters mother and have her stop the visitations.

Sooner or later the children will exibit signs of the abuse, and school officials, neighbors, his x-wife and anyone who will come in contact with the children, will take action on there behalf. And you will be held accountable for your neglance in reporting a crime. At this point you may have a chance to explain your choices, and avoid prosicution.

File a divorce.. I am sorry to be so harsh..but the truth hurts somtimes.

 

[ravonred341]

I pray that you have already packed your bags and taken your children and left that house.

You know in your heart and soul exactly what is happening - although I know it is hard to admit someone you love could commit such terrible acts.

You and his previous wife need to become advocates for your children. Your husband needs to be kept away from children and he needs to get some immediate help.

I will keep you in my prayers as I am sure the next few weeks will be extremely difficult for you, stay strong!